My morning routine includes 20 minutes of staring at the ceiling thinking about how tired I am and debating if I really need to live today.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

For my birthday, I want everyone to delete whatever old version of me they have in their head— it expired.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

I once hated my job so much that I would come home from work and watch vlogs of people quitting their jobs, wishing it was me.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

Mothers be doing unnecessary housework and then get mad at you when they’re tired.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

The best part about your kids being sick is you get to see exactly how shitty you’re going to feel in 48 hours.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

Nobody sighs louder than an unemployed, debt-free dog who spends at least 16 hours a day sleeping.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

If the shampoo and the conditioner finish at the same time, one of them faked it.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

“Don’t bite the hand that feeds you!” Maybe just don’t bite hands. Shouldn’t have to qualify it.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

Landlord: I’m raising your rent. Me: Am I getting a bigger house?

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

I should go to jail so I can focus on the gym.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

I met my wife at a singles night. I was surprised as I thought she was at home with the kids.