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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

I hope this 17th text in a row with no response finds you well.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

My nickname in high school was “who?”

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

Every group chat has that one person who never replies, and it’s me.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

Imagine you go bowling by yourself and you go sit down, but it’s your turn again.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

Cleaned the bathroom window. Wasn’t frosted glass at all.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

I have neither the patience nor the crayons to show you why this is a bad idea.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

Why do they have to make things childproof when I’m still functioning at a kindergarten level of dexterity?

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

Distance is my jam; solitude is my peanut butter.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

Do you know how much trauma it took to be this funny?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,710

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Facebook:

Feeling like a bug without his rug.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Everyone is using AI to write business emails, texts, etc. At this point in time, we may as well just tell our AIs to talk to each other and then let us know what kind of deal they worked out.

Going viral on X:

Expiration date? More like spoiler alert.

Broadcasted on X:

The only problem I have with chocolate is that one minute it’s there and the next it’s not.

Shared recently on Reddit:

It’s that time of year where every jacket you choose is wrong.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

“Huh” is 94% of my vocabulary.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Nobody supports you like that one internet friend you’ve never met.

Just landed via Slack:

Nothing like waking up on a Friday and finding out it’s Tuesday.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

All roads lead to disappointment.

Making waves on X:

Earth is hard.

My washing machine is over here taking load after load, like Bonnie Blue.

3 weeks ago

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Commentary:
Is your washing machine available for motivational speeches? I've got some laundry-threatening procrastination issues over here! 🧺😅✨

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67 shares on TikTok this month:

I miss when The Weeknd made haunted strip club music. Didn’t know how good I had it.

28 shares on Reddit this month:

I made a graph showing my past relationships. It has an ex axis and a why axis.

48 shares on WeChat this month:

Mirror, mirror on the wall, why so many fingerprints?

29 shares on YouTube this month:

Telling my coworkers I can’t talk in meetings today because I need to save my voice for concerts this weekend.

82 shares on Discord this month:

I believe the IRS is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

37 shares on Pinterest this month:

Curious that talented athletes frequently credit God when they win, but we rarely see them blame God when they lose.

22 shares on Snapchat this month:

And for my next trick, I’m going to miss you in a million unspoken ways.

39 shares on Slack this month:

I’ve had enough. I’m ready to spend an eternity in the arms of my lover.

54 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“I’ll see” = not coming, never was coming, never even considered it.

24 shares on Reddit this month:

Nasa is launching a satellite to say sorry to the aliens. They’re calling it the Apollo G.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

I’m actually really peace-loving, but then there are other people.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

Every time I see a couple riding a tandem bike, I try to figure out which one of them is pissed about it.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

I’ll kill the vibe, so you don’t have to.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

I wait all week for the weekend just to aggressively do nothing in five different outfits.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

The funniest thing about Batman is that he legitimately doesn’t give a shit about crime that happens during the day.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

I don’t have mirrors in my house. I mean, who wants to see disappointment everyday?

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

Before you send that email, ask yourself: is this a December problem or a January problem?

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

Girlfriend is temporary, ex-girlfriend is forever.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

I wonder if my recorded call has ever been used for training or quality purposes.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I can’t stop thinking about how a tanning bed really turns you into the human version of a gas station hot dog.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

My favorite part of football is when they feed the players water like they’re hamsters.

Spotted on Slack:

Shout out to the people getting $400 hotel rooms on Feb 14th to do the same two positions they do at home.

Just landed via Facebook:

I think I just hit a Labubu with my car.

Just landed via X:

There’s literally no law that says you can’t put your friends down as your references and pretend they were your boss at an old job. Literally, there’s no law that says that.

Going viral on TikTok:

It’s not too early to go to sleep. Too early only applies to waking up.

Just shared via Instagram:

Managed to empty the vegetable drawer of the fridge before something there takes on a life of its own.

Trending via Threads:

So many songs that tell you to throw your hands in the air like you just don’t care, so few about the hazards of ceiling fans.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Twerk unto others as you would have them twerk unto you.

Making waves on Facebook:

The real me comes out at midnight (it’s just me spending money online).

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Activity Log ✨

My washing machine is over here taking load after load, like Bonnie Blue.

The price of groceries has gotten me thinking about what acorns taste like.

I love saying “You’re welcome!” really loudly when someone hasn’t thanked me.

“I’m at a point in my life where I don’t go anywhere unless I absolutely have to.”

Your ex is ruining someone else’s life now. You are safe.

All strapless bras need to be taken off the shelves. A total recall. We do not have the technology yet.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My washing machine is over here taking load after load, like Bonnie Blue.

Keep the laugh going 😂

The price of groceries has gotten me thinking about what acorns taste like.

I love saying “You’re welcome!” really loudly when someone hasn’t thanked me.

“I’m at a point in my life where I don’t go anywhere unless I absolutely have to.”

Your ex is ruining someone else’s life now. You are safe.

My signature move is forgetting someone’s name 2 seconds after they tell me.

All strapless bras need to be taken off the shelves. A total recall. We do not have the technology yet.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨