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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

Hi, I’m online. Would you like to argue for an hour about whether a hotdog is a sandwich?

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

Sorry I missed your call. I saw that you were calling and immediately threw my phone into an active volcano.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

It’s important that everyone takes really good pictures of me this summer.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

Stop being so boyfriendable if you can’t be my boyfriend.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

Can’t stand when I’m determined to see something in a negative light, and somebody offers a different, healthier perspective. I already made up my mind to be upset. Don’t be rude.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

Me: “I’m still young.” My bones: “No, we not.”

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me I’m gonna say “I’m a biter” and see how it goes.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

The sole purpose of some household items is to make it impossible for you to open the damn drawer.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

Why don’t straight men and lesbians hang out like straight women and gays do?

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

Eating the sticker on an apple counts as 35% of your daily fiber intake.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,723

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WeChat:

The only squat I’m even considering doing today is diddly.

Breaking via Telegram:

Prior to the arrival of Paper and Scissors, Rock faced no competition.

Going viral on Messenger:

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Making waves on X:

I wonder if Van Halen realized they were writing music just to lift weights to.

Trending via Messenger:

I’m looking forward to tomorrow. It’ll be much like today, but different enough to confuse me.

Just landed via Threads:

Salt is just angry sugar.

Just landed via Twitch:

Driving home, listening to Gangsta’s Paradise, with my hands at 10 and 2.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I like listening to true crime podcasts while I clean my bathroom because I can pretend I’m destroying evidence.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me, I’m gonna say “I’m a puncher” and see how it goes.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Sure I collect antiques, if you count the late-century spices in my pantry.

Nobody gives me butterflies anymore. Y’all just give me brain damage.

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Nobody gives me butterflies anymore. Y’all just give me brain damage.
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Commentary:
Just when I thought I was getting romance, turns out it's vertigo! 🦋🤕😵

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

79 shares on WeChat this month:

Some people are wise; some are otherwise.

13 shares on YouTube this month:

My keys fell in the snow, and now they’re gone forever — time to start a new life under a new name in a warmer climate.

85 shares on Snapchat this month:

My husband clearly believes that chairs just magically push themselves back in.

14 shares on Reddit this month:

When I trip, I always look back to see who or what did it, because it couldn’t have possibly been my fault.

98 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Nobody is meaner to me than me. So take your shot.

12 shares on Facebook this month:

I am not leaving this house until my hoodie strings are even.

25 shares on Twitch this month:

First date idea: you rescue me out of the tree I got stuck in while looking through your windows.

95 shares on Instagram this month:

“I’m not short. I’m just more down to earth than most people.”

93 shares on Telegram this month:

It’s cool that women want me, but it makes me sad that fish fear me.

69 shares on X this month:

My most boomer belief is that you can often get a malfunctioning appliance to work again by slapping it.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve never seen a McDonald’s or a Burger King under construction. They just show up.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I am so incredibly tired today. I think my shelf life has expired.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

My therapist said this to me, and it hit me like a brick: “They’re not your friends if they disagree with you or try to challenge you.”

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I just need my friends to know I would do absolutely anything for them, except reply to their message.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Panda bears are proof that it’s okay to be kind of an idiot as long as you’re super adorable.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Goodnight to the men who know one woman is enough. The rest can get sleep paralysis.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Thanks for leaving my door open; I was running low on houseflies.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Men have nice skin because they stress out everyone but themselves.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

What part of “I don’t want to spend any more money” don’t I understand?

19 folks are currently checking 👀

You can’t get a good night’s sleep anymore because of woke.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

4,011

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

I made you something special for Mother’s Day, my kid threatened.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

People believe that they have brains but maybe that’s just inside their heads.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

You’re in his DMs, so am I, but I am way funnier.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Who called it girl math and not galgebra?

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

I just sneezed next to my computer and the anti-virus popped up.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

It’s getting slide guitar and harmonica hot outside.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

The older I get, the more I understand why roosters just scream to start their day.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

I think something’s missing in my life… Like… 2-3 million dollars.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

If I don’t reply, assume I opened your message, nodded, and then got distracted.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

Starting an OnlyFans, but it’s just videos of me trying to use chopsticks.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Slack:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just here unloading my dishwasher.

Making waves on Twitch:

I have now spread out a blue tarpaulin in the garden. I want it to look like I have a pool on Google Maps.

Shared recently on Discord:

My guardian angel is probably preoccupied with sports betting apps and generative AI, that’s why she’s letting all these bad things happen to me.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Podcasts are like babies, they’re too easy to create and not everyone should have one.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

I’m sick of the Microsoft Authenticator. Like, who would be logging in to do my work?

Going viral on Reddit:

An orgasm before bed is nature’s strongest sleep aid.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Randomly hearing your favorite song is more satisfying than putting it on yourself.

Making waves on Twitch:

I only squeak when I’m squoken to.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I caught my husband eating the last of the ice cream last night. First of all, we are supposed to be dieting together. Second of all, I was going to eat that.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Time to put the stressful screen away (phone) and switch to the comfort screen (Kindle).

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