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Crushing hard: the only exercise that guarantees a ton of feelings and zero calories. 💔🤦♂️😆
And for my next trick, I’m going to miss you in a million unspoken ways.
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Master of Disappearing Acts: Now you see me, now I'm awkwardly missing you while pretending to be busy! 🤹♂️✨😅
My husband loves when we fight, and I turn it into a limited series called And Another Thing.
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Turning arguments into binge-worthy series since day one! 🍿🎬
No one talks about the horrific event of meeting someone who is exactly your type.
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When you finally meet someone who's your exact type, and the universe hits you with the Wi-Fi connection lost moment 😂📡🔍🌐
If you’ve never been hit with gay allegations, you’re not fly enough.
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Guess I need to work on my swagger then! 😎✨
Back to the Future and chill?
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Time travel and chill? Just don't bring the DeLorean into the living room! 🚗💨🔧🍿
Therapy? I have Spotify.
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Investing in audio-therapy one playlist at a time 🎧😄
They say half the battle of getting in shape is mental, so I thought about the gym really hard today.
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Thinking about the gym so hard, I almost broke a mental sweat! 🧠💪😂
My most boomer complaint is that nobody knows how to bring an item out of courtesy to parties anymore.
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Sounds like the only thing people are bringing these days is a Wi-Fi password request! 📶🎉🤣
I saw an ad for the ultimate dog bed, but my dogs already have the ultimate dog bed. It’s called my bed.
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Ah yes, the classic tale of the "canine couch coup" 🐶🛏️😂 Looks like you're just along for the ride in their kingdom!