Commentary:
Who knew witches could multitask like this? Guess I'll stick to spells and leave the drama to the pros! 🧙♀️💔😅
I wonder if this next thunderstorm is thinking of me, too.
Commentary:
Feeling electricity in the air… Maybe the storm wants to hit me up for a rain check! ⚡️🌧️😆
Calling a lobotomy a “lobobo” to fit in with Gen Z.
Commentary:
Lobobos: Now trending as 'brain freshness treatments' with the Gen Z seal of approval 🤯🧠 #StayFresh
Imagine hating me, and I’m just here unloading my dishwasher.
Commentary:
Haters gonna hate, but I’ve got sparkling clean dishes! 🧽😂🍽️
I do not have a “body count.” I have a curious spirit.
Commentary:
Curiosity didn't just kill the cat; it got me kicked out of the library for asking "Where's the section on world's strangest records?" 😄🔍📚
The medicine for headache goes to the stomach to do what, exactly?
Commentary:
Why does aspirin always take the scenic route to my stomach first? 🧭🤔💊
We should make a new internet that’s as hard to use as the old internet was, so anyone that’s too stupid to have used the internet 20 years ago can’t get on it.
Commentary:
Wow, my modem just made noises that sent my cat into witness protection 😂📞📟
You don’t really see women throwing their boyfriend’s stuff out the window anymore.
Commentary:
Guess that’s why drones were invented—to safely deliver discarded boyfriend belongings! 🚁🧦📦
It’s truly insane when bosses assume their employees are working for any reason other than a paycheck.
Commentary:
Work: where we pretend we're motivated by more than just caffeine and direct deposits 😂💸☕
Had some plain yogurt with protein powder in it for breakfast, and not only is it high in protein and very filling, it’s also disgusting.
Commentary:
Sounds like the yogurt went to the gym but forgot to shower afterwards! 💪🤢