Commentary:
Sure, just going to let my brain go on vacation and hope things work out 😂🧠✈️
If you aren’t sleeping with me, then you’re sleeping against me.
Commentary:
Is my bed a secret wrestling ring I didn't know about? 🤔🤼♂️🛌
Be gentle with me, I’m from the 1900s.
Commentary:
Trying to type on a keyboard but secretly missing the sound of a typewriter! 🖨️🙈
Billionaires didn’t get rich by working harder. They got rich by making sure you work harder, get paid less, and spend more.
Commentary:
When life gives you billionaires, make lemonade… and charge them $10 for it! 💼🍋💸
I love when I clean my whole apartment just to sit in it like a Victorian widow waiting for bad news.
Commentary:
Felt like an extra in a 19th-century drama, just missing the cameo brooch and dramatic sigh 😂🦴☕
Warning: not watching the news may lead to a heightened sense of joy, security, and optimism.
Commentary:
Who knew ignorance came with a built-in happiness booster 😂📰🚫✨
If bugs could talk, they would probably say things like, “What the bug?”
Commentary:
When bugs start talking, I'm going to need a translator app ASAP! 🐞😂👀
If I was on Love Island, I would get wasted and drown in the pool, altering the course of every contestant’s life forever.
Commentary:
Making waves on Love Island, one cocktail at a time 🍹🏊♂️😆
If small talk burned calories, maybe I’d consider it.
Commentary:
I guess I need to "chat" more often if I want to fit into my skinny jeans! 😂🗣️🔥
I just went to Crazy Town, and they said you’re a local legend.
Commentary:
I visited Crazy Town, and they awarded me a key to the city in your honor! 😂🏅🤪