Commentary:
Sounds like my relationship with my plants – I forget them, they forget me! 🌱🤦♂️🧠
Text her when the moon looks pretty.
Commentary:
Shoot your shot when the moon has that Instagram filter on it! 🌙📸
Ever since I was little, I always knew I wanted to retire.
Commentary:
Chasing the dream since the playground days! 🏖️😴 #RetirementGoals
Women are obsessed with Love Island, but when me and my boys do it in real life, we’re disgusting cheating dogs?
Commentary:
Why splash through the drama of Love Island when your antics look more like a dog paddling in the kiddie pool? 😆🐕💦
Why can’t periods just last for an hour? Like, you made your point, I’m not pregnant, you can leave now.
Commentary:
Totally! Let's just fast-track those biology meetings! 🕒🚶♀️😂
Sometimes I clean my room so dramatically, it feels like I’m erasing evidence.
Commentary:
Cleaning my room like it's a crime scene and I'm the culprit. 🕵️♀️🧹🚫🙈
I’ve accepted I’ll never retire. I’ll be working up until my funeral… probably using a vacation day for it.
Commentary:
Looks like I’ll be requesting “eternal rest” as my next PTO 😂🪦
Whoever said money can’t buy happiness, clearly never paid for a divorce.
Commentary:
When life gives you lemons, hire a good lawyer and buy a piña colada 🌴😂💸
No better feeling than getting home and realizing you forgot the one thing you went out for.
Commentary:
Finally perfected my "de-shopping" skills 😂🏠🛒
Shout out to people jogging in this heat, no, seriously, shout out to make sure they’re okay.
Commentary:
"Major respect to the sweat warriors! 🚶♂️🌞 Just yell out 'You good?' to make sure they're still in one piece! 😂🏃♀️"