My biggest motivation for getting out of bed in the morning is knowing that I will eventually be able to get back in the bed. Posted onMay 20, 2026
Someone asked, “Can I bum a scroll?” because they deleted Instagram off their phone. Posted onMay 20, 2026
Since it’s impossible to know which period of my life is the middle, I’ve decided to have an ongoing crisis. Posted onMay 20, 2026
We could have high-speed rail that connects the entire country, but instead we get AI porn bots that steal all of our drinking water to entertain the dumbest people alive. Posted onMay 20, 2026
I’d rather throw everything I own in the trash than try to deal with people on Facebook Marketplace. Posted onMay 20, 2026
We were supposed to have flying cars and other cool stuff, but instead we have AI videos showing Michael Jackson eat at McDonald’s. Posted onMay 20, 2026
The female rage of having so much to say but refusing to say it, cause their emotional intelligence is too low for them to comprehend it. Posted onMay 20, 2026
Why do we say ‘slept like a baby’? Babies wake up every two hours crying. I want to sleep like my cat—14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets. Posted onMay 20, 2026
Female rage is your handbag continuously slipping off your shoulder. Posted onMay 20, 2026May 20, 2026
Ummmm, no, I don’t watch ‘Instagram Reels.’ I have TikTok. I like to get my brain damage directly from the original source. Posted onMay 20, 2026
The feminine urge to say “ouch” when I bump into things that doesn’t even hurt. Posted onMay 20, 2026
High school crushes were crazy because, why the hell was I running all over school just to catch a glimpse of him. Posted onMay 20, 2026
There should be a website where you post your wishes, and rich people who don’t know what to do with their money give you an anonymous gift. Posted onMay 20, 2026
Every job is either 8 hours of getting exposed to cancer-causing chemicals or 8 hours of staring at a Microsoft Excel sheet. Posted onMay 20, 2026
I love my cat so much, but how the hell are you that small and take up an entire queen-size mattress? Posted onMay 20, 2026