My boss was like, “People working from home are just pretending to work,” and it’s like, dude, what do you think I’m doing in the office? Posted onMay 19, 2026
You’re in her DMs. I’m accidentally reposting reels of Tibetan foxes because I don’t know how to use the app anymore. Posted onMay 19, 2026
As a woman, you need to forgive yourself for men you entertained when you had low self-esteem. Posted onMay 19, 2026
One day you’ll find someone obsessed with you. It’s probably going to be a squirrel. Posted onMay 19, 2026
I lied, there’s no sex. I just need you to change the batteries in my smoke detectors. Posted onMay 19, 2026
If men didn’t exist, I would simply go for a 2 a.m. walk every night and listen to music in my AirPods. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Never going into a job interview nervous again, because, wow, it is literally a free invitation to talk about how amazing I am. Posted onMay 19, 2026
What are y’all gonna do when those labubus come to life and start biting y’alls ankles? Posted onMay 19, 2026
One of the most underrated benefits of having a cat is that you get another creature to look around in confusion with you when you hear a random loud-ass noise in the middle of the night. Posted onMay 19, 2026
I see why grandmas used to cook dinner at 3 p.m. and sit down the rest of the day. Posted onMay 19, 2026
I stay away from beef-flavored cat food. At no point could Sylvia realistically bring down a cow, and I don’t need that kind of ego in the house. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Nobody is doing it like me because this is probably not the right way to do it. Posted onMay 19, 2026