Nothing is funnier than seeing how angry someone gets when they realize they can’t manipulate you. Posted onMay 19, 2026
The world is such a beautiful place when you don’t think too hard about it or look around. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Why is experimental noise music always scary metallic noises and never fun sounds like people clapping and laughing and like bubbles and stuff? Posted onMay 19, 2026
Moms be like, “I needed this,” and it’s really just a break from being the one who holds it all together every single day. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Honestly, will never top the year I told everyone I was going to be Amelia Earhart for Halloween, and then didn’t show up to the party. Posted onMay 19, 2026
I stopped adding “Let me know if you have any more questions!” to my emails because don’t email me again. Posted onMay 19, 2026
I once quit a job, and when my boss asked why, I simply said, “I hate it here.” Best day of my life. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Not commenting on your girl’s stuff is weird. I want my man barking in my comments. Posted onMay 19, 2026
The fact that someone looked straight at a purple onion and named it red onion really bothers me. Posted onMay 19, 2026
I fall in love with a song and play it until I absolutely don’t wanna hear it no more. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Liking a song isn’t enough, I need to be able to call the artist and tell them they did a great job. Posted onMay 19, 2026
I go to tattoo parlors and trick them into shaving my leg for me, and then leave. Posted onMay 19, 2026
I actually check my emails every day in hopes I’m going to get some life-changing news someday. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Sorry, I’m late. I sat on my bed in a towel for 45 minutes, staring at the wall. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Unfortunately, it only strengthens my spirit when the summer people mourn their terrible season. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Perks of being a girl: You can think about whatever you want in public without worrying about boners. Posted onMay 19, 2026
“I didn’t vote for this.” — people who absolutely voted for this but thought this would only hurt people they hate. Posted onMay 19, 2026
I’ve just learned terrible news. My department at work is planning a team-building retreat. Thank you for your thoughts during this difficult time. Posted onMay 19, 2026
If you can’t handle me at my worst, then honestly, you’re missing out because that’s when my jokes and bits get really, really good. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Y’all screenshot payment confirmations to make sure they don’t play with y’all too? Posted onMay 19, 2026
3 friends is enough. 1 for the movie theater, 1 for drinks and apps, 1 for texting concerning mental health information. Posted onMay 19, 2026