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Commentary:
"Talk about being single to the point where even the neighborhood cats are trying to set you up with some home-cooked meals! 🐱🍽️ Who needs a significant other when you have a feline culinary squad on standby? 😂"

cat, cats, dinner, humor, loneliness, me, neighborhood, relationship, single

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My talents include sneaking out of work early on a Friday.

0

4 months ago

early, early leave, Friday, humor, leave, life, office, office life, sneaking, sneaking out, talent, work
You know you’re over 40 when you clean your house to the music you used to get drunk to.

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2 months ago

40, adulthood, age, change, clean, cleaning, drunk, house, humor, know, life, life change, music, nostalgia, over, over 40, used
Remember those days when you missed school and you’d check the time and think, “They’re eating right now.”

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2 months ago

break, break time, check, childhood, days, eating, memory, missed, missed school, nostalgia, remember, right, school, think, time
If you watch Home Alone backwards it’s a loving story about a kid that heals two men that were savagely beaten.

0

2 months ago

alone, backwards, comedy, healing, home, home alone, kid, love, men, movie, perspective, story, watch
Men be like, yes, I hurt you, but now you hate me, so I am the true victim.

0

2 months ago

am, hate, humor, hurt, i, irony, me, men, relationship, sarcasm, true, victim, yes
Nothing says entitlement like a goose family crossing the road.

0

2 months ago

animals, crossing, entitlement, family, goose, humor, nature, nothing, road, sarcasm

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

69 shares on Facebook this month:

Getting ghosted by someone who bothered you in the first place is crazy.

97 shares on YouTube this month:

Discord is only good for calling friends on the computer. Please do not waste your time getting caught up in random servers.

31 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Just saw a bird run across the street if you were wondering if anyone else is wasting their gifts.

40 shares on Facebook this month:

Every time I stand up, my dog gets excited as hell. He understands that I’m a real man who can make shit happen at any given moment.

71 shares on Twitch this month:

The haters said I couldn’t do it. And the haters? They were right. They were correct. They even nailed the small details, frankly it’s amazing.

56 shares on Discord this month:

I love when someone is telling a story and you can tell even from their version that they’re the villain.

23 shares on Threads this month:

Be so funny that everyone forgets that you are ugly!

77 shares on Instagram this month:

I hate the saying: “Get up, the sun is shining!” What am I supposed to do? Photosynthesis?

12 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’ve already broken all my resolutions and like four commandments.

59 shares on WeChat this month:

I threw a ball for my dog. May be a little extravagant, but he looks great in a tux.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

Rich people go to parties. It’s what they do, and somehow we must all watch videos of it.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

If a company’s hiring sign says, “Come grow with us,” you’re about to do the work of 3-5 people.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

Why is adulthood just bills and wondering what to eat?

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

Girls will be like “I have so much to do” then grab some snacks and start watching a 10 part docuseries on serial killers.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

I believe that emails are trying to tell us something.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

Having a sore throat as a giraffe must really suck.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

We live in a time where intelligent people are being silenced, so that stupid people won’t be offended.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

When you’re a snowman, everything smells like a carrot.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

“Damn, you’re tight!” I whisper as I look at my monthly budget.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Twitch:

I made the mistake of clicking on an Instagram ad for a flannel shirt, and now the algorithm thinks I’m a lumberjack.

Just landed via Messenger:

Oh, sorry about bouncing my leg. I’m not allowed to slam my head into the walls anymore.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Don’t ever forget where you came from. That’s where you left your car.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

My neighbor won’t stop talking about his Rolex and I can’t believe someone stole it tomorrow.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I don’t want to brag but I found a recipe online, and then within three weeks not only made the recipe, but closed the tab on my browser.

Breaking via YouTube:

Nothing I do for money is passion-based. It’s just pure hatred for being broke.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

My biggest motivation for getting out of bed in the morning is knowing that I’ll eventually be able to get back in it.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Sane is boring.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Very disappointed by the symbolism of last night’s dream. Just really obvious, derivative stuff.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

So single the neighborhood cats make ME dinner.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

My talents include sneaking out of work early on a Friday.

You know you’re over 40 when you clean your house to the music you used to get drunk to.

Remember those days when you missed school and you’d check the time and think, “They’re eating right now.”

If you watch Home Alone backwards it’s a loving story about a kid that heals two men that were savagely beaten.

Men be like, yes, I hurt you, but now you hate me, so I am the true victim.

Nothing says entitlement like a goose family crossing the road.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨