Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

Bob Ross could paint a forest in 10 minutes. I’ve been ‘working on myself’ for years, and I’m still unfinished.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

My bear’s diarrhea problems are really starting to worry me. The vet says he’s getting better but he’s not out of the woods yet.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

If you wave your keys in front of a giant house, people will think you own it.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

Sometimes I wanna delete all my social media and throw my phone into a river.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

David Attenborough narrating my life: “He’s still sleeping.”

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

Having your own apartment by yourself is so funny, cause I really just swept the whole place naked.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

Parents saying “I know my child” will forever be the funniest joke.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

I’m the type of husband that helps his wife look for her missing chocolate that I ate.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

They should invent a person for me and me only.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,508

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Slack:

I was waiting on the universe but the universe was actually waiting on me.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

As per my last curse, I have no interest in this.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Saying “essentially” is a more sophisticated way of saying “basically.

Spotted on Instagram:

FOMO? No, I’ve got FOBI. Fear of being invited.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Banks: You are broke, so we are going to charge you for being broke.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Teens are like, “My homework isn’t done, but check out this presentation I made on why I need Instagram.”

Spotted on LinkedIn:

A pretty girl like me should be in the sky, sitting on a star.

Just shared via Facebook:

My nickname in high school was “who?”

Live now on X:

Nothing hurts more than someone not getting your joke.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Can’t, I’m raging against the machine.

The lion does not concern himself with divorce papers.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When you're a lion, you just swipe right on life. 🦁✍️😂 #NoTimeForPapers"

animal, concern, divorce, humor, independence, lion, metaphor, relationship, strength

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You’ll pay good money to hear a comedian say something offensive, but when I say it for free, I’m the bad guy.

0

5 months ago

bad, bad guy, comedian, double, double standard, free, good, guy, hear, humor, i, money, offensive, pay, say, something, standard
They should invent a body that doesn’t keep the score.

0

2 months ago

body, health, humor, invention, keep, score, should
Yeah, sex is great, but have you ever checked your bank account and had way more money than you expected.

0

2 months ago

account, bank, bank account, ever, financial, financial joy, great, humor, joy, money, sex, surprise
I wish I had a pair of skinny genes.

0

2 months ago

body, body image, fitness, gene, humor, i, image, self-improvement, skinny, skinny gene, wish
It’s so hot to me when a man has a poorly run Instagram account.

0

2 months ago

account, attraction, dating, hot, humor, Instagram, man, me, media, poorly, run, social, social media
I’m accused of being a plagiarist. Their words, not mine.

0

2 months ago

accusation, being, humor, irony, plagiarist, wit, words

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

48 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m not starting a presentation with “ladies and gentlemen”, I’m using the gender neutral “to those who heed my warnings”.

59 shares on Pinterest this month:

The best part about NYC is you literally see a brand new, hottest woman in your entire life every single day.

72 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Girl math is avoiding shipping costs by buying more.

86 shares on Slack this month:

If you can’t handle me at my weirdest, then leave, because it gets weirder.

51 shares on WeChat this month:

Moving houses/apartments gotta be top 3 worst human experiences.

56 shares on Facebook this month:

I ordered a new umbrella on Amazon and had it delivered straight to the lost and found office to maximize efficiency.

68 shares on Discord this month:

My signature move is always learning my lessons the hard way.

68 shares on YouTube this month:

No, it’s totally fine, Grandma. Nobody else needs to use the stairs today.

77 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m experimenting with how many apples I need to eat a day to keep everyone away, whatever their profession.

38 shares on Facebook this month:

Most of being a woman is just removing exclamation points from emails before you send them.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

Christmas is coming and you’re not.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

I visited my doctor today. He told me my sugar was too high. So I came home and moved it to a lower shelf.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

I keep myself humble by messing up all the time.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

Coughing has finally overtaken speaking Arabic as the most taboo thing to do in an airport.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

Doesn’t matter if the chicken or the egg came first. Still a weird thing to just appear.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

That strange moment when you are trying to be serious, but then you accidentally smile.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

Is ChatGPT my father-in-law because it keeps making stuff up and passing it off as fact?

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

Being in love will have you put your pride aside and go to places you never thought you would, like New Jersey.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

Thanks for your email! Unfortunately, I have filled my pockets with stones and am making my way to the sea.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

The cashier said, “Have a good day,” but she doesn’t mean it.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Facebook:

I take offense when people don’t invite me to events l’d like to turn down.

Just shared via Snapchat:

But if i put my laundry away, the laundry chair will be out of a job.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Doctors diagnosed me as your future wife.

Going viral on X:

Ah, the magical land of Monday—the gift that keeps not giving!

Shared recently on TikTok:

I’m sorry I said “I look forward to working with you” during our wedding vows.

Seen just now on X:

Welcome to your 50s, your knees will now decide when you will sit down.

Shared recently on Discord:

I don’t remember what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a broke, stressed-out, over-thinker with no clothes that fit.

Just shared via Slack:

I’ve cooked for men I should have poisoned, so yeah, I do have self-control.

Going viral on Pinterest:

It’s only 9am and I’ve already ruined my son’s entire life by giving him the banana with the brown spot on it.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I composed this post in a way that only the sexy can read it, so congratulations.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The lion does not concern himself with divorce papers.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

You’ll pay good money to hear a comedian say something offensive, but when I say it for free, I’m the bad guy.

They should invent a body that doesn’t keep the score.

Yeah, sex is great, but have you ever checked your bank account and had way more money than you expected.

I wish I had a pair of skinny genes.

It’s so hot to me when a man has a poorly run Instagram account.

I’m accused of being a plagiarist. Their words, not mine.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨