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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

I wasn’t made to hustle and bustle. I was made to dilly and dally.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

You are what you eat! (If anyone needed more encouragement to eat the rich.)

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

I don’t understand why it isn’t socially acceptable to choose to be nocturnal. The angry hot sky ball is gone, my internet is fast, everyone finally shut up, what’s not to like.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

If you were a dinosaur, you’d be a Gorgeousaurus.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

Why do my fully charged AirPods deplete at different rates? Do I listen harder out of one ear?

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

With my staggering 91% survival rate, you’d be a fool to hire another dog sitter.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

If a woman says she’ll be ready in 15 minutes, she will be. No need to remind her every half hour.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

If you tell me to make myself at home, I’m going to ask you to leave.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

I’m done wasting money this summer, unless you guys want to do something this weekend.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

This gum has my stomach convinced food is coming.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,738

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Instagram:

People who scream sneeze need their own island.

Spotted on WeChat:

If I’m too much for you, then go and find less.

Spotted on Pinterest:

“I can’t wait to go back to bed tonight!” Me, 5 minutes after waking up.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

The older I get, the more I respect Sleeping Beauty. She took one look at the world and said, “Nah.”

Shared recently on Instagram:

I can’t wait for the “international law” crowd to discover that “human rights” aren’t real, either.

Trending via Twitch:

Half princess, half menace.

Just landed via Discord:

Can’t believe we stayed up and screamed “Happy New Year” for this shit.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

There’s literally no law that says you can’t put your friends down as your references and pretend they were your boss at an old job. Literally, there’s no law that says that.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

In my defense, they burned my grilled cheese sandwich.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I hate small cars that disguise themselves as free parking spaces and drop their masks as soon as you pull up in front of them.

The sexual tension between me and the alternate reality I daydream about.

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Witty text highlighting humorous romantic fantasies with a playful, tongue-in-cheek vibe.

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Commentary:
Daydreaming so hard, my imagination filed for a restraining order 😂✨🌌

alternate, alternate reality, awkward, awkward feeling, daydream, feeling, humor, i, imagination, me, reality, sexual, sexual tension, tension

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32 shares on Pinterest this month:

How quickly family vacations go from “Omg, we only have 4 days left” to “Omg, we still have 4 days left”

41 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Facing my uncle’s dreaded lightning bolt attack at the Thanksgiving dinner table.

32 shares on Pinterest this month:

Sometimes you show up to work, and they just torture you for hours.

61 shares on WeChat this month:

She wanted me to impress her in the bedroom, so I showed her my organized sock drawer and my fresh matching bedding.

85 shares on TikTok this month:

There’s nothing I hate more than being comfy in bed and suddenly needing to pee.

83 shares on Discord this month:

Today, I started a 28-day no-swearing challenge, which I will restart tomorrow.

79 shares on Telegram this month:

Grocery carts should have barcode scanners on them so you can see how much you’re spending as you put things in your cart.

30 shares on WeChat this month:

Sorry, I’m late. I found my old CD collection.

33 shares on Twitch this month:

I love unfollowing people. You have displeased me for the last time. Leave my sight.

68 shares on Twitch this month:

Sorry I didn’t text you back, I was pretending I didn’t see it and ended up actually forgetting.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

Saving on divorce lawyers by staying single.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

Unfortunately, it only strengthens my spirit when the summer people mourn their terrible season.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

The golden rule of three beverages: one to hydrate, one to caffeinate, and one to celebrate.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

Being rich is going to look so cute on me.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

My kids will never appreciate the amount of extroverting the introvert me does for them.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

When planning dinner, remember that ice-cream has both calcium and protein.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

Starting my period on election day because I’m a true patriot who bleeds for this country.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

I get writer’s block responding to people.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

Walmart was wild as hell today, so I fit right in.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

I want to live in a world where TV sitcoms have catchy theme songs again.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Caveman: I just invented the wheel. Journalist: Here’s why the wheel is bad for humanity.

Breaking via YouTube:

I secretly want you to say no when I offer you some of my cake.

Trending via Slack:

Blaming the full moon for whatever unhinged decision I make tonight.

Just landed via Threads:

Lord, please take this gas out of my stomach and put it in my car.

Going viral on Slack:

I would never be comfortable delivering a baby. I can’t even remove an avocado pit without dropping it.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Airlines when they need to change your flight: here’s a complimentary napkin. Airlines when you need to change your flight: that’ll be $8700.

Breaking via X:

First date idea: we walk around a graveyard and guess how people died.

Spotted on Facebook:

When is a robot gonna take over my job? Please?

Just landed via TikTok:

The plan was simple: finish school, find a job and get married at 25. But now I don’t understand anything anymore.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Good morning only to the complexity and uncertainty of everything.

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Activity Log ✨

The sexual tension between me and the alternate reality I daydream about.

Got fired from my job at the zoo because I kept trying to wax the turtles.

I will not hesitate to use dark magic on you.

Listen to the birds, not the news.

Normalize saying “better you than me” to people who keep complaining about everything.

Not to upset anyone, but Monday is waiting outside.

Anyone who deals with customers on a professional basis should be allowed to hand out one face slap per day.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The sexual tension between me and the alternate reality I daydream about.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Got fired from my job at the zoo because I kept trying to wax the turtles.

I will not hesitate to use dark magic on you.

Listen to the birds, not the news.

Normalize saying “better you than me” to people who keep complaining about everything.

Not to upset anyone, but Monday is waiting outside.

Anyone who deals with customers on a professional basis should be allowed to hand out one face slap per day.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨