Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

Yes officer, I’d like to file a restraining order against my dentist’s appointment reminder system.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

Revenge has no expiry date. I will deal with you when I’m ready.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

There are no laws against pineapples on pizza.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

Who’s your favorite horror director? Mine’s God.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

To everyone who opens the fridge, stares, and closes it hoping new snacks will appear… You’re my people.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

My skin is so dry it’s doing a PowerPoint presentation.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

Hello bedtime my old friend, my brain is laughing once again.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

Reverse cowgirl, so we can both address the elephant in the room.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

I wish I could Shazam a perfume.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

Your pronouns should be get/help.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,604

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Making a grown man kiss his camera on Facetime.

Just landed via X:

If you think my posts are ridiculous, you should see some of my life choices.

Just landed via YouTube:

You don’t scare me, you’re not my ID photo.

Going viral on Snapchat:

If rich people aren’t upset after an election, then we have failed.

Trending via Discord:

They should invent a food that sounds good for dinner tonight.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

If you knock down a policeman, they’ll get backup.

Shared recently on Messenger:

No longer praying on your downfall. I will be directly involved.

Just shared via Instagram:

The best plans on a Friday night are no plans.

Making waves on TikTok:

For your own sanity, always take mixed signals as a no.

Going viral on Slack:

If anyone wants a more cost effective energy provider, I can supply endless energy on tap from my absolutely not tired child at bedtime.

There is too much happening for mid-December. Where are the canceled meetings? Why are we not circling back next year?

3 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
I'm starting a petition to replace December with a bonus month of naps and canceled meetings 😴🗓️ Who's with me? 🙋‍♂️🔄

back, busy, busy schedule, canceled, cancellation, circling, December, happening, humor, meeting, meetings, much, next, procrastination, schedule, too, where, why, work, year

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Judging by the hair on my couch, I’m surprised I have any cat left at all.

0

2 months ago

animal, cat, cleaning, couch, hair, humor, humorously, i, judging, left, mess, pet, surprise
Male birth control is free, and it’s called wearing Crocs with socks.

0

2 months ago

birth, control, Crocs, fashion, fashion joke, footwear, free, humor, humor joke, joke, male, male birth control, socks
Being skinny may be nice, but chicken nuggets are even nicer.

0

2 months ago

chicken, chicken nugget, chicken nuggets, diet, food, humor, indulgence, nice, nugget, preference, skinny
Release that sexual frustration, get a burger.

0

2 months ago

appetite, burger, date, food, frustration, fun, humor, release
Your 20s are for lusting after furniture you can’t afford actually.

0

2 months ago

20s, actually, adulthood, afford, after, choices, furniture, humor, life, life choices, lust
Mrs. Doubtfire is my favorite movie about violating a custody agreement.

0

2 months ago

agreement, comedy, custody, custody agreement, disguise, doubtfire, family, favorite, favorite movie, film, humor, movie, mrs., Mrs. Doubtfire, parenting, violation

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

18 shares on Twitch this month:

May your coffee kick in, before reality does.

31 shares on Threads this month:

I’m at the age when riding around town, I say, “When did they build that?”

68 shares on Slack this month:

Spending all my money on lottery tickets so I’ll either be rich or poor, none of this wishy-washy stuff in the middle.

48 shares on Messenger this month:

If anything I post makes you mad, just know that it pleases me.

70 shares on Threads this month:

Ever woken up, kissed the person sleeping next to you and felt glad to be alive? I just did, so I won’t be catching this train again.

56 shares on X this month:

My boyfriend always complains that I never smile, but he’s the one who wanted a serious relationship.

52 shares on Reddit this month:

Tolerate the lactose already, you heathen.

41 shares on WeChat this month:

I wish we were cats so you could just randomly slap co-workers for no reason.

71 shares on WhatsApp this month:

In the 80s, you could literally shrink your kids with a shrink-ray, and your wife wouldn’t divorce you. I’m pretty sure I saw a documentary film about it.

36 shares on Threads this month:

Waiting until 4:59 p.m. on Fridays to send an email, because any response is Monday’s problem.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

I’m not crazy, I’m just mentally spicy.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

I love Pinterest. No opinions. No bad vibes. Just pretty pictures.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

Life hack: You can’t be sad if you are asleep.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Need to become a tour guide. I’ve just realized it’s the only job I can think of that combines my loves of walking around and knowing more than everyone around me.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

Wolves should really raise more people.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

It’s freaking me out to think of how bad I’d look at the Met Gala.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

Stop animal testing! Use my ex!

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

Growing your own tomatoes really is the best way to devote 3 months of your life to saving $2.17.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

Just checked my bank account. Looks like everyone’s getting a hug for Christmas.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

If you live in the same hemisphere as me, you’ve probably already heard me sneeze.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

The difference between me and Superman is that he has super vision, and I need supervision.

Breaking via Facebook:

I don’t wanna meet your family, bring my plate to the car.

Spotted on Telegram:

My coffee and I used to be hot. Now, we’re just bitter.

Going bananas on Discord:

If hot showers aren’t good for you then why do I emerge from them bright red like a beautiful ruby?

Shared recently on Telegram:

I march to the beat of my own dumb.

Freshly posted on Discord:

When you have finished reading this funny quote, you will be a little closer to death than before.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Why can’t I cry money instead of tears?

Spotted on Pinterest:

If you’re reading a book in public, you better be on at least page 140 or something.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Going out with 38% battery and no boyfriend.

Shared recently on Slack:

If a door closes, you can just open it again. That is a door. Doors work like this.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

There is too much happening for mid-December. Where are the canceled meetings? Why are we not circling back next year?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Judging by the hair on my couch, I’m surprised I have any cat left at all.

Male birth control is free, and it’s called wearing Crocs with socks.

Being skinny may be nice, but chicken nuggets are even nicer.

Release that sexual frustration, get a burger.

Your 20s are for lusting after furniture you can’t afford actually.

Mrs. Doubtfire is my favorite movie about violating a custody agreement.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨