Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

If you want to make your mother proud, make her my mother-in-law.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

If you would like to get an idea of what an exorcism is like, try putting clothes on a toddler.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

My superpower is holding onto stuff for years and throwing it away exactly one week before I need it.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

I’m very loyal to whatever brand is on sale.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

We should all start texting each other like old time explorers. ‘Dearest friend, I have survived another week. The horrors persist.’

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

They say time is the solution to every problem. I’ve been waiting for five hours already and the room is still messy.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

I’m not even sure what I’m doing on this planet.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

“Clean” my shower? Then what? Give my car a ride into town?

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

Don’t worry, nobody noticed the weird thing you did. They’re too busy with the weird thing you said.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

220 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,489

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,489

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,612

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

The worst thing is finding out the “sweet guy” is just a lustful loser.

Seen just now on X:

If you’re feeling lonely, start a small business. Then you’ll have a little company.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Christmas lights: the only thing bright around here besides my personality.

Just shared via Reddit:

I didn’t buy that thing I wanted but didn’t need, so I celebrated by buying a different thing I wanted but didn’t need.

Going viral on Pinterest:

My biggest fear is waking up and being in the Renaissance era or something. Imagine having the knowledge of hot dogs but lacking the tools to make them.

Breaking via YouTube:

I was gonna brush up against you like a cat, but whatever, bro.

Making waves on TikTok:

Cracking the ice cubes out probably feels so good for the ice tray.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

“I’m either extremely productive or staring at the wall like I’m in a Victorian painting.”

Seen just now on Slack:

Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.

Trending via Telegram:

Twitter is like a mental hospital where everyone thinks they are the only sane person and everyone else is crazy.

We can do things one of two ways. My way or my other way.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic two-way street… where both options lead straight to the same destination: their way 😂🚗💨 #MyWayOrMyOtherWay"

choice, decision, humor, options, perspective, simplicity, things, ways

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Returning to Twitter is like coming back to a dysfunctional family.

0

2 months ago

back, coming, comparison, dysfunctional, dysfunctional family, family, humor, media, return, returning, social, social media, Twitter
Have kids so you can fully appreciate how well your dog listens.

0

2 months ago

appreciate, appreciation, comparison, dog, family, humor, kids, listen, parenting, pets, well
Lowkey terrifying when someone attractive is actually into you, omg.

0

3 months ago

actually, anxiety, attraction, attractive, crush, dating, fear, humor, insecurity, OMG, relationship, social, social anxiety, someone, terrifying
You can tell a lot about someone by the stuff you make up in your head about them.

0

2 months ago

assumptions, head, humor, imagination, lot, perception, psychology, relationships, self-reflection, someone, stuff, tell, thoughts
Unfortunately, the movie you want to watch is unavailable on your 13 streaming services. You can rent it for $2.99 though.

0

2 months ago

$2.99, entertainment, frustration, humor, irony, movie, rent, service, services, streaming, streaming service, unavailable, unfortunately, want, watch
I wish it was socially acceptable to DM someone, “Hey, why did you and your partner break up?”

0

2 months ago

acceptable, break, breakup, DM, i, norm, partner, question, relationship, social, social norm, socially, someone, why, wish

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

72 shares on TikTok this month:

My dog sighs a lot for someone who doesn’t pay any bills.

42 shares on Snapchat this month:

People just don’t stop, collaborate, and listen like they used to.

67 shares on X this month:

Love crawling into bed like it’s a spa retreat, only to wake up like I survived a bar fight.

68 shares on Twitch this month:

It ain’t easy being America’s sweetheart during these dark times, but someone gotta do it!

43 shares on Snapchat this month:

There are only two portion sizes for mashed potatoes: nowhere near enough (posh restaurants) or far, far too much (literally everyone else).

31 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I love when my cat sighs at me, like what’s got you stressed out my little freeloading homicidal maniac!?

81 shares on Facebook this month:

I can understand why chickens wake up and scream.

46 shares on Slack this month:

Going to McDonald’s to get the Grinch meal, then going to Burger King to get the Spongebob meal. Then disappearing into the forest for twenty years.

59 shares on TikTok this month:

They should have a special lane for texting and driving.

91 shares on Reddit this month:

That awkward moment when someone keeps watching you while you are eating.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

If I like cleaning? Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

I’ve arrived like the sun: blinding, necessary, and impossible to ignore.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

The void screams into me.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

I miss when The Weeknd was making sex-addict-on-drugs music.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

I grew up ugly, so I had to be funny, and then got hot in my twenties, so that’s how I became perfect.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

I hate lying to my parents but it’s for their own good.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

Trying to be cute today but my face isn’t cooperating.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

When I hear the word “horror”, the first thing I think of is bills, not Halloween.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

Me, watching porn: they’re just going to let that pizza get cold?

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

Keep moving, lady, I don’t have room for you in my delusions right now.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

If the earth is so flat, explain why cats haven’t pushed everything off it yet. You can’t.

Trending via Threads:

The real flex is how many wounds you can turn into wisdom.

Making waves on Pinterest:

You don’t need fun to have alcohol.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Sometimes I wish I understood what some of you said and sometimes I am happy that I don’t.

Spotted on TikTok:

Matcha. Dubai chocolate. Jealousy. Green is back in a big way, and likely due to deforestation.

Seen just now on YouTube:

“Why are you so quiet?” Because I’m barely even here.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

We can do things one of two ways. My way or my other way.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Returning to Twitter is like coming back to a dysfunctional family.

Have kids so you can fully appreciate how well your dog listens.

Lowkey terrifying when someone attractive is actually into you, omg.

You can tell a lot about someone by the stuff you make up in your head about them.

Unfortunately, the movie you want to watch is unavailable on your 13 streaming services. You can rent it for $2.99 though.

I wish it was socially acceptable to DM someone, “Hey, why did you and your partner break up?”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨