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Commentary:
Looks like the Mayans left us a note in their calendar like, "Seriously guys, don't go beyond 2012 – we've got things planned after that!" 📆🙈 Oh well, we clearly missed the memo! Whoops! 😅🌎 #MayaOops

2012, culture, date, humor, joke, Mayan, prediction, prophecy, stop, told, warning

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My teen is asking for noise-cancelling headphones like I’m going to give him the gift of ignoring me better.

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2 months ago

asking, better, gift, give, going, headphone, headphones, humor, ignoring, me, noise-cancelling, noise-cancelling headphone, parenting, sarcasm, teen
I always set two alarms, one for “Good Intentions Me” and one for “The Real Me”

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2 months ago

alarm, always, good, humor, i, intentions, me, motivation, procrastination, real, self-awareness, set
My favorite pastime is staying up way later than I should and complaining the next day about how tired I am.

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5 months ago

am, complaining, day, deprivation, fatigue, favorite, humor, i, late, later, next, pastime, procrastination, should, sleep, sleep deprivation, staying, staying up late, tired
I get it, sauce, I also thicken over time.

0

2 months ago

aging, food, humor, i, over, sauce, thicken, time
My grandad fought Germans on the beaches of Normandy. This was last summer and it was very embarrassing.

0

2 months ago

bea, embarrassing, family, fight, Germans, grandad, humor, last, Normandy, summer, war
“I’m going to try underthinking about a situation, and see if that works.”

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2 months ago

attempt, decision making, going, humor, mindset, problem, self-reflection, situation, thinking, try, underthinking, works

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

10 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m sorry that I bit you, I was trying to flirt.

18 shares on Slack this month:

Too poor for Ozempic but too undisciplined for strict diet and exercise. Is there a secret third option?

37 shares on Twitch this month:

Paid my rent and slept in every room of my house this week, kitchen and laundry room next.

13 shares on Snapchat this month:

Not the sharpest cheddar on the charcuterie board.

27 shares on Messenger this month:

My retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding a buried treasure at some point.

72 shares on Discord this month:

Interviewer: Give an example of a difficult scenario and how you handled it. Me: I poured a bowl of cereal but had no milk, so I used ice cream.

37 shares on Facebook this month:

Cowboy outfits should be called ranch dressing.

54 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You only live once and thank God for that.

20 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You’ve never burned music to a CD, and it shows.

91 shares on Facebook this month:

All my small talk is done with a car horn.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

They should send the Epstein list to everyone’s phones like that U2 album.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

Asked a German woman why Germany produced so many legendary physicists / mathematicians, and her response was basically, “Have you considered educating people who aren’t rich?”

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

Those 8 hours at work go by quickly when you call off.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

The first 120 hours after the weekend are always the worst.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

Sharks are orcs, dolphins are elves.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

Gonna toot my own horn here because I made it through another day without turning any of my feelings into felonies.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

Fact: cats sit on your lap to dominate you.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

What was the name of the boat in Titanic?

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

Taking my heart off my sleeve, I fold it up neatly and carefully place it back inside my chest.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

Will someone please make me drink some water and limit my screen time?

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Reddit:

Do married people watch Gen Z dating and feel like they caught the last chopper out of Nam?

Going viral on Twitch:

I feel like you’re allowed to start your day at 4 p.m. if you are pure of heart.

Trending via Slack:

I’ll be honest. I can’t solve your problems. What I can do is create new, bigger problems that will make your current problems seem quaint by comparison.

Breaking via Twitch:

I think I can now safely say that none of my co-workers were “personality hires”.

Just landed via Messenger:

Tonight, my poor liver has to pay again for what went wrong during the week.

Spotted on Reddit:

Forgot my glasses, so I’m pointing at a random spot on the menu and hoping for the best.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Taking a guy from skinny jeans to linen trousers, that’s my way of giving back to society.

Freshly posted on X:

Like me, the weather is getting cooler around here.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Are French bulldogs actually French? They seem kinda Puerto Rican.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

It took three employees to help me complete “self-checkout” yesterday.

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Activity Log ✨

“We told you to stop at 2012!” – The Mayans

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

My teen is asking for noise-cancelling headphones like I’m going to give him the gift of ignoring me better.

I always set two alarms, one for “Good Intentions Me” and one for “The Real Me”

My favorite pastime is staying up way later than I should and complaining the next day about how tired I am.

I get it, sauce, I also thicken over time.

My grandad fought Germans on the beaches of Normandy. This was last summer and it was very embarrassing.

“I’m going to try underthinking about a situation, and see if that works.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨