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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

How can I be expected to get out of bed when I don’t want to?

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

Can’t, holding a grudge.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

Happy return of “yes of course it’s bedtime, see how dark it is outside” to all parents who celebrate.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

I told my wife to embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

I love being outside, just not when it’s too cold or too hot or too wet or too windy or if there are bugs.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

I hate when people tell me I need to “get out of my comfort zone,” like I don’t even have a comfort zone; I am literally always uncomfortable.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

Tidying up usually ends up with you sitting somewhere and playing around with things you found while tidying up.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

I’m so tired of not being a multimillionaire.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

Today’s youth will never experience the pain of spending all their pocket money on a music album. Because of ONE good song!

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Every girl’s personal hell is being too excited about their birthday and it ends up being the worst day ever.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

817 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,979

Funny Quotes Topics

13,919

Funny Quotes Images

10,979

Updated

19 minutes ago

Users Online

3,443

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Just shared via TikTok:

“Are you seeing someone?” Like a hallucination, therapist, or a guy?

Seen just now on Pinterest:

“No idea” doesn’t mean I don’t know the answer. I just don’t want to have a conversation.

Just shared via Reddit:

You don’t scare me, you’re not my ID photo.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I thought my wrinkles were finally getting smaller, but it turns out my eyes were just getting worse.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Spending 5 minutes looking up every word I want to use in a sentence to make sure I can define it in case they ask.

Spotted on TikTok:

Everyone who dramatically ‘quits’ social media is back in 48 hours like it was just a trial separation.

Going viral on Slack:

I remember when “disinformation” used to be called “lies.”

Freshly posted on Threads:

Have you ever met the human version of a headache?

Just landed via YouTube:

I am brilliantly social for one and a half hours, and then I need to recover in my bedroom cave for two days.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Teens be like, “I wanted to do that until you asked me to.”

Women are so hot, I wish they were good people.

5 months ago

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Commentary:
"Women are like spicy peppers 🌶️ – hot and bold, but sometimes they bring tears to your eyes! 😂 #Can'tHaveItAll"

attraction, good, good person, hot, humor, i, irony, people, person, wish, women

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

Super quick question: does anyone know what the point is?

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

The closer you are to nature, the further you are from idiots.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

Lifting my wife’s wedding veil and finding out she’s Darth Maul.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

If I’m not spoken to, my morning grumpiness goes almost unnoticed.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

I like to swear a lot so that people will keep their kids away from me.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

God, never seen San Francisco this bad. Spiderwebs completely covering entire business, skeletons just strewn about sidewalks in every neighborhood. Things have got to change!

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

Counting calories is a great way to combine super fun things like math and not eating.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

Spongebob wouldn’t even mess with some of y’all. But he’d hang out with me because my heart is pure, and I like to laugh a lot.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

It’s kinda weird that in order to go to sleep you have to pretend like you are already sleeping.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via YouTube:

Twitter is basically a psychiatric ward where all the patients diagnose each other.

Just shared via Instagram:

The inventor of autocorrect walked into a bar and ordered a bear.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Grape soda doesn’t taste at all like grapes, but it does taste like purple, and I don’t know how to explain that.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

My dog just tracked and successfully located a folium lanceolatum, more commonly known as a leaf.

Making waves on Threads:

More often than not, I read applause as applesauce.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.

Just shared via WeChat:

That awkward moment when someone keeps watching you while you are eating.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Tuah Kill a Hawkingbird

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I’m sorry, but when you call me ‘batshit crazy’ it’s almost starting to sound like you think it’s a bad thing!

Spotted on Reddit:

Relationship status: you’d think something called a Roomba would be a better dancer.

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Activity Log ✨

Women are so hot, I wish they were good people.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Oh, you like NYC? Name every rat.

If the Christians published the Kama Sutra, it would have been one page long.

Her heart is an abandoned garden filled with ghosts and dying flowers.

Is it ‘My wife and I’ or ‘Me and my wife’? Anyway, we just robbed a liquor store.

That awkward moment your mom is doing the dishes and you slowly put your dish in the sink.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

In contrast to the ship, the movie Titanic was quite well received in America.

Me, literally climbing out of a dumpster: Can I give you some personal advice?

Every Sunday is superbowel if you eat enough chili.

If your first child is uncomplicated, then it’s a trick of nature to get you to have a second child. The second will be an unpredictable bundle of energy that seems to get by without sleep.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

My wife rearranged the kitchen cabinets, and now I’ll never eat again.

I believe the IRS is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

Has someone told the whales that they can’t sing?

Pirate: walks the plank. Someone’s dad: Is this teak?

“I could see myself living here,” I said, in a different city for more than 24 hours.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

You wish you had this many chins.

The government even made aliens boring.

If you stare at your face in the back of a spoon you look a lot like someone who doesn’t know how to use cutlery.

Tried a smile yesterday and my white blood cells attacked it.

You’re always bitching about your alarm clock, but put yourself in his shoes. The first thing he sees in the morning is your face.

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Women are so hot, I wish they were good people.

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