Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

You can have glossy lips or you can have a cat. You can’t have both.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

Not today, Satan, but next week works.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Job interviewer: “Where do you see yourself in 5 years’ time?” Me: “My greatest strength is that I’m a good listener.”

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

If a girl sends you selfies and you don’t compliment her, she should be allowed to electrocute you.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

Exercise won’t cure your depression, but it can make you hotter than your enemies.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

I’m not gaining weight, I’m retaining candy.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

Your brain automatically translates WTF but not LOL.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

I applied for a job and got it, and now I really have to go there. Crap!

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

God’s plan for me does not involve LinkedIn at all.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

Mothers be doing unnecessary housework and then get mad at you when they’re tired.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,317

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Reddit:

I didn’t lose a girlfriend, I gained an enemy.

Just landed via Facebook:

My problem is I always think I can get ready in 15 minutes when I have repeatedly proven that I can’t.

Going viral on YouTube:

At the grocery store, progressively booing louder as the clerk scans each item.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

My handwriting makes a pharmacist look like a calligrapher.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

You could go camping or you could stay at home, not shower, leave dirt on the floor and let some squirrels in.

Shared recently on Telegram:

People often mistake me for an adult because of my age.

Just shared via Reddit:

Driving behind a salt truck on a snowy day is a Midwest police escort.

Trending via Facebook:

Meatloaf is a good safe word. It means I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that…

Going viral on Discord:

Nothing tests your patience like a group chat blowing up your phone.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

A dating app that matches people by the conspiracy theories they are interested in.

You ever see a woman so beautiful it makes you momentarily mentally ill?

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When beauty becomes a health hazard! 😵‍💫😍 #BeautyOverload"

admiration, attraction, beautiful, beauty, crush, ever, health, humor, infatuation, mental, mental health, mentally, woman

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The real body count is how many people are in therapy because of you.

0

2 months ago

body, body count, consequences, count, humor, people, real, relationships, therapy
Whenever an insect rides for miles on my car, I imagine it thinking: “Oh crap, moving again!”

0

2 months ago

again, car, humor, i, imagination, imagine, insect, miles, moving, oh, perspective, road, road trip, thinking, travel, trip, whenever
Gollum is like, “Actually, this is my emotional support precious.”

0

2 months ago

actually, character, emotional, emotional support, Gollum, humor, lord, Lord of the Rings, meme, precious, rings, support
You know it’s bad when people start telling you, you are the strongest person they’ve ever met.

0

3 months ago

bad, compliment, encouragement, ever, humor, interaction, irony, know, met, people, person, resilience, social, social interaction, start, strength, telling
I like to keep my wife guessing by walking around the backyard carrying a ladder and a chainsaw.

0

2 months ago

activity, around, backyard, carrying, chainsaw, funny activity, guessing, humor, i, joke, keep, ladder, relationship, surprise, walking, wife
When I moved into my new igloo, my friends threw me a surprise housewarming party. Now I’m homeless.

0

5 months ago

friend, friends, homeless, homelessness, housewarming, housewarming party, humor, i, igloo, joke, me, moved, moving, new, party, surprise, surprise party

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

53 shares on Messenger this month:

At the end of my appointment, the doctor took her own blood pressure.

72 shares on WeChat this month:

We’re so close to “Let’s circle back next year” season, I can taste it.

60 shares on YouTube this month:

Some people avoid bacon for the sake of religion. I avoid religion for the sake of bacon.

47 shares on Facebook this month:

It doesn’t matter how old you get, buying snacks for a road trip should always look like an unsupervised 9-year-old was given $100.

37 shares on Facebook this month:

It’s a paradox that your nose is running and your feet smell.

51 shares on WeChat this month:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I never wanted to download the Microsoft Authenticator app on my personal phone to access every professional platform necessary to do my job.

38 shares on TikTok this month:

Not to brag, but I don’t fight with people on the internet.

70 shares on Twitch this month:

Some days you just feel like a hotel microwave. You’re here, but you don’t have enough power to actually do anything.

78 shares on Telegram this month:

If reports from this daisy are accurate, she loves me not.

38 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Living up to your potential sounds exhausting.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

I’ve started ripping my shirt in half like Hulk Hogan when I mean business. Long story short, I’m looking for a new job.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Just washed my windows and not a single bloke came out and said ‘You can do mine next!’ This used to be a real country.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

It’s a little ironic when you consider that the Internet was invented to save time.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

Tuesday is no better than Monday.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

I’ve never seen a Cybertruck with anyone in the passenger seat.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

I appreciate the interest, but I’m officially removing myself from the running to be the next James Bond. Thank you for your understanding.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

Maybe the elephant doesn’t want to be addressed, and we should respect their boundaries.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

“I’m just a girl!” No, you are a monster.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

Your 20s are for trying soup, making new soups, and discussing soup or soup related topics.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

April fools prank: replace all the sugar in your house with cocaine.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Discord:

I see posts like, “If food is too expensive, just grow your own.” Okay, Einstein, why didn’t I think of that?

Just landed via Messenger:

Those 8 hours at work go by quickly when you call off.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

No haunted houses for me this year. If I wanna be frightened, I’ll just look at my 401k.

Making waves on Slack:

People in glass houses shouldn’t throw orgies.

Shared recently on Twitch:

The night before a day off is more satisfying than the actual day off.

Spotted on Twitch:

It’s so crazy how people are never down to just go get a burger. It didn’t used to be like this.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Please don’t tell me how bad your life was growing up, we had to manually roll up our car windows.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Double chins are better than double faces.

Breaking via X:

Every millennial is now paying Apple $9.99/month for 2TB just to not delete their life.

Trending via Slack:

That awkward moment when someone gets angry at you for clicking a pen, but you have to click it one more time to use it.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

You ever see a woman so beautiful it makes you momentarily mentally ill?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

The real body count is how many people are in therapy because of you.

Whenever an insect rides for miles on my car, I imagine it thinking: “Oh crap, moving again!”

Gollum is like, “Actually, this is my emotional support precious.”

You know it’s bad when people start telling you, you are the strongest person they’ve ever met.

I like to keep my wife guessing by walking around the backyard carrying a ladder and a chainsaw.

When I moved into my new igloo, my friends threw me a surprise housewarming party. Now I’m homeless.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨