Zen and the Art of Empty Pockets.

86 shares on Discord this month:

And for my next trick, I will turn yesterday’s sweatpants into today’s sweatpants.

96 shares on Twitch this month:

Going to the beach as a feet guy must be insane.

16 shares on Telegram this month:

Has anybody else completely lost it or is it just me and Kanye?

46 shares on Discord this month:

Being smart is a curse. You see the game, the lies, the patterns, but you still gotta play dumb to survive.

74 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m just here trying to spread a little joy while the world burns. Is that so wrong?

38 shares on Discord this month:

The healthy food in my fridge should be grateful really. It survives much longer than everything else.

31 shares on Pinterest this month:

You have one week to ask me to be your Valentine. Requests must be in the form of poetic verse written in your blood.

95 shares on Pinterest this month:

Can we all agree that Mini Cooper drivers need to put an extended flag on the back of their cars so the stalls where they’re parked stop looking empty?

24 shares on Messenger this month:

My favorite military tradition is asking someone what an acronym means right after they use it, and they don’t know what it means.

55 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The dead bodies on Mt. Everest remind me that it’s perfectly fine to stay home and be lazy.