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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

Hey, if the Earth could stop air frying me, that’d be great.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

I’m not a dietitian, but if you eat pizza right at midnight your body doesn’t know if the calories go towards yesterday or today so they don’t count.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

Much like a candle, I was tall when I was young, but I get shorter as I grow old.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

I only see psychics so that I can keep arguing with dead relatives.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

Painted all of my red flags orange for fall.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

First date idea: we search for each other’s criminal history together.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

Ah, summer. When my non-consensual relationship with mosquitoes begins.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

That Coldplay CEO guy was held more accountable than the president.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

The first person to throw out bath water: Uh oh.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

I’ve decided that I’m going to underthink today.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,242

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Snapchat:

Unfortunately, if you want to end your single life, you have to do something. So that’s not for me.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Some days you are the table and some days you are the toe.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Hey, boy, are you the worst-case scenario? Because you’re all I think about.

Making waves on Discord:

Got an email from my bank saying “is your 401k enough to retire on” and it’s like you are my bank, you know it’s not.

Making waves on Telegram:

You can add tears while cooking if you don’t have salt.

Live now on YouTube:

I don’t always push on pull doors but when I do, I do it two or three times to confirm how dumb I really am.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Reincarnation, in this economy?

Trending via Reddit:

Absolutely love wanting to do a lot of things and ending up not doing even one! Yay.

Live now on Discord:

A guy waited exactly 3 days to text me. Someone’s been studying the ancient scrolls of 1980s dating advice.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

“Excuse me, are you gonna finish those fries?” Me, interrupting a couple fighting.

38% of being a dad is sitting in a car, looking at your watch, and waiting for everybody else to come out.

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38% of being a dad is sitting in a car, looking at your watch, and waiting for everybody else to come out.
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Commentary:
Dad time management: mastering the art of "sit and wait" since the beginning of time ⏱️😂🚗👨‍👧‍👦

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

12 shares on X this month:

IKEA assembly instructions should come with a glossary of Swedish swear words.

51 shares on Instagram this month:

I just love the lack of privacy in the pharmacy line. Just standing there shouting out my name, date of birth, and exactly what is wrong with me for the world to hear.

44 shares on Threads this month:

Who needs a weighted blanket when you’ve got the weight of the world?

24 shares on Messenger this month:

Unemployed folks always have esoteric knowledge, for some reason.

11 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m not falling for it again. These missions have been successful 8 times already.

100 shares on Facebook this month:

What is your favorite movie where Tom Cruise runs really fast?

41 shares on TikTok this month:

For Halloween, I will be okay.

56 shares on Pinterest this month:

It’s not a Sunday unless you completely waste it and then feel sad around 8 p.m.

34 shares on Facebook this month:

Naked and Afraid because there’s a spider in the shower with me.

43 shares on TikTok this month:

Tuah Kill a Hawkingbird

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

My wife almost fell down the stairs today and that got us into a heated argument whether my gasp was out of concern or excitement.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

My whole life, I never read a warning label telling me not to eat laundry detergent or put glue in my hair, somehow I just knew.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Hi. I didn’t mean to “like” your tweet. I was scraping dried jelly off my phone.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I finally got 8 hours of sleep. Took me four days, but whatever.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

We hate the same people and it’s so romantic.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

No, I love darkness at 5pm and the death of a nation.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Like, who are those little paper umbrellas trying to protect?

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve reached the age where people talk loudly and slowly to me.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m currently on a really effective diet called “I only have twenty dollars until payday”.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine she’s home alone, bored out of her mind, and she STILL won’t put that laundry away. She is me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,558

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

I don’t know why hair extensions are exclusive to women, I want to look like a centaur.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

I offered my nephew a donut and he said “no thanks, I’m not hungry right now” and I don’t think this little guy knows how donuts work.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

If I had a dollar for every time I didn’t know what was going on, I’d be like, why am I always getting all this money?

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

It’s only a family vacation if you think “We’re never doing this again” at least once.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

My New Year’s resolution will be to stop chasing waterfalls, and stick to the rivers and the lakes that I’m used to.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

I’ve started taking a brisk walk straight after dinner and it’s saving me an absolute fortune on restaurant bills.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

None of this is happening. It’s all in your phone.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

I hate it when I go to hug someone sexy and hit my head on the mirror.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

It’s been my experience that people seem a lot nicer before we get married.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

Some people believe the appendix is a vestigial organ, that its use has long since passed. I think it’s primordial. Its use has yet to come.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Slack:

I don’t understand construction. Like, how do they know what to do next?

Just landed via LinkedIn:

The most dangerous drinking game I play, is seeing how long I can go without coffee.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

My favorite thing to do is nothing.

Spotted on Instagram:

They said don’t try this at home, so I’m coming over to your place.

Spotted on Threads:

A flat stomach is one of the best accessories.

Making waves on YouTube:

I’m actually really fun once you get to know me (takes 3-4 years).

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Life hack: put on an apron at home and people think you’re super busy doing important stuff even when you’re not.

Shared recently on Messenger:

So tired of looking in my wallet and not finding $10,000

Making waves on X:

Called in, “If we’re living in a simulation, just simulate that I’m in the office today.”

Making waves on Telegram:

I haven’t had sex in so long, I forgot how to moan, what if I mess up and bark?

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