Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

It was the worst of times, it was the worst of times.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

Next on Tiny Houses: A family of 6 moves into a boat emoji.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

I’ve decided to handle this like a mature adult, I’m telling your mom.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

Someone in their late 20s giving advice to someone in their early 20s is exactly like when a toddler is obsessed with a newborn.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

1pm, the perfect time to start doing the work I woke up early to get a jump on.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

The best thing capitalism has done is put a little window on pasta boxes so the noodles can look out at the world.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

I’m the only person breathing through my nose at this Walmart.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

I named my dog “5 Miles,” so I can tell people I walk 5 miles every day.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

I am awake. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

I left the house with wet hair and no makeup on, so I’m sure I’ll run into everyone I know.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,726

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Messenger:

I might start telling people I’m 10 years older than I actually am just so they can tell me how great I look for my age.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

My eye doctor is alarmingly young and when he said he thought I had a chalazion or a hordoleum, I thought he might be referencing Pokémon.

Spotted on Threads:

Take a broken girl, fix her. And she will go back to the same guy again.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I was dropped as an adult.

Just shared via Reddit:

How lazy are you?” I greet people by raising my eyebrows.

Trending via TikTok:

Anyone who says there are no stupid questions is welcome to drop by my office. My colleagues will prove you wrong.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I’ve reached the age where people talk loudly and slowly to me.

Shared recently on TikTok:

There should be guide dogs that prevent you from making bad decisions.

Seen just now on WeChat:

In a relationship with my heated car seat.

Freshly posted on Slack:

When I take a walk, I bring dog treats and people treats. I almost never mix them up.

38% of being a dad is sitting in a car, looking at your watch, and waiting for everybody else to come out.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Dad time management: mastering the art of "sit and wait" since the beginning of time ⏱️😂🚗👨‍👧‍👦

being, car, dad, else, family, humor, humor quote, looking, parenting, patience, sitting, stereotype, waiting, watch

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Your honor, if it pleases the court, I brought homemade brownies for everyone.

0

2 months ago

baked, baked goods, browny, court, courtroom, dessert, everyone, funny statement, goods, honor, humor, i, judge, legal, statement, trial
The universe consists of 5% protons, 5% neutrons, 5% electrons, and 85% morons.

0

2 months ago

electrons, humor, intelligence, joke, moron, neutrons, physics, protons, science, universe
If you want to make God laugh, inhale some helium then tell Him your plans.

0

2 months ago

faith, God, helium, humor, inhale, irony, joke, laugh, plans, tell, want
You may think no one is there for you, but there’s laundry. Laundry is always there for you.

0

2 months ago

always, cleaning, companionship, everyday, everyday life, humor, laundry, life, loneliness, support, think
As a student, the most comforting words you’ll ever hear are “I haven’t started either.”

0

2 months ago

comfort, ever, hear, humor, i, most, motivation, procrastination, starting, student, words
I accidentally used my dog’s shampoo today, and now I’m feeling like such a good girl.

0

2 months ago

accidentally, dog, dogs, feeling, girl, good, grooming, humor, i, lighthearted, pet, playful, self-deprecating, shampoo, today, used

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

55 shares on Twitch this month:

Don’t forget to set your clocks back to seasonal depression this weekend.

46 shares on Snapchat this month:

My dad’s handwriting makes a pharmacist look like a calligrapher.

57 shares on Messenger this month:

Nothing more humbling than being at a karaoke birthday party with a bunch of singers.

42 shares on Snapchat this month:

Fun fact: The US was originally not meant to be a reality TV show.

62 shares on Instagram this month:

When the grocery store moves the aisles around, you should be able to call the cops.

31 shares on Threads this month:

I hate when I grab a live wire and everyone sees my damn skeleton.

78 shares on Pinterest this month:

It was the worst of times, it was the worst of times.

82 shares on Pinterest this month:

Oh, you’re in a situationship? Are you the one with commitment issues or the one with low self-worth?

72 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m so thankful I live on the planet that has pizza.

16 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Why procrastinate now when you can always procrastinate later?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

She said she liked animals but apparently all the fruit flies around my apartment was a “turn off”

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

Pinterest recipe so long that it’s now a limited series on Netflix.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

Who needs therapy when you can just cry in a fast-food parking lot.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

The older I get, the more I treat birthdays like one-night stands and just pretend they didn’t happen.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

“Each to their own!” Translation: You’re wrong, but never mind.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

Being flirted with while you’re on the clock feels like a hostage situation.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

All I care about is being financially stable and getting sexier.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

Someone told me I’ve gained weight. I told them it was for a part in a movie. I’ve never acted in my life. Until that moment.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

The female brain works like the internet. You can delete something, but it’s never really gone.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

The only time you should be faking it is when your pet checks to see if you’re awake.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via TikTok:

Flirting when bored can really get you into some unwanted situations.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I don’t drink blood to stay young. I do it mainly for the lifestyle.

Spotted on Telegram:

I have everything you could possibly ever need in my purse, except for money.

Just shared via Reddit:

Flirting with submissives is actually really easy. All you gotta do is send a gif of a small animal and say, ‘This is so you.’

Seen just now on Telegram:

It is a mistake to say that the people who live a hundred years from now will have nothing to laugh at. They can laugh at us.

Just landed via Facebook:

Diet Coke is just a fridge cigarette.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

I kind of enjoy living in a world where I can end a conversation by simply not texting back.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Can somebody explain to me why it’s bad if immigrants take our jobs, but it’s good if AI does?

Making waves on TikTok:

I wouldn’t describe myself as an “adult”, per se. More like a “long child”.

Live now on Telegram:

Might start a YouTube channel “will it hurt if I drop it on my foot”.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

38% of being a dad is sitting in a car, looking at your watch, and waiting for everybody else to come out.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Your honor, if it pleases the court, I brought homemade brownies for everyone.

The universe consists of 5% protons, 5% neutrons, 5% electrons, and 85% morons.

If you want to make God laugh, inhale some helium then tell Him your plans.

You may think no one is there for you, but there’s laundry. Laundry is always there for you.

As a student, the most comforting words you’ll ever hear are “I haven’t started either.”

I accidentally used my dog’s shampoo today, and now I’m feeling like such a good girl.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨