Netflix will help you finish spelling the name of the movie you’re looking for, and then tell you they don’t have it. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Telling men I have a boyfriend doesn’t chase them away anymore, so I’ve started telling them I have a child. Posted onMay 30, 2026
The term “bisexual” is so confusing. Are you sexual twice a week or once every other week? Posted onMay 30, 2026
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your dog can stay home for the hour you’re at the grocery store or restaurant. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Having divorced parents as an adult is funny because you and your siblings are like, “Damn, who has custody of Mom today?” Posted onMay 30, 2026
Rental car companies seem so insanely helpless at their one job. You show up at the airport, reservation in hand, and they’re like, ‘Wait, really? You wanted a car? Sorry, you totally caught me off guard.’ Posted onMay 30, 2026
There is no physiological reason to yell when you sneeze. People who do that are simply weak and rude. Posted onMay 30, 2026
The difference between me and Superman is that he has super vision, and I need supervision. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Men who tell their woman she’s pretty, for no particular reason, keep that shit up. Posted onMay 30, 2026
As someone with OCD, I can’t help but respect how Pringles are just like, no, this is the order you must eat them in. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here eating Nutella from the jar with a spoon. Posted onMay 30, 2026
“A healthy lifestyle is all about balance,” I say as I drive through Taco Bell after working out. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Don’t forget to be mean to strangers on the internet today, for no reason whatsoever. Posted onMay 30, 2026
So heartbreaking to do laundry and realize you can’t wash the clothes you’re literally wearing right now… you will never have a completely fresh start. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Does my career know that I’m pursuing it, or is it another one-sided relationship? Posted onMay 30, 2026
At the grocery store, progressively booing louder as the clerk scans each item. Posted onMay 30, 2026
What did people do before eyeglasses, like half the world just walked around not being able to see? Posted onMay 30, 2026
Why do they make the wine glass so large if you’re not supposed to fill it to the top? Posted onMay 30, 2026
How come all the single people don’t need no one, and all the married ones need two? Posted onMay 30, 2026