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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

I hated rats even before my girlfriend left me for one.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

Having a blocked nose really makes you appreciate the finer things in life, like breathing normally.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

I hope I don’t die of something stupid like old age, I want a piano to fall on my head.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

Fifteen years ago, makeup was all powders and dusts. But now, it’s all goo and liquid. From this, I can infer that by 2040, it will all be made of pigmented gases.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

Sometimes the best thing about my job is that my chair turns.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

Every guy wants to be called Daddy till that test comes back positive.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

Randomly hearing your favorite song is more satisfying than putting it on yourself.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

I don’t argue with idiots on the Internet, I just keep scrolling and mind my own business.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

Throwing someone under the bus sounds hard, let’s just sell ’em down the river and call it a day.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

Netflix needs to stop asking if I’m still watching and start asking if I moved the laundry to the dryer yet.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,516

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Why are people always so scared of self-checkouts when shopping? It’s much quicker and you always get something for free.

Live now on Discord:

I have a date and nothing to wear. Or as Nietzsche said: If you stare into a closet long enough, the closet stares back at you.

Trending via Instagram:

Haunted Houses this year are just gonna have the news on.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I used to think I was indecisive, but I’m not too sure any more.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

I like to swear a lot so that people will keep their kids away from me.

Just shared via Instagram:

I’m having a garage sale and hope people I’ve borrowed things from don’t come.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

In retrospect, I guess “one drunken night of stupidity” isn’t the best response when a child asks you where babies come from.

Going viral on Reddit:

I still make time for all my favorite hobbies, like drinking, swearing, and making people feel uncomfortable.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Italians, look away now. I break my spaghetti in half before I cook it.

Going viral on Reddit:

If I were a billionaire, I wouldn’t build rockets to escape to Mars. I would build rockets to make everyone else leave Earth.

Desperately seeking my soul, mate.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Sounds like your soul could use a GPS! 😅🔍💖"

dating, humor, irony, love, mate, relationship, search, seeking, soul

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I met a microbiologist today. He was a lot bigger than I expected.

2 months ago

bigger, expectation, humor, i, joke, lot, microbiologist, science, size, today
Just accidentally closed a tab I’ve had been meaning to read for the past two years.

2 months ago

accidentally, closed, closure, humor, just, meaning, past, procrastination, read, tab, time
I just got lied to by 3K+ people. That recipe was awful.

2 months ago

awful, cooking, disappointment, humor, i, just, lie, people, recipe
I’ve never been cut in half by a magician, but I have worn jeans on Thanksgiving. Same thing.

2 months ago

clothing, comparison, cut, experience, funny comparison, half, humor, i, jeans, magician, never, same, Thanksgiving, thing
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

3 months ago

advice, humor, laughter, life, positivity, short, short life, smile, still, teeth
They should invent a customer service center that isn’t “currently experiencing higher than normal call volume”.

2 months ago

call, call volume, center, customer, customer service, frustration, humor, invention, irony, normal, service, should, volume

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

74 shares on Snapchat this month:

Just seen a guy with a Coca-Cola and yellow Lay’s chips. Classic combo, he knows his stuff.

31 shares on TikTok this month:

I missed out on drowning tragically young in a suburban swimming pool.

39 shares on X this month:

Now hush, Lil Labubu, don’t you cry, everything’s gonna be Dubai.

74 shares on Messenger this month:

Grandmas be like: Imma stay for a few days and reset your children back to factory settings.

87 shares on Threads this month:

I’m at the age where I see a huge, beautiful mansion in a movie and think, “How much does it cost to heat that house in the winter?”

61 shares on Snapchat this month:

Please don’t take illegal substances. Or at least, don’t take MY illegal substances.

41 shares on Facebook this month:

Accidentally wore a blue shirt to Walmart and now I’m in the stockroom showing Sue how to use the forklift.

75 shares on X this month:

My fridge turns into a food retirement home, as soon as I buy groceries.

35 shares on Telegram this month:

Sometimes, fasting from people is also important.

43 shares on YouTube this month:

Waiting until 4:59 p.m. on Fridays to send an email, because any response is Monday’s problem.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

Ever read a post multiple times, still tilt your head and whisper, “What?!”

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

Offering someone food, and secretly hoping, they don’t want it.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

I love men with a provider fetish.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

You’re an atheist? Well, I don’t believe you. See how you like it.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

I like when the rain is misty and you get to feel like a grocery store broccoli for a little while.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

I’m a credit card, cause I’m always being used or denied.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

A pessimist is just an optimist playing hard to get.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

They are mad because you took that knife out of your back and used it to cut ties.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

Smart people are like huskies. If you don’t give them an interesting problem, they become an interesting problem.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

I don’t have bad handwriting, I’m just using my own font.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Snapchat:

When a man is a good cook, that cancels out like three red flags.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Thank you, God, for another day. Let’s get this 12-hour screen time.

Just landed via Facebook:

Another Netflix price increase? Guess we’re only chilling now.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Men playing hard to get when they’re already hard to want, is so funny to me.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

It’s a beautiful day to ignore your existing problems and create new ones.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Let’s see how long my Monday slump lasts this time. Last week it was until Friday.

Seen just now on Discord:

Commenting “AI slop” under pictures of my friends’ kids opening presents.

Going viral on Pinterest:

This tape doesn’t even taste like scotch.

Trending via Snapchat:

My future husband is probably enjoying a nice summer with his first wife… but the seeds of discontent are there.

Breaking via X:

I want whatever the people who run at 6 a.m. have.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Desperately seeking my soul, mate.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I met a microbiologist today. He was a lot bigger than I expected.

Just accidentally closed a tab I’ve had been meaning to read for the past two years.

I just got lied to by 3K+ people. That recipe was awful.

I’ve never been cut in half by a magician, but I have worn jeans on Thanksgiving. Same thing.

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

They should invent a customer service center that isn’t “currently experiencing higher than normal call volume”.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨