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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

I’m writing a book on the joys of drinking beer. So far I’ve been through a lot of drafts.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

You gotta separate the art from the artist. Like, for example, sometimes the artist is really nice but their art sucks.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

Could a mosquito drink blood out of a cup or something or are they legally required to Capri Sun my legs all summer?

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

Just know that somebody out there is thinking of you, and you should really lock your doors.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

I’ve noticed that when young people now talk about “old people”, they mean me.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

If oats can be milk, you can be whatever you want.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

I’m sorry I lied to you. I only did it for material gain. And to cause you psychological harm. And to prove I’m smarter than you.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

My life is simple, I see a queue of more than 6 people, I go home.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

It’s comical when I lean back in my chair only to realize it’s a stool.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

When my husband says, “Let me ask my wife,” he’s just using me as an excuse to get out of whatever you’re asking him to do.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

219 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,488

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,488

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,392

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Telegram:

I am at the age where I question throwing away a box because, “It’s a really nice box.”

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I put my pants on like everyone else. With hope they still fit.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Don’t be afraid to ask questions during a job interview. It’s the best way to find out if the person you’re interviewing is a good candidate for the job.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Self-discipline is tough because I’m the boss of me, and that guy runs a real loose ship.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

You ever get road rage while walking behind someone moving slowly at the grocery store?

Breaking via WeChat:

Is it socially acceptable to wear pajamas all day if you’re constantly holding a coffee cup?

Going viral on Instagram:

There’s a cougar warning in my neighborhood, but apparently it’s just a big cat. I bought a case of wine coolers for nothing.

Going bananas on TikTok:

I could be staring at my hand locking my front door, and I still won’t feel 100% sure my front door was locked.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Let’s ride this misunderstanding into the sunset.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

You ever notice how when you get home from food shopping, the kids turn into airport security?

Don’t worry, nobody noticed the weird thing you did. They’re too busy with the weird thing you said.

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Don’t worry, nobody noticed the weird thing you did. They’re too busy with the weird thing you said.
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Commentary:
"Remember, it's all about timing! 🤪 Say something bizarre to distract from your strange actions. 🙃 Who knew being weird could be so strategic? 😂"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

19 shares on X this month:

Blocking someone isn’t enough; I need their PornHub videos to always buffer, just as they’re about to climax.

49 shares on Messenger this month:

You didn’t let me know you got home safely so you better at least be injured or I’m gonna be pissed.

57 shares on Messenger this month:

Every guy wants to be called Daddy till that test comes back positive.

81 shares on Threads this month:

I never argue, I just explain why I’m right.

89 shares on TikTok this month:

Stop worrying if people like you. They don’t.

52 shares on Telegram this month:

Middle-aged math is going out drinking and feeling half your age then waking up the next morning feeling twice your age.

82 shares on Messenger this month:

I know sacrifice. I’m willing to pluck a few extra hairs to get to the white ones.

43 shares on Facebook this month:

This is your sign to cancel all work meetings today.

72 shares on WeChat this month:

Not to brag but I gave someone directions and he made it.

83 shares on Threads this month:

I could tell by the way she was pouring gasoline on a pile of my clothes that the relationship had hit some turbulence.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Opened two gifts this morning, and they were my eyes.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

When I get bored on a Zoom meeting, I put a cursor under the speaker’s nose to make it look like they have a booger.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

The Scream movies were believable in the ’90s, but no one with any common sense answers unknown numbers on their phones anymore.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

“Oh, I’d love to but I can’t.” Translation: I don’t want to so I won’t.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m still tired from yesterday’s tired.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

You get to a certain age and realize stretching is non-negotiable.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Do beavers even know what they’re doing, or do they just see water flowing down a river and think, “Absolutely not”?

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I am listening to Pharrell Williams’ smash hit song “Happy,” and understanding for the first time that it was truly intended to distress.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

What’s a polite way to tell someone you hope they get mauled by a bear?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

219 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,488

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,488

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,544

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

If you’re looking for a quiet place to talk to yourself, my DMs are open.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

Your problems are neither sexual nor spiritual, they are gastrointestinal.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

Who called it a deep freeze instead of ice-o-lation?

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

All my small talk is done with a car horn.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

Skinning your knee as an adult is so humiliating. That’s the toddler injury.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

I will sit in the rain about this.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

Love how Batman: The Animated Series seems to take place in the 40s and the 50s and the 70s and the 90s all at once.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

I didn’t believe in karma until I was scheduled to work at 6am on a holiday.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

It’s funny how it’s often easier to access academic resources illegally, even when you have university library access.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

If the office is always a little cold, you might be working for the lizard people.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

The fewer the people, the greater the inner peace.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

If it’s a ghost ship, why does it have to be on water?

Trending via Instagram:

Dating these days is like trusting a crackhead to come back with your change.

Broadcasted on Discord:

I bet my calculator app wrapped would be pretty shameful.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

You want me to turn around? The thing that led to a total eclipse of the heart.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Growing your own tomatoes really is the best way to devote 3 months of your life to saving $2.17.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Sometimes I want to go back in time and punch myself in the face.

Going viral on Slack:

Did 900 crunches today. It was a bag of Cheetos, but still.

Going viral on Discord:

Passive income? Brothers, I need massive income.

Making waves on X:

Much of my algorithm is based on when I paused while scrolling to grab a snack.

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