Funny backyard quotes

• I just finished cleaning the house for Thanksgiving, so if you’re looking for my family they’ll be in the backyard until Thursday.

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  4 hours ago

  backyard, celebration, cleaning, family, finished, holiday, house, humor, i, just, looking, Thanksgiving, Thursday

• I’ve reached the age where I just bought a bird bath for my backyard.

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  2 months ago

  age, aging, backyard, bath, bird, bird bath, decor, humor, i, just, outdoor, outdoor decor, retirement, where

• Everyone’s “the nicest guy ever” until the cops are in their backyard digging up several bodies.

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  2 months ago

  backyard, body, cops, crime, dark, dark humor, deception, digging, ever, guy, humor, police, reputation, sarcasm

• People who wear jeans for fun around their house have bodies buried in their backyard.

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  2 months ago

  around, backyard, body, buried, domestic, domestic life, fashion, fun, house, humor, jeans, life, people, wear

• I like to keep my wife guessing by walking around the backyard carrying a ladder and a chainsaw.

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  2 months ago

  activity, around, backyard, carrying, chainsaw, funny activity, guessing, humor, i, joke, keep, ladder, relationship, surprise, walking, wife

• I like to scan my backyard every hour with a high power flashlight to let my neighbors know I won’t tolerate any weirdness around here.

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  2 months ago

  activity, around, backyard, every, flashlight, funny activity, here, high, hour, humor, i, know, let, neighbors, power, scan, security, tolerance, weirdness

• I try to shoot all of my garbage into outer space, but usually it just lands in my neighbor’s backyard.

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  2 months ago

  backyard, creativity, garbage, humor, i, just, neighbor, neighbors, outer, outer space, perspective, problems, shoot, space, try, waste

• I’m ready for a new relationship. My past is buried in the backyard, to fertilize the tomatoes.

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  3 months ago

  backyard, beginnings, buried, fertilize, humor, new, new beginnings, past, ready, relationship, tomat

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