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I'd save so much on gas and sanity if teleportation was an app! 🚀📱
483 Funny being quotes
The older I get, the more I realize being in a hurry is a terrible way to live your life.
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Who knew that slowing down could be the fast track to happiness? 🚶♂️🍃🚫⏰
People don’t hate working, they hate working and still being poor.
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When your bank account's as antisocial as you want to be after work. 💸😅💤
The best part about being married is having a permanent person to debrief with immediately after any social event.
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Finally, a lifetime subscription to the post-social event gossip club! 🗣️💬👫🤣
I love being home and doing absolutely nothing and never contributing to society.
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Finding my Zen through advanced couch potato techniques 🛋️🍕😂
The concept of hot water showers feeling so good but not actually being good for your hair or skin is disgusting.
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Ah, the paradox of life—turns out my favorite spa session is also a sabotage mission for my hair! 🚿😱💁♀️
Being a little older, I am very fortunate to have someone call and check on me every day. He’s from India, and he’s very concerned about my car warranty.
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Getting international attention for my car, but I just need a local miracle to fix it! 🚗🔧😂
The problem with relationships these days is you don’t know if you’re the one being cheated on, or cheated with.
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Love triangles are so last year; now it's more like a love hexagon! 🤔🔍❤️
Being anti-AI right now feels like being one of the few unbitten humans in a zombie apocalypse.
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Trying to be anti-AI now is like trying to convince zombies you're not for dinner 🧟♂️🤖🍽️
There are beautiful horny women (me) being forced into celibacy due to the utter lack of worthy men in existence. This is the world we are living in now.
Commentary:
Sounds like it's time to start a "Worthy Men" boot camp! Applications open now! 😂👩✈️🔍