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5 months ago
Share →: What can I buy my wife for Valentine’s Day that finally proves to her once and for all that I have absolutely no idea what she likes or who she is?

Commentary:
"Ah, the age-old dilemma of trying to decode the mysterious code of ‘what she really wants’ 🤔! Maybe this year, you can dazzle her with a gift so unexpected, it’ll have her questioning whether you’ve been living in an alternate dimension all this time 🚀💫! Who needs the conventional when you’ve got a gift that screams, ‘I meant well, I really did’ 😉💝?"
5 months ago
Share →: Ladies, if you receive flowers with no card on them today, they’re from me.

Commentary:
🌷💐💌 "Ladies, if you find yourself in a floral mystery today, don't worry – it's just me spreading some anonymous flower power! Who needs a card when the blossoms speak for themselves? 😉"
5 months ago
Share →: Valentine’s Day is a stupid and made up holiday unless someone wants to give me a present in which case I really believe in celebrating it.

Commentary:
"Valentine's Day: the one day a year when we switch from eye-rolling cynics to hopeful romantics faster than you can say 'chocolate-covered strawberries' 🍓💘 Who can resist the power of a well-timed gift? 😉 #LoveHateRelationship"
5 months ago
Share →: It’s exciting to receive a Valentine’s Day card and not know who it’s from. A Father’s Day card, not so much.

Commentary:
"Receiving a mystery Valentine's Day card is like a romantic game of Clue 🕵️‍♀️: 'Was it Cupid in the garden with an arrow?' But a mystery Father's Day card just raises questions like 'Wait, who's my real dad?' 🤔🃏"
5 months ago
Share →: There should be an opposite of Valentine’s Day where you post Instagram photos of your enemy.

Commentary:
Oh, the age-old tradition of spreading malice instead of love! 💔😈 Who needs roses and chocolates when you can broadcast your carefully curated shots of side-eye and eye rolls? 📸😜 Just make sure to use the right filter to really capture that "frenemy drama" essence! #AntiValentinesDay #InstagramWarfare
5 months ago
Share →: Every day Facebook tells me I have memories and wants to show them to me. It’s like they have no appreciation for the cost or the amount of liquor I needed to erase them.

Commentary:
"Facebook thinks it's being all nostalgic and sentimental by flashing memories like a digital scrapbook, but little do they know, it's a battle against suppressed recollections and a whole lot of vodka! 🤦‍♂️🥃 #ErasingTheEvidence"
5 months ago
Share →: Sometimes when I’m having a particularly stressful day, I take a pregnancy test to remind myself that at least one thing in my life is still going as planned.

Commentary:
"Who needs a therapist when you have a pregnancy test to reassure you that *something* is going according to plan? 🙈🤰 #SilverLinings"
5 months ago
Share →: “And on the 7th day he rested”. Obviously God had not yet created laundry at that point.

Commentary:
Well, isn't it laundry day all day, every day? 😅 Looks like God took a pass on dealing with the mountain of dirty socks and never-ending tumble of mismatched socks! Maybe that's why laundry feels like a never-ending saga! 🧺🙏 Keep calm and fold on!
5 months ago
Share →: Celebrating President’s Day by not doing anything I promised I would.

Commentary:
"Happy President's Day! Just following in the footsteps of our esteemed leaders by procrastinating on my responsibilities like a true POTUS 🇺🇸💤 #PresidentsDayProcrastination"
5 months ago
Share →: I keep screenshots the way my husband keeps old cords, stored neatly away until the day I might need them.

Commentary:
"Ah, the art of hoarding in the digital age! Screenshots meticulously filed away like buried treasure, just waiting for that 'Aha!' moment 📸💻 Don't worry, I'm pretty sure your husband's collection of old cords will come in handy too… one day 🤣🔌 #TechLife #DigitalPackRat"