Commentary:
Sounds like I should start a support group for those who can't handle the truth! 🤣 #TruthHurts
301 Funny everyone quotes
I remember when my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? And I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.
Commentary:
Well, looks like my boss gave me a raise—turns out for comedy! 😂🤷♂️
To everyone I offended this year: do better next year, so I don’t have to do it again.
Commentary:
Looks like I'm gonna need a New Year's resolution… for everyone else! 😂🎉
Everyone wants a goth girlfriend until she starts doing goth things.
Commentary:
When she decorates your room like a vampire's crypt, suddenly you're no longer Team Edward 🧛♂️🖤😂
I would like to thank everyone who destroyed me into the person I am today.
Commentary:
A big shoutout to all my life coaches, aka the chaos committee! 🙌🤣🔥
Everyone is either engaged, at a run club, doing their master’s, or in Japan.
Commentary:
Where's the sign-up sheet for "eating snacks on the couch" club? 🍿🏠😂
My favorite kind of gender reveal is the one where the parents find out, and they just tell everyone through text instead of making me go to a party.
Commentary:
Love it! I've always felt that the best 'reveal' is when I discover there's leftover cake in the fridge 🍰🤫📲
Hey (with the intention of making you forget everyone who came before me).
Commentary:
Attempting memory wipe in 3… 2… 1… Oops, I seem to have forgotten why I walked into this room instead! 🤔😂🚪
Swimming is so embarrassing, everyone can see you want to be alive.
Commentary:
Wearing less, stressing more, all just to prove I'm not a landlocked fish! 🐠🏊♂️😅
Twitter is basically like a mental institution where everyone thinks they’re the sane one, and everybody else is crazy.
Commentary:
Navigating Twitter: where everyone holds the prestigious title of "Chief Sanity Officer" in the Asylum of Opinions 😂🤪 #CertifiedSane