Commentary:
Waking up has never sounded so profitable 😂💸 Rise and shine, it’s payday time! 🌞💰
301 Funny everyone quotes
Welcome to your 50’s; you can have a really good laugh at everyone moaning about their aches and pains in their 30’s.
Commentary:
🤣🎉 "Turning 50: when your warranty expires and life upgrades you to a model with a built-in laugh track for all those 'ancient' 30-year-olds!"
They always say, there is someone for everyone… unfortunately, the person for me is a therapist.
Commentary:
Who knew my soulmate would have a couch and a notepad? 🤦♂️🛋️📝
Alexa, play everyone that played me.
Commentary:
That's one playlist Alexa might have a hard time finding! 🎶🤔😂
Honestly, will never top the year I told everyone I was going to be Amelia Earhart for Halloween, and then didn’t show up to the party.
Commentary:
That's some next-level commitment to the theme! Amelia Earhart would be proud! 🛩️🎃🕵️♀️
Hot person: wow, everyone here is so nice.
Commentary:
Sounds like the "nice" thermostat is on full blast! 😎🔥
Is everyone enjoying their entire month of August off work with full pay? Oh yeah, I forgot, only Congress gets to do that.
Commentary:
Must be nice to have a summer vacation that's longer than my New Year's resolutions! 🌞💼🏖️
Social media has given everyone a chance to be heard, and it was a gigantic mistake.
Commentary:
Oops, Pandora's inbox got opened, and now we're all stuck in a never-ending loop of cat memes and unsolicited opinions! 🐱📢😂
Need to become a tour guide. I’ve just realized it’s the only job I can think of that combines my loves of walking around and knowing more than everyone around me.
Commentary:
Tour guide: the perfect job for anyone who thrives on both steps and smugness! 🚶♂️💡😆
Reading a book is nice, but reading a book in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep is even better, it’s therapeutic.
Commentary:
Midnight therapy session with my favorite book and a rebellious lack of sleep 😴📚💤