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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

I set up my Nativity scene, but since baby Jesus hasn’t arrived yet, Mary, Joseph and all the Wise Men are just looking down at their phones.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

If you can’t laugh at yourself, I will.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

I hate that I present as an independent woman who doesn’t need any help. It’s a facade. Help me.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

I’m not a fan of camping, if I wanted to sleep outside I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

I can’t believe the gall of this bladder.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

A hammock is a terrible place to receive bad news.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

Not to brag, but I’ve done nothing for several hours.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

Weekends are a scam, you spend one day exhausted and the other day anxious. Like, what the hell was that?

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

“Girls just want to have fun!” No, I want one million dollars cash.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

I live in my own little world. But it’s ok, they know me here.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,353

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Reddit:

Oh no, a login from a new device? And that device is my phone? The one that I use every single day? And the location is my house, you say? Thank you so much for warning me. I will contact Interpol.

Just shared via TikTok:

Just once I’d like to buy a house plant that didn’t have the lifespan of a soap bubble.

Shared recently on Threads:

When the salesman from the hearing aid company calls, I stay on the line and answer every question with ‘What?’

Trending via Instagram:

Of course I have critical thinking skills, I’m thinking critically of you right now.

Trending via Threads:

Flat earth is too mainstream, hollow earth is where it’s at.

Making waves on YouTube:

Sometimes I’m like….. what is the point of all this? And then I hang out with the people I love, and for a brief moment, I see.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

You ever feel awkward in Target, cause you know you belong at Walmart.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Does anyone know where I can get my shit together?

Seen just now on Telegram:

There should be a website where you post your wishes, and rich people who don’t know what to do with their money give you an anonymous gift.

Shared recently on Slack:

Drive as I say, not as I drive.

18 Funny fairy quotes

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Social Media Stars ⭐

48 shares on WeChat this month:

The police said I was a ‘suspect’, but I prefer being called a ‘person of interest’.

93 shares on YouTube this month:

Think about how many more lovers you’d have if a cross country high-speed rail existed. That’s what they are taking away from you.

53 shares on Slack this month:

New year update: losing everything but weight.

66 shares on TikTok this month:

If you stare at your face in the back of a spoon you look a lot like someone who doesn’t know how to use cutlery.

39 shares on Instagram this month:

I hate having a body, it’s so high maintenance. Shower this, eat that, drink this, sleep that, it’s all very stupid.

74 shares on X this month:

I shaved my legs today and it was the fastest 3lbs I’ve ever lost in my life.

87 shares on Telegram this month:

Kids: making things way more difficult when they don’t have to be, since the dawn of man.

53 shares on Pinterest this month:

For Halloween, you should be mine.

13 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Every guy wants to be called Daddy till that test comes back positive.

89 shares on Messenger this month:

My chess strategy is eating one of your pieces every time you look away.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m starting to think the voice in my head doesn’t like me very much.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

On Twitter, you will always find someone who is tweeting your thoughts but with better grammar.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Need to become a tour guide. I’ve just realized it’s the only job I can think of that combines my loves of walking around and knowing more than everyone around me.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Fries, not lies.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

If a stranger starts talking to me in an elevator I say “I don’t want to talk in case we get stuck and I have to eat you” that usually shuts them up.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I heard you like bad boys. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Worrying is just worshipping the problem.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

“You look tired.” Yes, bro, I stayed up all night obsessing over things I have no control over.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

My boyfriend talks to everyone while I stand by quietly, planning my escape.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,265

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say: “Close Enough.”

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

My favorite conspiracy theory is that things will get better.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

You call it nagging, I call it ‘listen to what I said the first time!’

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

It’s a shame that the know-it-alls know everything better but don’t do anything better.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

I’m just going to be hotter. It’s easier than being nicer.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

It used be called “talking to yourself” but the new term for it is “podcasting”.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

I like driving by myself. I just played the same song 36 times.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

When I was a kid, we still ate noodles. Then at some point we ate pasta. Today, we only eat carbs.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

I already know how it will end. One of my children will unplug my life support to charge their phone.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Discord:

Once I started spending my own money, I realized my mom was right. We do have food at home.

Making waves on TikTok:

Shoutout to my kids because they aren’t listening!

Shared recently on Twitch:

80% of Americans just want to put on sunglasses and say, ‘Let’s do this.’

Just shared via Messenger:

Jurassic Park came out decades ago, and now I feel like a fossil.

Trending via X:

Hope this email finds you moonwalking out of work early.

Trending via X:

Venn diagrams. You either love ‘em or you hate ‘em. Or you’re somewhere in the middle.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Patience and forbearance are those qualities you develop when there are too many witnesses.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Candy cigarettes really used to be a thing and we really bought them and walked around like we were smokers at the tender age of 6.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

A person becomes 10 times more attractive not by their looks but by photoshop.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

You give my middle finger an erection.

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