Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

Americans saw water freeze at 0°C and said, “Let’s make that 32.”

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

The dumbest thing about YouTube ads is how they seem to think that I’m a moron.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

Studies show that sleepwalking has decreased among Americans over the last 10 years. Typical lazy Americans.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

My superpower is giving you the middle finger using my eyes only.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

Sorry I missed your call. I saw that you were calling and immediately threw my phone into an active volcano.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

The art of letting whoever think whatever.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

I watch “Law and Order” so much that when I turn off the TV, I wipe my fingerprints off the remote.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Can’t believe we stayed up and screamed “Happy New Year” for this shit.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

Friends are God’s way of apologizing to us for our families.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

I set up my Nativity scene, but since baby Jesus hasn’t arrived yet, Mary, Joseph and all the Wise Men are just looking down at their phones.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,568

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

You’re so cultured I’mma start calling you Yogurt.

Broadcasted on Slack:

How about hold me as tight as you’re holding onto that grudge?

Going viral on WeChat:

People be like, “I’m a work in progress” and never make any progress.

Going viral on Messenger:

Welcome to middle age. “I carried a watermelon” has gone from a movie quote to something you tell your orthopedist.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Super excited about a brand new year full of questionable life choices.

Just shared via Telegram:

“Are you busy tomorrow?” That entirely depends on what you need me to do.

Live now on Twitch:

Theo Von’s entire life is like a raccoon that visits New York City.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Breaking news: Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Hosting Thanksgiving? Bring up politics so everyone will leave early.

Going bananas on Twitch:

My sister: snowboards. My brother: skateboards. Me: charcuterie boards.

Funny grocery shopping quotes

Funny grocery shopping quotes bring a hilarious twist to your cart adventures 🛒😂! From unexpected cravings to checkout surprises, these witty lines capture the everyday chaos and joy of hitting the aisles 🍎🥦. Whether you’re a snack hoarder or list-forgetter, get ready to laugh your way through the produce section and beyond 🥳🛍️! Perfect for sharing with fellow shoppers who know that grocery runs are anything but boring.

New funny grocery shopping quotes 👇

Once I started spending my own money, I realized my mom was right. We do have food at home.

0

2 months ago

budgeting, food, grocery, grocery shopping, home, humor, i, mom, money, once, own, parenting, realization, right, shopping, spending, started
I don’t know what’s more fun—grocery shopping or making the old men blush by asking if these melons look ripe.

0

2 months ago

activity, asking, blush, flirting, fun, fun activity, grocery, grocery shopping, i, know, making, man, melon, melons, men, old, old man, ripe, shopping
Grocery shopping while hungry feels like online shopping while drunk.

0

2 months ago

drunk, drunk shopping, experience, grocery, grocery shopping, humor, hunger, hungry, online, online shopping, relatable, relatable humor, shopping, shopping experience
One of my favorite parts of grocery shopping is when somebody else does it for me.

0

2 months ago

convenience, daily, daily life, else, experience, favorite, favorite part, grocery, grocery shopping, humor, life, me, parts, shopping, shopping experience, somebody, someone, someone else
Grocery shopping before Christmas is a nightmare. My milk expired while I was waiting in line.

0

2 months ago

before, Christmas, expired, grocery, grocery shopping, i, line, milk, nightmare, shopping, waiting
Me before grocery shopping: only healthy foods, no impulse buys, I can do this. Me during grocery shopping: they make chocolate filled marshmallows?

0

2 months ago

before, buy, chocolate, experience, filled, food, grocery, grocery shopping, healthy, healthy food, i, impulse, impulse buy, marshmallow, me, self-control, shopping, shopping experience, temptation
I don’t want to party like it’s 1999, I want to go grocery shopping like it is.

0

2 months ago

1999, activity, fun, fun activity, grocery, grocery shopping, humor, i, nostalgia, party, shopping, want

All funny grocery shopping quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

69 shares on Threads this month:

The word ‘stan’ comes from the Eminem song “Stan” which is about one of his obsessed fans. What if Eminem named the fan ‘Dennis’? We could be saying, “I dennis Beyonce.”

12 shares on Slack this month:

Just worked out for 2 hours straight and 1 hour gay.

99 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Do you mind if I wear my black T-shirt covered in pet hair to your fine dining establishment?

78 shares on Messenger this month:

This December is not Decembering like the other Decembers Decembered.

44 shares on Slack this month:

My goal was to look good in a bikini this summer, but the call of the barbecue is stronger.

60 shares on Telegram this month:

Andrew Tate is what you’d get if Axe body spray gained consciousness.

62 shares on WeChat this month:

My computer: Consider changing your password. Me: Consider fighting me in the streets.

40 shares on Reddit this month:

At first, big breasts were attractive, then suddenly it was big butts. I’m waiting for it to finally be big bellies.

10 shares on WeChat this month:

Always keep a dog eared book on your nightstand so that people think you know how to read.

80 shares on WeChat this month:

Blocking isn’t enough, I hope your pillow never has a cold side.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

You don’t use a semicolons correctly; you use a semicolon confidently.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Facial recognition technology, but for me when I’m talking to people I’ve apparently met before.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Had calamari for the first time ever, and it wasn’t that bad. Maybe I’ll try marriage next.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Old age is like a glorious, extended long weekend, but you always know Monday’s coming.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Why does the phone ring longer when you’re ignoring the call?

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Guy smoking weed daily: “I think smoking weed in moderation is fine.”

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Anti-capitalism is just code for “I don’t know how anything works.”

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone hates on the dentist but at least they don’t try to weigh you.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve got midlife crises older than you.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Only money has the right to say “you’ll regret losing me”. The rest of you calm down.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,346

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

Do you mind if I wear my black T-shirt covered in pet hair to your fine dining establishment?

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

Everyone becomes a robo-dancer when the motion sensor faucet isn’t working.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

Went outside. Touched grass. Got bit by bugs. Zero stars.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

They should invent harmless cigarettes for aura farming purposes.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

I just start doing the Macarena when I want to end conversations now.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

I visited my doctor today. He told me my sugar was too high. So I came home and moved it to a lower shelf.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

The only downside to dating hot men is that when it ends, he’s still hot.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

According to the amount of bacon I just cooked, I’m 4 people.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

In my 20s: I’m gonna live forever! In my 40s: uh oh!

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

The days will soon be shorter again. Then it won’t rain for so long.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on X:

October is the situationship of months. So briefly beautiful, but you know the horrors are imminent.

Trending via Facebook:

Welcome to Twitter: yeah, none of us can sleep either.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

You can always tell it’s Monday because nobody’s smiling.

Going viral on Discord:

I don’t need to grow a thick skin. The world needs to grow fewer thorns.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

I’ve been blocked, unfollowed, and unfriended, but I’ve never been told I’m bad in bed.

Spotted on Twitch:

I’m still repaying karmic debt from that time I was 12 and gave the middle finger to a cow at the state fair.

Just landed via WeChat:

I found out my wife was cheating on me at a Red Hot Chili Peppers concert, and I don’t ever wanna feel like I did that day.

Going viral on WeChat:

Been acting really busy today because I can tell my coworker wants to talk about something in his personal life.

Spotted on Threads:

I grew up in a really small town. The closest thing we had to food delivery was someone egging your house.

Spotted on Twitch:

Awkward is the new sexy. At least that’s what I’m telling myself, so I don’t cry in front of strangers.

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