74 funny history quotes - Page 2 - Wordgag

If history is repeating itself, when can I buy a pet dinosaur?

May 24, 2026

A lot of y’all don’t understand politics because your history teacher was the football coach.

May 23, 2026

Nobody ever talks about how Sodom and Gomorrah were walkable cities.

May 23, 2026

Actors in black and white movies were often putting their lives in danger during driving scenes, as they weren’t able to tell if the traffic light was red or green.

May 23, 2026

Two bros having a conversation in the 1700s like “omg, we should totally start a pamphlet”

May 23, 2026

The first pyramid scheme was when the Egyptians took credit for the pyramids that were clearly built by aliens.

May 23, 2026

The invention of locks was a key turning point in history.

May 23, 2026

Crazy to think that even after all of these years the Titanic’s pool still has water in it.

May 23, 2026

Flossed the day before a dentist appointment like I was cramming for a history test.

May 23, 2026

If history repeats itself, I’m getting a pet dinosaur.

May 23, 2026

‘Sex with your ex’ is so stupid. If you want to dwell on the past, you can just buy a history book.

May 23, 2026

I remember when a computer didn’t automatically connect to the internet, it used to make a screaming noise. We should have listened.

May 23, 2026May 23, 2026

Traveling back in time to proudly inform Benjamin Franklin that my stove has wifi.

May 22, 2026

Forget my browser history, when I finally pass from this earth, please delete my calculator history because it’s way more embarrassing.

May 22, 2026

The world needs to chill out. There’s no way future history teachers can cram all this nonsense into a semester.

May 22, 2026

80 years ago we would have all been institutionalized and I think that’s beautiful.

May 22, 2026

I bet the inventor of the cannon would be relieved to know that they’re mostly about t-shirts now.

May 22, 2026

The good news is cannon deaths have gone down dramatically in the last hundred years.

May 22, 2026May 22, 2026

I just lost all my tabs. Only now do I understand the tragedy that was the burning of the Library of Alexandria.

May 22, 2026

Tonight I will make history, by turning off incognito mode.

May 22, 2026

Time travel is all well and good, but I feel so stupid right now. None of them have the mustache. No way to tell which baby is Hitler.

May 22, 2026

Jesus rose from the grave because he forgot to clear his browser history.

May 22, 2026

Thinking of starting a true crime podcast. Gotta explain this search history somehow.

May 22, 2026

The history of mankind would have been completely different if Adam and Eve had been Chinese. They would have left the apple hanging and eaten the snake.

May 22, 2026

Spices were first brought to Western Europe in the Middle Ages. Some of them are still at the back of my cupboard.

May 21, 2026

150 years ago, you could just fake your death and go overseas and live a completely different life if you didn’t like the way the cards were originally dealt.

May 20, 2026

The History Channel, because where else are you going to learn about how aliens were instrumental in the development of humanity?

May 20, 2026

Mad that so many renaissance artists were named after ninja turtles.

May 20, 2026

Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

May 20, 2026

If my calculator had a history, it would be more embarrassing than my browser history.

May 20, 2026

Ancient Egyptians used to worship cats and write on walls, a practice we still continue to do today on the Internet.

May 20, 2026

Might make a living will because I don’t want my family deciding whether to pull the plug. My dad has a long history of being against wasting electricity.

May 20, 2026

I hate it when I check my transactions history, and everything adds up like damn, so no one stole from me.

May 19, 2026

I can’t believe we became the adults in the most unaffordable period in history.

May 19, 2026