248 funny house quotes - Page 2 - Wordgag

Thinking of starting a club for people who don’t like to leave their house. There are no meetings.

May 28, 2026

I just want a bar where I can pour my own drink, have music at a normal volume, and there are no people, and it’s my house.

May 28, 2026

The only ‘survival horror’ game I play is called ‘getting up every day and leaving the house.

May 28, 2026

Being in a rich person’s house is so stressful. Like, why am I struggling to find the trash?

May 28, 2026

Obviously, I’m gonna upload pictures with filters and in my best angles. If you wanna see the ugly side of me, come to my house, but bring ice cream.

May 28, 2026

Next on Tiny Houses: A family of 6 moves into a boat emoji.

May 28, 2026

My husband is trying to convince me that we’re in a situationship. “The situation is that we live in the same house and love each other.”

May 28, 2026

“I’m not afraid to admit when I’m wrong. For example, I thought it was a good idea to leave the house today, which, as it turns out, was a terrible mistake.”

May 28, 2026

If you’re soft, don’t come to my house, cause my kids will roast you.

May 28, 2026

My favorite thing to do on the weekend is not leave my house.

May 28, 2026

Yes, I upload photos with filters because I want to look good. If you want to see the ugly side of me, come to my house.

May 28, 2026

I’m surprised some of you are allowed out of your house on your own.

May 28, 2026

People who live in glass houses should be put on a watchlist.

May 27, 2026

From now on, I’m gonna tell guests that I made my house especially messy just for their visit. It was hard, but I got it done.

May 27, 2026

It’s important to get out of the house every once and a while to remind yourself of why you don’t go out.

May 27, 2026

When I’m dying, please rush me to the nearest haunted house. I don’t want to haunt a shitty apartment by myself.

May 27, 2026

I have two reactions when I leave the house: Ew, the people. Ew, the weather.

May 27, 2026

People who live in glass houses shouldn’t change clothes.

May 27, 2026

The Sunday struggle is wanting to relax and wanting a clean house, but also not wanting to clean or move.

May 27, 2026

Getting the house to yourself for a night is basically winning the lottery.

May 27, 2026

People in glass houses shouldn’t throw orgies.

May 27, 2026

American homes are so strange because, why is your front door in the living room?

May 27, 2026

I can clean the whole house if I want to, but if someone asks me to do it, suddenly I’m lazy.

May 27, 2026

Every house has a smell that only the people living in it don’t smell.

May 27, 2026

Me, having zero balance in my account, viewing houses worth 10 million, and being like, “No, I don’t like the kitchen.”

May 27, 2026

Every day when I get home, I thank my cats for allowing me to live in their house.

May 27, 2026

I do block people right away; you’re not going to stress me out on my own phone, with my own internet, and in my own house.

May 27, 2026

Landlord: I’m raising your rent. Me: Am I getting a bigger house?

May 27, 2026

The great thing about having a mouse in your house is that I’m sure it’s just the one mouse, probably.

May 27, 2026

I really hope my house is haunted and not in need of structural repairs.

May 27, 2026

Seeing people exercising outside my house really motivated me to get up and close the blinds.

May 27, 2026

The worst thing you can do when cleaning your house is “sit down for a minute.”

May 27, 2026

Does everyone in the world want to come to my house tomorrow?

May 26, 2026

I love it when my dog suddenly gets up and goes to another part of the house. Did you just remember you left the stove on or something?

May 26, 2026

We work all week to work some more around the house all weekend long. Isn’t life grand?

May 26, 2026

If you have an old house, but you haven’t got a ghost, you should complain to the estate agent.

May 26, 2026

Remember, you don’t have to worry about being around annoying people in public if you never leave the house.

May 26, 2026

I hate when a guy asks “can you cook?” Can you build a house?

May 26, 2026

Every time I have to leave the house and be around people I remember why I hate having to leave the house and be around people.

May 26, 2026

If you wave your keys in front of a giant house, people will think you own it.

May 26, 2026