248 funny house quotes - Page 3 - Wordgag

I grew up in a really small town. The closest thing we had to food delivery was someone egging your house.

May 21, 2026

Nothing brings neighbors together like a few cops cars in front of another neighbor’s house that no one likes.

May 21, 2026

You’re so vain. You probably think me being in this tree outside your house is about you.

May 21, 2026

Oh no, a login from a new device? And that device is my phone? The one that I use every single day? And the location is my house, you say? Thank you so much for warning me. I will contact Interpol.

May 21, 2026

Our house is so messy that if we ever disappeared, the police would have no idea if there were “signs of a struggle”.

May 21, 2026

There is a house I drive by most days and I can never tell if they are having a yard sale or that is just how they live.

May 21, 2026

Haunted house idea: a poorly lit Walmart littered with people you haven’t seen since high school.

May 21, 2026

Anyone else who tells their pets every time they leave the house that they’ll be back soon?

May 21, 2026

You try to fart in the toilet in the morning without waking the whole house and thanks to the brilliant acoustics of the toilet bowl, the horn of Gondor sounds.

May 21, 2026

A really good magician could be living in your house and you would never know.

May 21, 2026

You either have a full ketchup bottle in your house or an almost empty one. There’s no in-between.

May 21, 2026

The fact that I have a lot of wine in the house proves that I don’t drink much. Otherwise the wine would be gone.

May 21, 2026

The Sims fulfills the millennial fantasy of being able to afford a house in a walkable neighborhood on the salary of a professional carrot peeler.

May 21, 2026

The most annoying child in our house is that of my mother-in-law.

May 21, 2026

Spent the day decorating the house for Christmas and my wife spent the day re-decorating the house for Christmas.

May 21, 2026

Christmas decor isn’t meant to be sleek and minimalist, it is supposed to look like joy threw up in your house.

May 21, 2026

We have decided to sell the house. How long do you think it will take for our landlord to find out?

May 21, 2026

I don’t always leave the house, but when I do, I shouldn’t.

May 21, 2026

A haunted house, but every room is just learning more about Will & Jada.

May 21, 2026

A house doesn’t have to be haunted to scare me, I’ve seen the listing prices.

May 21, 2026

There I was, quietly reliving my dream of having my own house, when suddenly I was attacked by insane prices.

May 21, 2026

My favorite part of leaving the house is looking forward to going home.

May 21, 2026

I’m so glad I cleaned the house so the kids have a clean canvas to drop their stuff everywhere.

May 21, 2026

Any house is an Airbnb if you’re quiet enough.

May 21, 2026

Every house is a dream house when you can’t afford one.

May 20, 2026

In my house the roles are reversed cause my kids tell me to turn my music down.

May 20, 2026

I always have a cheap bottle of wine in the house in case any family visit.

May 20, 2026

My house was clean yesterday. Sorry, you missed it.

May 20, 2026

I can’t wait for my mom to come to my new house so she can tell me how I organized the kitchen wrong.

May 20, 2026

Architects should try and design a house with no yelling.

May 20, 2026

Just once I’d like to buy a house plant that didn’t have the lifespan of a soap bubble.

May 20, 2026

I’m dying for some sweets and the only thing sweet in the house is me.

May 20, 2026

If one door opens when another door closes, your house is probably haunted.

May 20, 2026

Two mysterious people live in my house. “Somebody” and “Nobody.” Somebody did it and nobody knows who.

May 20, 2026

I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I’m gonna need everybody to stop living here.

May 20, 2026

Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.

May 20, 2026

It’s important to get out of the house every once in a while to get excited about going home.

May 20, 2026

Have you ever been so hungry but had no food in the house, so you took a nap instead?

May 20, 2026

I watched a woman clean her whole house on YouTube today, in case you thought I lacked ambition.

May 20, 2026

One of the benefits of being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas, no make-up, and look like crap and I won’t judge you.

May 20, 2026