248 funny house quotes - Page 4 - Wordgag

It’s important to get out of the house every once in a while to get excited about going home.

May 20, 2026

Have you ever been so hungry but had no food in the house, so you took a nap instead?

May 20, 2026

I watched a woman clean her whole house on YouTube today, in case you thought I lacked ambition.

May 20, 2026

One of the benefits of being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas, no make-up, and look like crap and I won’t judge you.

May 20, 2026

I don’t have mirrors in my house. I mean, who wants to see disappointment everyday?

May 20, 2026

I hate having a messy house. Not enough to actually clean it, but enough to give it a disgusted stare while I peacefully relax on the couch.

May 20, 2026

Any room can be a bathroom if you hate the person who’s house you’re in.

May 20, 2026

Do you scroll through Netflix to find a good show for your dog to watch when you leave the house or are you normal?

May 20, 2026

You know you’re getting old when you clean the house to the music you used to go out to.

May 20, 2026

When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

May 20, 2026

I want to be so rich that when I see a spider in my house I won’t kill it, I’d buy another house.

May 20, 2026

I just finished cleaning the house for Thanksgiving, so if you’re looking for my family they’ll be in the backyard until Thursday.

May 20, 2026

Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.

May 20, 2026

A haunted house, but it’s just you inside your own head.

May 20, 2026

Today, I want to talk about how people’s houses smell funny, but mine doesn’t.

May 20, 2026

If you give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. But if you teach a man to fish, you’ll get the house to yourself on Saturdays.

May 20, 2026

A haunted house, but it’s just all apps and websites where you got logged out but can’t remember your password.

May 20, 2026

All I want for Christmas this year is the housing market to crash, so I could buy a 5-bedroom, 4-bathroom house for $3.

May 19, 2026

Just cleaned my room in case Beyoncé was somewhere close to my house and her car broke down, and she needed somewhere to sleep.

May 19, 2026

Don’t come to my house unannounced. I will stare at you from my window.

May 19, 2026

In the 90s, you’d always find your way to some stranger’s house.

May 19, 2026

My family passed down mood swings and anxiety instead of money or houses.

May 19, 2026

I stay away from beef-flavored cat food. At no point could Sylvia realistically bring down a cow, and I don’t need that kind of ego in the house.

May 19, 2026

Being a woman is wild. I just cried, cleaned the house, had a snack, had a bath, and now I’m fine.

May 19, 2026

Moving houses/apartments gotta be top 3 worst human experiences.

May 19, 2026

Oh, to be a rich, beautiful woman in her big car, driving to buy overpriced groceries to stock up her breathtaking kitchen in her gorgeous house.

May 19, 2026

Homeless man just called me a “loser,” and I showed him my house keys.

May 19, 2026

“I’ve never done parkour, but I have chased a toddler with an open Sharpie through the house.”

May 19, 2026

I need a vacation, but the kind where everyone else leaves, and I have my house to myself for a few days.

May 19, 2026

“I’m pretty good with money unless I leave my house or have access to the internet.”

May 19, 2026

Imagine you’re living inside a tiny mushroom house… with a tiny chimney… deep in the woods… no one knows you exist… you make soup in a tiny pot… you are free.

May 19, 2026

Leaving your house and returning back safely is such an underrated blessing.

May 19, 2026

The younger generation will never know the fear and anxiety of calling your friend’s house, and their parents answer the phone.

May 18, 2026

Marriage is scary, what if he doesn’t want our house to look like my Pinterest board.

May 18, 2026

Don’t be coming into my house and causing big spikes of cortisol.

May 18, 2026

Every time I leave the house, I’m reminded why sweatpants exist.

May 18, 2026

There are TV shows that only exist on the screens of girls’ houses you go to one time and never again.

Apr 1, 2026

Over Christmas, some bastard has snuck into my house, gone into my wardrobe, stolen my work trousers, and replaced them with a smaller pair.

Apr 1, 2026

You ever cleaned a room in your house so good that you walked out… just to walk back in to see your work?

Apr 1, 2026

Years of personal growth can be unraveled in 2 days at your parents’ house.

Apr 1, 2026