248 funny house quotes - Page 4 - Wordgag

At this point, I’m not sure if my house is a mess or my mess is a house.

May 24, 2026

I treat people the way I want to be treated by not leaving the house.

May 24, 2026

You could be having a nice day and then somebody your own age says they bought a house.

May 24, 2026

Don’t flirt with me. I’ll show up at your house and start eating all your snacks.

May 24, 2026

Edging my house plants by putting them next to the window when it rains.

May 24, 2026

I’m at the age where a house arrest no longer sounds like the worst thing.

May 24, 2026

“This isn’t going to end well for you.” Me, alone in the house, to the cake on the counter.

May 23, 2026

A service where you bring a working printer to my house, I print the one thing I need, and you leave again until next year.

May 23, 2026

If you ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly. Because communication is key.

May 23, 2026

Parents may forget many things, but they never forget who brought the noisy toys into the house.

May 23, 2026

A haunted house, but it’s just a room full of people asking you to tell them a fun fact about yourself.

May 23, 2026

Gonna break into your house, toast all your bread and put it back in the bag.

May 23, 2026

The web is a great place to befriend people who you’d never let in your house.

May 23, 2026

They should let you spend one night in a house before you buy/rent it, just to make sure it’s haunted.

May 23, 2026

My life changed when I learned some house spiders can’t survive outside, so now I just catch them and release them in a friend’s home.

May 23, 2026

Walking into someone’s house with healthy, thriving houseplants everywhere: “Oh, I see you dabble in witchcraft!”

May 23, 2026

The echo in my house when it’s clean is unsettling. Better order more stuff.

May 23, 2026

Adult friendships are difficult. The people I get on best with never want to leave the house either.

May 23, 2026

The house from Hansel and Gretel but made out of tacos.

May 23, 2026

The worst part about re-watching Home Alone is you just know Kevin’s parents bought this house for like $250K.

May 23, 2026

The absolute injustice of being asked to come and take away the boxes of junk that you’ve been storing at your parents’ house for 20 years.

May 23, 2026

When I’m president, everyone who listens to techno, house or rap will be allowed to drive a little faster than others.

May 23, 2026

My kids had to work extra hard this morning but they were able to get the clean house back to it’s normal messy state just in time for the guests to arrive.

May 23, 2026

Don’t be fooled by what your kids will eat at someone else’s house.

May 23, 2026

Ancestors survived five mass extinctions on earth for me to be killed by a house cat I was trying to put a Christmas sweater on.

May 23, 2026

Bought a house plant so I wouldn’t be the only one dying of dehydration around here.

May 23, 2026

This gingerbread house isn’t even close to fire safety codes.

May 23, 2026

My husband accidentally locked himself out of the house, and I didn’t hear him knocking until I finished eating the rest of his cheesecake. So weird.

May 23, 2026

If they can make a nuclear reactor small enough to power a submarine, why can’t they make one for my house?

May 23, 2026

It’s always “you’re so cute when you’re mad,” until the house is on fire.

May 23, 2026

Watched a movie on Netflix last night that was so bad, I walked out of my own house.

May 23, 2026

You’d think the thing in my house with the most cat hair on it would be my cat.

May 23, 2026

Decorated the house across the street so I can look out the window and enjoy my handiwork.

May 23, 2026

The state of my house can best be described as “there seems to have been a struggle”.

May 23, 2026

Welcome to your parents’ house, where the wifi password is fEtbqP2LVp3U6Hkh

May 22, 2026

When you decorate your whole house for Christmas, what you’re really saying is “I’m not going to dust for at least a month.”

May 22, 2026

The woman that cleaned my house could make a lot of money by threatening to release the before and after photos.

May 22, 2026

I drive home so quick after work like I’m late for the house.

May 22, 2026

I’m implementing a new policy in my house: any child who is awake past bedtime can either go to sleep or clean the house, no exceptions.

May 22, 2026

I have never in my life learned from another person’s mistakes, I would literally let a giant wooden horse into my house right this second.

May 22, 2026