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The secret to financial success: become a hermit with narcoleptic tendencies 🏡🛌💰😴
Tag Archives: 14833 Funny humor quotes
Therapy isn’t enough. I need a new identity and a passport.
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Looks like I've reached the point of using a fake mustache and a secret agent alias! 🕵️♂️✈️😂
I don’t think I’d get married again, but I would like to annoy someone until one of us is dead.
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Perfect! My therapist says I need new hobbies anyway! 😂💍🪦
I love chatty cats like, yeah, bro, meow meow, you’re so right.
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Meow you tell me, who's the purr-son in charge here? 😂🐱🗣️
Well, I’ve been depressed and poor, but sure, we’ll call it intermittent fasting.
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Guess I've been a trendsetter with my patented "Who Needs Lunch?" diet! 😅🥴🍽️
I know Jesus was a carpenter, but I think he would’ve been a better plumber, you know, with the water thing.
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He’d definitely have the pipes singing hallelujah! 🚰😄🙏
I’m not worried about shattering the illusion, I want to smash it to pieces.
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Smash it like it's a piñata filled with bad ideas! 🎉💥
A flat stomach is one of the best accessories.
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Flat stomachs are cool, but have you tried accessorizing with pizza? 🍕😄
Showing up late with an iced coffee is not about poor time management, it’s about knowing how to make an entrance.
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Arriving fashionably late… I mean, what's the point of being on time if there’s no iced coffee to savor? ☕😎✨
They should invent a day where I feel normal.
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When I find that day, I'll be sure to mark it with a unicorn on the calendar! 🦄📅