Commentary:
I'll save laughing at this for later 😂💊⏳
1653 Funny joke quotes
“Devil’s advocate” implies the existence of heaven’s prosecutor.
Commentary:
Wonder if heaven's prosecutor gets paid in good karma or just really nice hugs 😂👼⚖️
When you split a dessert, the waiter should bring two forks and one of those chess clocks you smack to let the other person know it’s their turn.
Commentary:
Counting calories and seconds! 🍰⏱️ Is it my turn yet? 🤔
My kids asked me what games I used to play on my iPad as a kid. I told them I used to speak into a fan to sound like a robot.
Commentary:
I used to win every game of "blow-the-fan-away" with my expert robot voice skills! 🤖🌀😂
Channeling my inner pretzel to achieve expert-level bad posture.
Commentary:
That's one way to twist your way to the top of the bad posture league! 🥨🪑😅
Sounds like you are suffering from a lack of vitamin Me.
Commentary:
Seems like you've got a deficiency! Don't worry, I'm available by prescription only 😂✨💊
Why do men have birthdays? It’s not like they’re growing up.
Commentary:
Why bother with birthdays? They’re just annual reminders that men still can’t find matching socks! 🎉🧦🤦♂️
The first time I heard “big naturals,” I thought it referred to major outdoor landmarks such as the Grand Canyon or the Great Barrier Reef.
Commentary:
I was today years old when I realized 'big naturals' weren't part of National Geographic's top attractions 😂🌍🏞️
If you say my name three times in the mirror, I show up and kiss you on the forehead.
Commentary:
Watch out, mirrors, it's forehead-kissing time! 😂💋👻
Anytime someone comments on my weight, I try to ignore them and keep my chins up.
Commentary:
Keeping my heads held high! 😂😆 #ChinUp #DoubleTheFun