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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

When I’m done eating… I have to show my hands to my cat, like I’m a blackjack dealer.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

When I was a kid there were two sure ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

Shoutout to everyone who works hard to support their dog’s extravagant lifestyle.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

On the one hand, I’d love to look sexy in a bikini. On the other hand, there’s cake.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

Asking the pharmacy if they have a secret menu.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

Mom asked me what I was drinking the first time I got drunk and I said “breast milk” and now she’s not talking to me.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

I had zero respect for my boss until he started appearing exclusively by hologram.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

Don’t forget to overestimate your importance today.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

If I had today’s mind, I wouldn’t have made yesterday’s mistake. But if I hadn’t made yesterday’s mistake, I wouldn’t have today’s mind.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

801 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,963

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,963

1 minute ago

3,422

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Being on Twitter right now is like playing the violin on the Titanic, except we are also making fun of the iceberg and the iceberg is getting genuinely mad.

Reported on Reddit:

If you want to impress me with your car, it should be an ice cream van.

Trending via LinkedIn:

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Can someone please help me, I’m still at the Fyre Festival.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Yoga is just slow motion breakdancing.

Just landed via Slack:

I can’t wait to hit my 80s & run for Congress.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Even if there’s a murderer behind me, finish chewing before you tell me.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Why the hell is my laundry bin always full? I’m not even going anywhere.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Moment of silence for those who received mugs that aren’t microwave- and dishwasher-safe.

Just landed via Facebook:

There’s a special place in hell for people like you (next to me).

Home » Funny Mental Quotes » Page 16

155 Funny mental quotes

More funny mental quotes 👇

6 months ago
Share →: Self-esteem’s so bad my fantasies are hurting my feelings.

Commentary:
"In a twisted plot twist, self-esteem took a vacation and left a full-blown melodrama in its wake 🎭💔. Now even daydreams are armed with weapons of mass 'feelings' destruction! 🚫🧠 #FantasiesGoneRogue"
6 months ago
Share →: My stress stresses me out to the point where I’m too stressed to deal with my stress.

Commentary:
"Ah, the vicious cycle of stress! It's like stressing about stressing – stress-ception! 🌀 Just when you think you've got it under control, stress pops up to say 'Surprise!' 🤯 Don't stress about stressing about stress…or do you? 🤔 Let's find some stress relief for your stressed-out stress! 💆‍♂️"
6 months ago
Share →: Due to intense brain fog all of my thoughts have been grounded until further notice.

Commentary:
Looks like the brain's flights of fancy have been delayed indefinitely due to heavy fog ☁️✈️ Don't worry, the cognitive runway will clear up soon for some smooth takeoffs and landing! 🧠✨ #BrainFog #DelayedThoughts
6 months ago
Share →: Asked my therapist who their therapist was and went to see them. Asked them the same thing until I got to the final boss therapist and defeated them with my trainwreck of a life.

Commentary:
"Taking therapy to a whole new level: from patient to therapist hunter! 🦸‍♂️💥 Final boss defeat achieved – My life may be a trainwreck, but at least I'm the conductor! 🚂😂"
6 months ago
Share →: I just finally discovered what’s wrong with my brain: on the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left.

Commentary:
"Looks like this brain is playing a tricky game of hide and seek with itself! 🧠🔄 Maybe it just needs a good ol' brain workout to get things in order. Who needs directions when you can just go in circles, right? 🤪 #BrainTeasers"

For even more funny mental quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

801 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,963

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,963

1 minute ago

3,437

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

Googling symptoms until you cry.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

Boobs always win. That’s why we don’t play rock, paper, boobs.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

I briefly stepped away from social media to get an idea of what else is going on in the world. For instance, I didn’t realize I was still married.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

“This too shall pass!” Okay, but like, when exactly?

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

The only running I do is to chase the ice cream truck.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

I am not leaving this house until my hoodie strings are even.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

Pinky promises are still a legit foundation of trust.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

If this meeting were any slower, it’d be a landscape painting.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

I don’t always listen to Metallica, but when I do, so do my neighbors.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

I don’t think fish should be allowed to eat other fish. I don’t know. Just seems weird. That’s like your coworker, dude.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Before social media, you could just completely forget that somebody existed. Good times.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

I told my wife to embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.

Making waves on Telegram:

I like my women like I like my glasses: thick, transparent, and uneven.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

When you report something to IT and then hear: “Oh! Interesting. We’ve never seen that before.” Is that good or bad?

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Basketball’s all like “gimme that pumpkin, I need it” and golf is all like “***k this egg, imma hit it into the sun”

Freshly posted on Threads:

I am so out of shape right now, that if someone yelled “run for your life!” I’d be like “ya’ll go ahead, I’m meetin’ Jesus today!”

Trending via Facebook:

Bone broth? Oh, you mean skeleton soup.

Going viral on Facebook:

Every day, I go to work and draw a little tick on everyone who didn’t say goodbye to me the day before.

Just landed via Threads:

I think I may need professional help. A chef, a butler and a maid should do it!

Making waves on Instagram:

I’m just so lazy because I’m still recovering from the fact that I used to be the fastest sperm.

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