Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

There’s something so spiritual about new life. When I look my baby nephew in the eyes, I can’t stop thinking about how amazing it will be to connect with him on LinkedIn.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

When I become president, any public holiday that falls on a Thursday automatically extends to Friday.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

Thank you for your password, now we are going to text you another password, then put that one in. Click ‘remember this computer’ so we can forget it.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

I live in constant fear that some douchebag is going to show up to a bonfire with a guitar.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

If she forgives you, then 30 minutes later comes back mad again: that means she told her friends in her group chat, and the board of directors did not agree.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

White guys have a slur for other white guys they don’t respect, it’s called ‘buddy.’

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

What can I buy my wife for Valentine’s Day that finally proves to her once and for all that I have absolutely no idea what she likes or who she is?

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

I took my kids to the zoo when they were small, I wonder how they are getting on now.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

I accidentally said “large” instead of “venti” at Starbucks and now the cops are here.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

My first instinct when I see an animal is to say “hello.” My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact and hope it goes away.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,729

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on X:

Only money has the right to say “you’ll regret losing me”. The rest of you calm down.

Making waves on Twitch:

There’s no-one who can get more drunk on power than the admin of a village Facebook group.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I’m going to get some steel wool so I can crochet myself a new car.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

A house doesn’t have to be haunted to scare me, I’ve seen the listing prices.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

If you’re going through hell, keep going.

Freshly posted on X:

I will charge a 25% tariff on my steely gaze.

Spotted on Messenger:

A true friend is someone who thinks you’re a good egg, even though they know you’re slightly cracked.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Jesus invited prostitutes to dinner and was praised for compassion. I do it, and suddenly I ‘made Christmas awkward.’

Going viral on LinkedIn:

‘Another bombshell has entered the villa!’ I say to myself as I walk in the front door of my own home.

Just shared via X:

I’m a fully functional adult with the energy levels of a hibernating bear.

625 Funny procrastination quotes

More funny procrastination quotes 👇

“Quit” is not in my vocabulary but “resign”, “drop out”, and “give up” are.

2 weeks ago

drop, drop out, give, give up, humor, motivation, procrastination, quit, resign, vocabulary
I saw a spider crawl under my kid’s bed and was too tired to go after it, but that’s okay, no living creature can survive that environment.

2 weeks ago

after, bed, creature, environment, humor, i, kid, kids, living, living creature, okay, parenting, procrastination, saw, spider, survive, tired, too, under
I either text back right away or never, because I saw your text, replied in my head but forgot to actually type it.

2 weeks ago

actually, away, back, communication, forget, forgot, head, humor, i, misunderstanding, never, procrastination, reply, right, saw, social, technology, text, texting, type
Just accidentally closed a tab I’ve had been meaning to read for the past 2 years.

2 weeks ago

2, accidentally, closed, frustration, humor, internet, just, meaning, past, procrastination, read, tab, time
Sometimes you choose the GIF-war over your responsibilities.

2 weeks ago

activity, choice, choose, distraction, fun, fun activity, GIF-war, humor, over, procrastination, responsibility, sometimes
Don’t you hate it when you lose things? Like the motivation to do anything.

2 weeks ago

anything, doing, hate, humor, lose, losing, motivation, procrastination, things
I handed in my exam blank so that the teacher has more time to celebrate Christmas with her family.

2 weeks ago

blank, celebrate, celebration, Christmas, exam, family, handed, humor, i, procrastination, teacher, time
Sorry, I can’t today, I have to rot in bed and squander my potential.

2 weeks ago

bed, excuse, humor, i, lazy, potential, procrastination, rot, self-care, sorry, squander, today
9am: anything is possible. 2pm: maybe tomorrow.

2 weeks ago

afternoon, anything, humor, maybe, morning, motivation, optimism, possibility, procrastination, reality, time, tomorrow
Thursday is really unnecessary. Today could’ve been Friday.

2 weeks ago

day, Friday, humor, procrastination, Thursday, time, today, unnecessary, week

For even more funny procrastination quotes, hit next 👇

All funny procrastination quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

97 shares on X this month:

The man who invented the Ferris wheel never met the man who invented the merry-go-round. They traveled in different circles.

66 shares on Messenger this month:

Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’

96 shares on YouTube this month:

Don’t worry, bro. She’s probably just working on a puzzle right now. She’ll get back to you.

81 shares on X this month:

Apparently the term for migraine-sufferer is ‘migraneur.’ Nice getting recognition as a kind of artisan of suffering.

31 shares on TikTok this month:

Sorry I lied when I said “I can’t complain.”

98 shares on Threads this month:

Sorry I’m late. It’s just because of who I am as a person.

96 shares on Pinterest this month:

Don’t let anyone treat you like a red flag, you’re the whole damn red carpet, baby.

68 shares on Twitch this month:

I was actually doing so well until your email found me.

48 shares on Pinterest this month:

Pluck a single eyebrow hair in 1994, and it never grows back. Pluck a single chin hair today, and it’s back with five friends by 6 p.m.

71 shares on WhatsApp this month:

There’s no sadder tableau in all of humanity than the smoker’s terrarium at the airport.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

Today, I want to talk about underperforming continents. Antarctica, explain yourself.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

I was just viciously body shamed by my mirror.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

And for my next trick, I’m going to make this first date the last date.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

Camping: When you spend a small fortune to live like somebody poor.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

“Thug life,” I whisper to myself as I check out my sunglasses in the mirror.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

My employer is totally caring. They pay so poorly that I can’t afford to have an alcohol or drug problem.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

For my birthday, I want everyone to delete whatever old version of me they have in their head— it expired.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

Babies first steal your glasses and then bite your nose. I don’t know where they get their reputation.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

If I were a category, I’d be “miscellaneous.”

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

What we need is an evil Santa who steals our children’s most annoying toys.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

I can’t wait to buy Chanel bags on a random Tuesday for me and my friends.

Just shared via WeChat:

We literally used to write an essay by hand.

Trending via Instagram:

Don’t be ashamed of who you are, that is your parent’s job.

Breaking via Slack:

Don’t worry password, I’m insecure too.

Breaking via Threads:

I hate that I’m so indecisive. Actually, I don’t know if hate is the right word.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Telling my boss I can’t come back to work because I’ve discovered the joy of doing nothing.

Going viral on TikTok:

This year felt like being awake during surgery.

Trending via Telegram:

Sports are better when you have hate in your heart.

Making waves on Messenger:

Not to brag, but my children already knew everything I told them today.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Shopping at the dollar store makes me feel rich and poor all at the same time.

Activity Log ✨

625 Funny procrastination quotes

More funny procrastination quotes 👇

All funny procrastination quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨