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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

Got electrocuted while fixing the doorbell, and now I can hear my girlfriend’s thoughts. She’s thinking she should have called an electrician.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

Spider-Man, but set in rural England so he just has to walk everywhere.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

Okay, seen enough, someone put a blanket over my cage.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

Aliens probably lock their doors when they fly past Earth.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

Just saw a bird run across the street if you were wondering if anyone else is wasting their gifts.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

The fact it costs $15 to get a basic meal at a fast-food restaurant now is comical.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

I am “We read the newspaper front to back every single day,” years old.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

Imagine falling in love with me then finding out I’m a slow walker.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

Bruschetta is 80% delicious and 20% mess.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

I deserve a dragon after all I’ve been through.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,405

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Facebook:

It’s so rude how many of you have the audacity to be out peopling around whenever I go somewhere.

Making waves on YouTube:

I’m done with dating sites and am now only focusing on food delivery people. They have a job, a car, and most importantly food.

Going viral on Threads:

Pretty girls don’t compete. We sit pretty, count blessings, and ignore weird energy.

Going viral on WeChat:

My theory is that women’s voices contain frequencies that men simply can’t hear.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I don’t like violence, but I don’t mind if I get hit by luck.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

I would be more patient if it didn’t take so long.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I’m trying to shower you with affection. It doesn’t matter how I got into your bathroom.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Coke Zero sounds like a government pledge to eliminate fizzy drinks by 2030.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Them: You post a lot. What am I supposed to do here – fold laundry on the timeline?

Just shared via X:

Lovingly looking at my dog knowing I’m about to ruin her day with a bath.

97 Funny store quotes

More funny store quotes 👇

We really do need a separate grocery store for people who’ve been on Earth before.

3 weeks ago

alien, before, Earth, grocery, grocery store, humor, joke, need, newcomer, people, shopping, store
At my next therapy session, I will be discussing the trauma I’ve been dealing with ever since the grocery store layout was altered.

3 weeks ago

change, dealing, discussing, ever, frustration, grocery, grocery store, health, humor, i, layout, mental, mental health, next, session, shopping, store, therapy, trauma
Dating after 40 is like trying to find the least damaged item at the thrift store that doesn’t smell.

3 weeks ago

40, adult, adult dating, after, chance, comparison, damaged, dating, funny comparison, humor, item, least, over, over 40, relationship, second, second chance, smell, store, thrift, thrift store, trying
Dollar Tree needs to just go ahead and rename it to A Couple Dollars.

3 weeks ago

ahead, bargain, couple, discount, dollar, Dollar Tree, dollars, humor, joke, just, money, name, needs, price, retail, shopping, store, store name, tree
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your dog can stay home for the hour you’re at the grocery store or restaurant.

3 weeks ago

advice, care, dog, funny advice, grocery, grocery store, hear, home, hour, humor, i, know, needs, pet, pet care, restaurant, stay, store
In the baking aisle, booing everyone buying imitation vanilla extract.

3 weeks ago

aisle, baking, baking aisle, baking ingredient, booing, buying, everyone, extract, grocery, grocery store, humor, imitation, imitation vanilla, ingredient, shopping, store, vanilla, vanilla extract
At the grocery store, progressively booing louder as the clerk scans each item.

3 weeks ago

booing, clerk, grocery, grocery store, humor, item, louder, shopping, store

For even more funny store quotes, hit next 👇

All funny store quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

27 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I need someone to peer pressure me into doing things.

11 shares on Twitch this month:

I speak my mind, cause it hurts when I bite my tongue.

16 shares on Twitch this month:

Tequila won’t fix your life, but it’s worth a shot.

49 shares on WeChat this month:

My card got declined at the barbershop so they put all the hair in my mouth and squeezed me until it came out of my head.

91 shares on Reddit this month:

A McRib killed my tapeworm.

29 shares on Slack this month:

Can everyone please turn their A/C off during the day, we need that power to generate images of people with eight fingers.

18 shares on Telegram this month:

A lot of men actually do forgive cheating, as long as their homies don’t know.

20 shares on Reddit this month:

Boyfriends come and go… reply guys stay forever. Against your will, even.

53 shares on Instagram this month:

The enemy of my enemy is my friend. But I’m my own worst enemy, so I guess I’m also my best friend.

88 shares on Threads this month:

When I die, throw me on Mount Everest so it looks like I was trying to do something.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

Any day now, there will be a child born and named Labubu.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

Doggy style means I get a treat afterwards, right?

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

A credit card is kind of like a gift card to every store.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

If you ever find yourself mad at me, put a cape on so you can be super mad.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

Maybe there’s an alternate universe where onions cry when they chop up humans, you don’t know.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

A delivery driver just asked for my date of birth. I said, “94.” He replied, “Is that 1994?” Oh, sorry mate, no. My bad, that was 1794. Right around the French Revolution.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

Spotify Wrapped? Next year, maybe you should try to be in the top .05% of listeners to your girlfriend.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

I actually check my emails every day in hopes I’m going to get some life-changing news someday.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

My love language is deader than Latin.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Telegram:

I would really like to meet this “other candidate” who keeps taking all the jobs I’ve been applying to.

Just shared via Discord:

Reverse cowgirl so I can post selfies.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I’ve heard that some people have kids who sleep through the night and I’d like to know if they use tranquilizers or chloroform.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Saying “Who is it?” when the doctor knocks on the exam room door.

Live now on LinkedIn:

It’s completely absurd that Silicon Valley is pushing AI on us before they figured out how to keep fries fresh for longer.

Going viral on TikTok:

That masculine urge to completely avoid relationships until you get your life together.

Just landed via YouTube:

I hope this email finds you at relative peace with the paradox of existence.

Just landed via TikTok:

In the autumn there are two types of creatures who collect acorns: squirrels and toddlers.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Taylor Swift should write a song about when your sleeves keep rolling down every time you wash the dishes.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I don’t think astronauts should be allowed to come back. You made your choice.

Activity Log ✨

97 Funny store quotes

More funny store quotes 👇

All funny store quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨