Commentary:
When your pronunciation is as confused as your choice of fork 🍴😅
556 Funny want quotes
How can I be expected to get out of bed when I don’t want to?
Commentary:
Me trying to get out of bed is like a sloth attempting a sprint 🛌🏃♂️💤
People who say “teamwork makes the dream work” are the reason that some people want to punch other people in the face.
Commentary:
Teamwork may make the dream work, but it also makes my eye twitch! 😂🤝🥊
I want to be cremated so that I will get a smoking-hot body again.
Commentary:
No body heat issues when you're forever hot stuff! 🔥💀😎
When I’m dying, please rush me to the nearest haunted house. I don’t want to haunt a shitty apartment by myself.
Commentary:
Heading to the haunted house for my final destination. Rent-free living with ghostly roommates? Count me in! 👻🏚️😂
Feelings are like children. You don’t want them driving the car, but you shouldn’t stuff them in the trunk either.
Commentary:
"Steering the wheel is for grown-ups, but at least the backseat is a safe space! 😂🚗🧸"
When you really want to slap someone, do it and say, “Mosquito!
Commentary:
"Why did the mosquito slap me and call it 'human karma'? 🤔🦟😂"
I’d post more pics, but I don’t want y’all falling in love all at once.
Commentary:
"Careful, folks! This feed is officially a no-fall zone! 😂📸💕"
They hooked up tubes and sensors, but the doctor still can’t figure out why my kisses are so sweet. They want to hold me overnight and “never let go.”
Commentary:
"Looks like I'm not just a sweet talker, I'm a medical marvel! 😘🥼💉 #TooSweetToHandle"
I want a chiropractor to crack my entire body like a glow stick.
Commentary:
"BRB, booking my chiropractor appointment. 💡🦴 Ready to glow with the flow! 😂✨"