Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

I think my leftovers are old enough to throw themselves away.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

I don’t “make friends”. I get adopted by extroverts and they make me do things.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

Introducing WifeChat™, the app where you talk to your wife.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

I’ve just learned terrible news. My department at work is planning a team-building retreat. Thank you for your thoughts during this difficult time.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

I love replying to people within seconds. Hello. I am here. Always.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

Obituaries should have clickbait titles.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

I want this laziness removed from my body.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

I wonder if that football guy will be at the Taylor Swift game again today.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

Jesus died for your sins. If you don’t sin then he died for nothing!

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

Anyone else’s phone make a retching noise when you unlock it with Face ID?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,693

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Discord:

I hate it when my body decides to get sick. I gave you a vegetable last week, how dare you.

Spotted on Threads:

The fact it costs $15 to get a basic meal at a fast-food restaurant now is comical.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Your honor, my client wasn’t trying to stab the victim. He was checking to see if he was cake.

Just shared via Slack:

I was so locked in, to the point where we were tongue-kissing with morning breath.

Spotted on Facebook:

I can’t date until the curse is lifted.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

According to my chocolate advent calendar, there are only 4 days until Christmas.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Valentine’s Day is a stupid and made up holiday unless someone wants to give me a present in which case I really believe in celebrating it.

Spotted on Twitch:

Only here for the honeymoon phase, don’t show me your true colors.

Going viral on Messenger:

I’m gonna start cursing people out but with biblical phrases like I hope your crops wither and bear no fruit and the ravens eat your mustard seeds.

Going viral on Facebook:

My bed is from Ikea, so it’s more unstable than i am.

Getting mad at your hair is a whole different kind of angry.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When your hair decides it's having a rebellious day, and you realize it's won the argument yet again! 💇‍♀️😤🤦‍♀️"

anger, angry, attitude, different, emotion, frustration, getting, hair, humor, kind, mad, mood, whole

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Daily reminder that you’re biologically programmed to get laid, eat good food, connect with other humans, and enjoy yourself. Everything else is literally made up.

0

2 months ago

advice, biologically, biology, connect, connection, daily, eat, else, enjoy, enjoyment, everything, food, fun, good, human, human connection, humans, humor, laid, life, life advice, literally, motivation, reminder, yourself
Don’t talk to me unless you are a ham sandwich.

0

2 months ago

conversation, food, ham, ham sandwich, humor, me, preference, sandwich, talk
Y’all scared to be single, I’m scared to be in another pointless relationship.

0

2 months ago

another, dating, fear, heartbreak, humor, love, pointless, relationship, sarcasm, scared, single
Stop bothering me, or I will inform you of a behavioral pattern that is noticeable to other people, but I can tell you are not yet aware of.

0

3 months ago

annoyance, awareness, behavior, bothering, humor, i, inform, interaction, me, observation, pattern, people, personality, social, social interaction, stop, tell, warning
My kidnappers sent me back early with a full apology, some money, and several of their fingers.

0

2 months ago

apology, back, early, fingers, full, me, money
If I wore a mood ring, it would probably explode immediately.

0

5 months ago

emotional, explode, explosion, humor, i, joke, mood, mood ring, personality, ring

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

97 shares on Slack this month:

Every time I blink, it’s Monday again. I can’t live like this.

90 shares on WeChat this month:

I love Pinterest. No opinions. No bad vibes. Just pretty pictures.

48 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m not even a 2nd choice, I’m like an 8th choice, sometimes a 10th.

62 shares on Slack this month:

When they know you know they did you dirty, they stay gone. And that’s the best thing.

93 shares on Facebook this month:

I hate Valentine’s Day but I do enjoy infant archery.

81 shares on TikTok this month:

Breaking a heart is considered bad, but melting a heart is somehow good.

98 shares on X this month:

The only way to my heart is with a knife.

57 shares on Telegram this month:

Corporate life requires an ass-licking skill set I simply wasn’t born with.

83 shares on Telegram this month:

This time last night, there was a spider so big in my bathroom it put me under a glass on a postcard and carried me out.

42 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Customers will say shit like, “Uhh, it’s asking me to remove my card?”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

Don’t worry, I’m only dead inside from the waist up.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

My kids and I have this bit where I say something and they ignore me.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

Can I come over and look at your Hot Wheels collection?

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

Social anxiety so bad I wonder if I’m welcome at places I was invited to.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

Whenever I see an athlete eating quark, I get sad, because the quark could have been turned into cheesecake.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

Not texting back is only ok when I do it.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

Every millennial is now paying Apple $9.99/month for 2TB just to not delete their life.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

My hair will never allow me to commit any crime; I leave my DNA everywhere.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

My body can’t handle the stress of loving anyone romantically, ever.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

Dating apps aren’t working, time to walk into a cafe looking confused.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on TikTok:

The only function of a middle name is so a child can assess how much danger they’re in.

Just shared via Instagram:

I love how women can go from obsessed to not interested at all when a man makes that one wrong move.

Freshly posted on X:

Growing up, I didn’t think the expensive addiction that would ruin me would be Heinz ketchup, but here we are.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

My husband sure has a lot of opinions on which movie he’s gonna sleep through.

Going viral on Threads:

My dogs have learned that whenever they hear the f-word in the kitchen, there’s now food on the floor.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

I was meant to be rich, I can tell by the way I spend money.

Shared recently on Instagram:

How do you react when you see someone you respect on an e-scooter?

Shared recently on Twitch:

Hey, people, my age. Remember going into the computer lab at school?

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Awkward is the new sexy. At least that’s what I’m telling myself, so I don’t cry in front of strangers.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Eat whatever you want. If someone calls you fat, eat them too.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Getting mad at your hair is a whole different kind of angry.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Daily reminder that you’re biologically programmed to get laid, eat good food, connect with other humans, and enjoy yourself. Everything else is literally made up.

Don’t talk to me unless you are a ham sandwich.

Y’all scared to be single, I’m scared to be in another pointless relationship.

Stop bothering me, or I will inform you of a behavioral pattern that is noticeable to other people, but I can tell you are not yet aware of.

My kidnappers sent me back early with a full apology, some money, and several of their fingers.

If I wore a mood ring, it would probably explode immediately.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨