Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

A massage is not enough, I need to be rolled through a pasta machine.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

Starting your most incoherent sentence with “put simply” to deflect blame onto the reader.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

I’ve been locked out of Tinder because of “unusual activity”. I must’ve got a match.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

You don’t need to be a good listener as long as you’re a good nodder.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun not to be able to open that drawer.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

I love how all the Black Friday deals this year are just the price of the item before the tariffs.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

In all the movies, Santa never goes to the house directly next door. He always gets in his sleigh and flies off like 20 miles east.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

I don’t understand people who say “I don’t know how to thank you.” Like they never heard of money.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

Self-discipline is tough because I’m the boss of me, and that guy runs a real loose ship.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

“Are you sexually active?” Dude, I’m not even socially active.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

356 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,625

Funny Quotes Topics

17,675

Funny Quotes Images

15,625

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,582

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Good news: I set an all time high today! Bad news: It’s my cholesterol.

Trending via Messenger:

Why trust atoms? Because they’ve never been caught fibbing, just fission.

Breaking via Facebook:

Turns out that ending meetings with “have the day you deserve” has made me some enemies at work.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

My default setting is sexual energy.

Going viral on Threads:

Asian parents give you unmoanable names so you can focus on your studies.

Trending via Twitch:

Parents become grandparents and lose all their senses. All of a sudden, they got McDonald’s money now.

Spotted on YouTube:

A weighted blanket isn’t enough today, I need to be compressed into a zip-file.

Shared recently on Slack:

Waiting in the grocery store parking lot for the rotisserie chickens to be ready. The thrill of the hunt.

Just landed via TikTok:

My lotion bottle says to use it on areas of irritation, so I slathered it all over my coworker, Deborah.

Spotted on Telegram:

Germany is now advising people to stock up on cheese and sausages. This is called the Wurst Käse scenario.

Girls who leave clothing reviews with their height, weight, and size ordered are going to heaven.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Angels taking notes on my perfect fit ✨📏👼 #FashionGuides

clothing, clothing review, fashion, girl, girls, going, heaven, height, humor, leave, online, online shopping, review, reviews, shopping, size, weight

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Some people shop for designer heels. I shop for nonstop flight deals.

4 months ago

bargain, bargain hunting, comparison, deal, deals, designer, designer heel, flight, flight deal, heel, heels, humor, hunting, i, nonstop, people, shop, shopping, travel
Sorry boys, but I’ve already got my eyes on a guy who’s not interested.

3 months ago

boys, date, eyes, guy, humor, interest, rejection, relationship, sorry
Can’t stop thinking about that time at the planetarium where they showed us a picture of earth and everyone booed.

2 months ago

activity, boo, Earth, everyone, funny moment, group, group activity, humor, memory, moment, picture, planetarium, stop, thinking, time, us, where
Living up to your potential sounds exhausting.

2 months ago

exhausting, expectations, humor, living, motivation, potential, reality, self-improvement, sounds
I am listening to Pharrell Williams’ smash hit song “Happy,” and understanding for the first time that it was truly intended to distress.

6 months ago

am, distress, happy, hit, humor, i, intended, irony, listening, music, pharrell, Pharrell Williams, smash, song, time, truly, understanding, williams
A two-step guide to warning someone not to hit their head: 1. Wait until they’ve hit their head. 2. Say “Ooh, mind your head!”

2 months ago

2, advice, clumsiness, guide, head, hit, humor, joke, mind, reaction, say, someone, wait, warning

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

43 shares on Pinterest this month:

Returning to Twitter is like coming back to a dysfunctional family.

99 shares on TikTok this month:

The only squat I’m even considering doing today is diddly.

58 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Liking someone romantically is actually just a humiliation ritual.

74 shares on Facebook this month:

Your DM doesn’t match the Bible quote in your bio. Uh-oh.

62 shares on Pinterest this month:

Normalize talking to people in the gym who have earbuds in, they love that.

23 shares on WhatsApp this month:

With a cat on your lap, you deal better with the crap.

19 shares on Messenger this month:

The paintings I always like the most in museums are the ones that have a bench.

63 shares on Snapchat this month:

My life would be pointless without cheese. Or as the famous song goes: “Ain’t no sunshine when cheese gone!”

97 shares on Reddit this month:

At my age, I see no good reason to act my age.

36 shares on Instagram this month:

Mothers be doing unnecessary housework and then get mad at you when they’re tired.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

Got an email from my bank saying “is your 401k enough to retire on” and it’s like you are my bank, you know it’s not.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

Moms will vacuum the ceiling, alphabetize the spice rack, reorganize your socks, then say, “No one helps me around here!”

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

Who needs therapy when you can just cry in a fast-food parking lot.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

“I asked Grok.” “I asked ChatGPT.” Well, I asked R2D2, and he said you’re a loser.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

No thank you, I only like men who have no interest in me.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

Hate when people ask “why is it called Silence of the Lambs?” Like, did you hear any lambs during the movie? Use your head!

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

Receipts are like: Take this tiny piece of paper home with you and throw it away.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

There will never be a perfect time. Make that mistake now.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

They should invent a rest for the wicked.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

The sexual tension between me and the person I’m not supposed to have any sexual tension with.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

Roadtripping with my family has taught me that my marriage can withstand anything except roadtripping with my family.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

“This isn’t going to end well for you.” Me, alone in the house, to the cake on the counter.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

When someone has “Do Not Disturb” on, it’s like, oh, okay, I didn’t realize the great philosopher was in their hour of seclusion. Pardon me for even daring to enter their precious mind palace.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Girls who leave clothing reviews with their height, weight, and size ordered are going to heaven.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Some people shop for designer heels. I shop for nonstop flight deals.

Sorry boys, but I’ve already got my eyes on a guy who’s not interested.

Can’t stop thinking about that time at the planetarium where they showed us a picture of earth and everyone booed.

Living up to your potential sounds exhausting.

I am listening to Pharrell Williams’ smash hit song “Happy,” and understanding for the first time that it was truly intended to distress.

A two-step guide to warning someone not to hit their head: 1. Wait until they’ve hit their head. 2. Say “Ooh, mind your head!”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨