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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

I really thought impromptu dance-offs were going to be more common.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

My ex thinks I’m with someone else, someone else thinks I’m with my ex, everyone wonders where I am. Here I am. Just enjoying my own life.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

Why are conclusions necessary in essays? Were you not following?

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

I told a joke during a Zoom meeting today. Nobody laughed. It turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

Goodbye, August, don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

Jehovah’s Witnesses tell the worst knock knock jokes.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

If oats can be milk, you can be whatever you want.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

Ohhh, I just realised you can change your facial expression. I was just doing the one.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

I deserve an Oscar for telling my dentist I don’t eat candy.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

Giant-sized bag of candy: I’m resealable. Me: That won’t be necessary.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,547

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I assume people who bookmark my posts are building a case against me.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I hate it when I’m outside, and an insect lands and crawls on my glasses, and for a split second, I think aliens have invaded.

Just shared via YouTube:

Aren’t you a little old to be a bully?

Just landed via YouTube:

I’m sorry for the things I said when there were too many noises at the same time.

Spotted on TikTok:

IKEA is the swedish word for “relationship meltdown in a public place.”

Going viral on Twitch:

The cynicism of those who urge me not to do what I can to help the Nigerian royal family.

Shared recently on Reddit:

My boyfriend always complains that I never smile, but he’s the one who wanted a serious relationship.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Sorry I can’t come today. My sister’s friend’s mother’s grandpa’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’s fish died, and it was tragic.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Washing your face and water going down your elbow is so sickening.

Spotted on WeChat:

Just burned 2,000 calories trying to avoid someone I know at Walmart.

Got electrocuted while fixing the doorbell, and now I can hear my girlfriend’s thoughts. She’s thinking she should have called an electrician.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Now I'm not just shocked by the doorbell but also by how much my girlfriend wanted a professional. 🔌😜🔊🤯

consequence, domestic, domestic life, doorbell, electrician, electrocution, fixing, got, hear, hearing, hearing thoughts, humor, i, life, mishap, relationship, should, thinking, thoughts, unexpected, unexpected consequence, while

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Friends with benefits, but it’s just that they make delicious baked goods.

0

2 months ago

baked, baked good, benefits, delicious, dessert, food, friends, friendship, good, goods, humor, just, relationship
Body: time to fall asleep. Brain: hey, that’s an interesting thought, here’s six billion more.

0

2 months ago

asleep, billion, body, brain, fall, humor, insomnia, interesting, night, overthinking, six, sleep, thought, thoughts, time
Sex is like my hair. I didn’t have any yesterday. I didn’t have any today. And unless something drastically changes, I won’t have any tomorrow.

0

2 months ago

change, hair, humor, i, joke, relationship, sex, today, tomorrow, yesterday
Listen, before I had my coffee I didn’t know how awesome I was going to be today either.

0

2 months ago

awesome, coffee, day, going, humor, i, know, listen, morning, morning routine, motivation, routine, self-awareness, today
People moaning and making noise over food makes me so livid I can’t keep it in.

0

5 months ago

anger, food, frustration, i, keep, livid, making, me, moan, moaning, noise, over, people
At the end of the day, the day is going to end.

0

2 months ago

daily, daily routine, day, end, end of day, going, humor, irony, routine, time

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

34 shares on Telegram this month:

Oh, you drink black coffee? Tell your ulcer I said good morning.

65 shares on Threads this month:

I probably think this song is about me.

89 shares on Twitch this month:

I be skipping everyone’s stories but watch mine like 20 times.

43 shares on Threads this month:

I need to stop living by the words “life is short.” It’s hurting my bank account.

44 shares on Reddit this month:

People are like lottery tickets, most of them are losers.

91 shares on Telegram this month:

Everyone has their talents. Mine is picking the checkout line filled with people who apparently have never gone through a checkout line before in their life.

22 shares on Pinterest this month:

If you want to complain about my driving at least calm down and get off my hood first.

95 shares on X this month:

Children are so giving. For example, my kids gave me a cold.

99 shares on Pinterest this month:

I got so lost there for a minute (several years).

72 shares on WeChat this month:

That was a nice hour long Twitter scroll. Feel much worse as always. See you guys tomorrow.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

My bed wasn’t feeling well this morning, so I had to stay home to take care of it.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

Manipulative people really be like “oh, so now I’m the bad guy for being the bad guy?”

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

I can’t believe bedtime used to be a punishment.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

Who called it girl math and not galgebra?

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

“The average CEO reads 52 books a year.” Yeah, because they’ve got nothing else to do.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

screenshotting people’s close friends and posting it directly to my own story.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

Schedule your bikini wax for the first thing in the morning, and you won’t need that cup of coffee.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

You can pronounce it “Nude Jersey” and no one will know.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

A real smartphone would know when to shut up.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

Men be like, “I’m sexually attracted to you as a friend.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Instagram:

Feeling lonely? Just glue a coffee cup to the roof of your car. Everyone will wave to you.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

I have no use for mean people. I’ll walk right past you like you’re furniture.

Spotted on X:

I really want to be nice, but annoying people just won’t let me.

Going bananas on Discord:

Just shared via WeChat:

It probably feels so good to ram your head into something as a cat.

Breaking via X:

If you wish me a happy Thanksgiving, don’t be surprised if I whip out a ziplock bag and ask you to bring me home some leftovers.

Broadcasted on X:

Welcome to your 40s: you’re not having a midlife crisis, you’re just awake.

Spotted on Facebook:

Not being able to teleport is continuing to be a huge inconvenience for me.

Just landed via Threads:

Vaginally speaking, he seems nice.

Trending via TikTok:

If you show her you care, she will keep you as a spare.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Got electrocuted while fixing the doorbell, and now I can hear my girlfriend’s thoughts. She’s thinking she should have called an electrician.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Friends with benefits, but it’s just that they make delicious baked goods.

Body: time to fall asleep. Brain: hey, that’s an interesting thought, here’s six billion more.

Sex is like my hair. I didn’t have any yesterday. I didn’t have any today. And unless something drastically changes, I won’t have any tomorrow.

Listen, before I had my coffee I didn’t know how awesome I was going to be today either.

People moaning and making noise over food makes me so livid I can’t keep it in.

At the end of the day, the day is going to end.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨