Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

I have lived way too many lives for people to think they know everything about me.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

If I win the lottery, I’m buying four politicians and some really nice shoes.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

“Likes your story” is a declaration of love.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

Flossed the day before a dentist appointment like I was cramming for a history test.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

Jesus, I need money to organize your birthday.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

The second cup of coffee does for me what a can of spinach does for Popeye.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

I keep my mind active by worrying.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

I’m not good at solving Pi, but I’m really good at eating it.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

Dropped my skinny boyfriend between the bed and the wall like a vape or a TV remote.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

Words I heard most when I ran errands with my dad: “Wait in the truck.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,444

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on TikTok:

Everyone thinks they won’t be that couple that goes from ‘everything you do is a turn-on’ to ‘you’re breathing too loud,’ but they will be, oh, they will be.

Just landed via YouTube:

At this point, I’m sure I’ll meet an alien or zombies before I meet the love of my life!

Just landed via Reddit:

Typing in your email address on the TV is a different type of irritation.

Live now on WeChat:

Looks like it’s just you and me tonight, family size Toblerone.

Just landed via Threads:

I don’t “make friends”. I get adopted by extroverts and they make me do things.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Meatloaf is a good safe word. It means I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that…

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Raising a teenager is like nailing pudding to the wall.

Trending via Threads:

90% of parenting is wondering when you can lie down again.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I lied, there’s no sex. Stand over there and tell me if this painting I’m hanging is straight.

Seen just now on Facebook:

If my calculator had a history, it would be more embarrassing than my browser history.

Had to sit with a straight face while my landlord told me I was paying his rent and mortgage for him.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When your rental home turns into a Monopoly board and you’re the one paying the premium on every square 🔄🏠💸🤣

face, i, landlord, me, mortgage, paying, rent, sit, straight, straight face, tenant, told, while

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

It’s not fair when attractive people are also good at things.

0

5 months ago

appearance, attractive, attractive person, fair, good, humor, jealousy, people, person, skill, talent, things, unfair
It sucks that brainwashing is a bad thing, because generally speaking the idea of washing my brain sounds so nice.

0

2 months ago

bad, bad thing, brain, brainwashing, funny thought, humor, idea, irony, nice, sounds, speaking, sucks, thing, thought, washing
They should invent a day where it all makes sense.

0

5 months ago

clarity, day, humor, invent, invention, sense, should, thinking, where, wishful, wishful thinking
Painted all of my red flags orange for fall.

0

3 months ago

fall, flag, humor, orange, paint, red, red flag, relationship, seasonal, sign, warning, warning sign
Doing nothing is hard. You never know when you are done.

0

2 months ago

confusion, doing, doing nothing, effort, hard, hard work, humor, know, leisure, never, nothing, procrastination, relaxation, work
Chasing after a ping pong ball is wildly dehumanizing.

0

2 months ago

after, ball, chasing, dehumanizing, humor, ping, ping pong, playful, pong, satire, sports

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

28 shares on Messenger this month:

I would like to be reincarnated as less tired.

65 shares on YouTube this month:

Divorcing my wife to focus on my porn addiction.

52 shares on Slack this month:

A 20% discount sounds great until you realize you can’t afford the other 80%

97 shares on Messenger this month:

I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control. I thought to myself, “Wow, this changes everything.”

81 shares on WeChat this month:

Unfortunately, I wasn’t built for casual dating, I’m only built for intense soul crushing love at first sight.

56 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My boyfriend is mad at me because I keep replying with a fire extinguisher emoji to every girl that comments with a flame emoji on his pictures.

39 shares on TikTok this month:

Accepting you’re about to throw up, gotta be the worst feeling on God’s green earth.

87 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m accused of being a plagiarist. Their words, not mine.

84 shares on Slack this month:

Doing an hour of self-care after 23 hours of self-destruction.

28 shares on Messenger this month:

Roses are red, violets are blue, sunflowers are yellow. I bet you were expecting something romantic, but no, this is just gardening facts.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

I’ve never been kissed under the cameltoe or whatever it’s called.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Through repetition and sheer will I’ve mastered gracefully falling on my head.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

My boyfriend moved in with me straight from Hotel Mama. In a way, I’m now a single parent.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

“It is what it is,” I say, not really knowing what it actually is.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

By the time he entered rehab, Popeye was more spinach than sailor man.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

Holding this fart in feels like I’m pregnant with a dinosaur.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

A gender-neutral equivalent of ‘sugar daddy’ is glucose guardian.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

You know where I’d like to go? Missing.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

Don’t forget to be mean to strangers on the internet today, for no reason whatsoever.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

Don’t be coming into my house and causing big spikes of cortisol.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Don’t give up on your dreams. If cauliflower can be pizza and zucchini can be noodles, you too can be anything you want.

Spotted on YouTube:

Whoever first said, “I’m in a pickle,” must have had the weirdest day.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Imagine if we had to worry about dinosaurs too, on top of everything else.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Watching someone else control the computer and doing it differently than you would, is one of life’s greatest challenges.

Going viral on Discord:

Every email sent to me should end with ‘but if your tummy is hurting, don’t worry about it.’

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

I look so pretty today. I should go for a walk and let the people enjoy this.

Trending via Twitch:

You unfollow me because you are afraid of falling in love with me. I know!

Going viral on YouTube:

Touch my butt, not my coffee.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

My favorite recipe is the one where I pick up the phone and order food.

Spotted on Telegram:

My husband and I are doing a workshop. He works and I’ll shop.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Had to sit with a straight face while my landlord told me I was paying his rent and mortgage for him.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

It’s not fair when attractive people are also good at things.

It sucks that brainwashing is a bad thing, because generally speaking the idea of washing my brain sounds so nice.

They should invent a day where it all makes sense.

Painted all of my red flags orange for fall.

Doing nothing is hard. You never know when you are done.

Chasing after a ping pong ball is wildly dehumanizing.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨