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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡­ has bookmarked:

The difference between me and Superman is that he has super vision, and I need supervision.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡­ has viewed:

If I honk at this person, maybe it will make them a better person.

Someone from πŸ‡ΆπŸ‡¦ has downloaded:

The subtle art of letting yourself go crazy once in a while.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡Ή has bookmarked:

You should be allowed to speed if good music is playing.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡± has shared:

A big F*** YOU to people driving small cars and pulling deep into parking spaces so I think I have a spot until the last second.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡Ό has shared:

I hope this is the year my teen learns how to turn off a light when she leaves a room.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡¦ has viewed:

β€œNothing burger” is such a funny phrase. Americans when nothing: so imagine a burger.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡¦ has copied:

I just want to be treated like a hot little French fry.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡΄ has downloaded:

Every time my neighbors start moaning, I pause my music to rate the performance.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡½ has copied:

Don’t rub your happiness in people’s faces this Valentine’s Day. Let the couples enjoy themselves for once.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,288

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I successfully avoided the red-eye flight and got the much milder pink eye flight.

Making waves on Twitch:

Some people you look at or hear talking and think to yourself, the wheel may be turning, but the hamster is dead.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

The lion is actually pretty concerned right now.

Seen just now on Slack:

I’m not an alcoholic, I only drink twice a year. When it’s sunny, and when it isn’t.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

My daughter asked me what it’s like to be a parent, so I woke her up at 3 AM to let her know that I couldn’t sleep.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Sex is great, but have you ever started slowly picking up speed after sitting in a traffic jam?

Making waves on Messenger:

Honestly, I don’t even play an active role in my life any more. Things just happen and I’m like “I guess this is what we’re doing now.”

Live now on Messenger:

When someone says β€œI don’t want a relationship right now” the β€œat least not with you” is silent.

Making waves on YouTube:

Student life is all about convincing your parents that you are studying, convincing your friends that you are not, and convincing yourself that you’ll study from tomorrow.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Therapists are like, β€œYou don’t owe anyone anything. Except me. You owe me 250 dollars for this session.”

I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 a.m. and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.

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I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 a.m. and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.
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Commentary:
Driving slow in the fast lane: the real retirement perk πŸ˜‚πŸš—πŸ’¨πŸ•–

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Welcome to Wordgag! πŸ˜‰βœŒοΈ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. πŸ˜‚πŸ’₯

Social Media Stars ⭐

32 shares on Pinterest this month:

Being in a rich person’s house is so stressful. Like, why am I struggling to find the trash?

35 shares on Twitch this month:

My New Year’s resolution is to procrastinate. I’Il start tomorrow.

46 shares on Messenger this month:

I hate liars, but what I hate more is when they think I’m an idiot and won’t find out the truth.

30 shares on Twitch this month:

Please don’t interrupt me when I’m trying to overhear something.

80 shares on Snapchat this month:

Schedule your bikini wax for the first thing in the morning, and you won’t need that cup of coffee.

28 shares on Reddit this month:

I like listening to podcasts because it’s basically getting to enjoy a conversation without having to participate in it.

67 shares on Facebook this month:

Opening up is like talking to a cop: anything you say can and will be used against you.

43 shares on WeChat this month:

Feeling guilty for taking up the entire therapy session talking about myself.

65 shares on Instagram this month:

Diet hack: Spend your money filling up your gas tank so you won’t have money for groceries.

85 shares on TikTok this month:

I’ve been in a bad mood since like 2010.

Trending Topics πŸ“

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Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

10 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Find someone who looks at you the way I look at a cheeseburger.

11 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I’m not saving daylight. I’m the one that needs saving.

13 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I am under no obligation to make sense to you.

8 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Welcome to your 40’s. You now have a favorite vegetable peeler.

15 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Bird flu? Yeah, they’re known to do that.

22 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Doctor advised me to stop drinking. This is going to be a big change for me. I was with that doctor for decades.

25 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Hate Google’s Gemini. If I wanted to get misinformation from a Gemini, I’d talk to my mother.

9 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Blocking people isn’t enough. I need their favorite TV show to get cancelled.

10 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I wish tree puns were more poplar.

16 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control. I thought to myself, β€œWow, this changes everything.”

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,228

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ύ has downloaded:

The only talent I have is spending more than I bring in.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡ͺ has downloaded:

Me, when a 25-year-old talks to me: please be patient with me, I’m from the 1900s.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡¬ has downloaded:

The cheapest way to fly is off the handle.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡¦ has bookmarked:

Breaking news: you’re way less interesting than you think you are.

Someone from πŸ‡«πŸ‡― has viewed:

Shopping at the dollar store makes me feel rich and poor all at the same time.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡Ώ has downloaded:

Mirror, mirror on the wall, why so many fingerprints?

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡Ώ has copied:

I find as I get older it’s the little things that bring me joy. Like embarrassing my children.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡§ has downloaded:

Is it β€˜My wife and I’ or β€˜Me and my wife’? Anyway, we just robbed a liquor store.

Someone from πŸ‡ΏπŸ‡² has copied:

The number of times I stand in a room, staring because I forgot why I walked in there, is embarrassingly high.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡ͺ has copied:

People keep inviting me to stuff. I miss the pandemic.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Trending via Messenger:

I can’t even think straight knowing a package got delivered while I’m not home.

Just landed via Facebook:

I remember owning a mobile device as a kid, it was called my bike.

Going viral on Twitch:

Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. It will never bring you true happiness or fulfillment. Also, it’s a felony.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

The tarot lady on my TikTok said that you miss me.

Seen just now on Instagram:

When I’m done eating… I have to show my hands to my cat, like I’m a blackjack dealer.

Going viral on Discord:

I love Pinterest. No opinions. No bad vibes. Just pretty pictures.

Live now on Twitch:

Dogs can’t talk and everyone loves them. Coincidence? I think not.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Apparently, when you treat people like they treat you, they get upset.

Making waves on Threads:

According to the BMI chart, I am too short.

Freshly posted on Discord:

If there was a pill for procrastination… I’d probably take it tomorrow.

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