Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

A piece of chocolate contains just enough energy to take another one.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

Work beers should be a daily thing.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

Putting away the Christmas tree. Sad day for cats.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

My Mom asks why everything is on the floor, like she never heard of gravity.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

Sunrises are really beautiful, but the timing is rather bad.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

In a relationship with my heated car seat.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

My favorite part about going camping is the part where I stay at home, and I don’t go camping.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

August is technically summer, but spiritually fall.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Not much is worse than that feeling of going back to work after a lunch, or a vacation, or just going to work in general.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

Calling me ugly isn’t even an insult, because I know already.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,514

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

My goal weight is getting a magician to saw me in half.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

I crashed my bike in 1989 and hurt my knee real bad. We didn’t have social media back then so I’m telling you guys now.

Trending via Threads:

I have re-entered the Band of Brothers rewatch stage of male depression.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

The second date is you watching me parallel park and trying not to have a stroke.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Life is pretty much just a series of awkward and embarrassing moments, separated by snacks.

Breaking via YouTube:

The worst part about getting sucked up by the tornado you’re filming is to die knowing your wife was right. You are an idiot.

Seen just now on Twitch:

People used to fly kites. Glad that’s over with.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Christmas bonus so small you have to call your bank and ask “is it in yet?”

Just landed via Twitch:

Proposing at someone else’s wedding is out. Die at their funeral like a real man.

Spotted on YouTube:

Sometimes I think I should talk to my colleagues more often. Until I talk to my colleagues.

I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 a.m. and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Driving slow in the fast lane: the real retirement perk 😂🚗💨🕖

6, am, around, delay, drive, driving, early, early morning, humor, i, late, leisure, morning, retire, retirement, slow, slow drive, tardiness, wait, work, work delay

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m not good at quickly making up derogatory names on the fly, unless I’m driving.

0

2 months ago

derogatory, derogatory name, driving, fly, good, humor, making, name, names, quick, quick wit, rage, road, road rage, spontaneity, wit
I’m going to hell if anybody needs anything.

0

2 months ago

anything, going, hell, humor, joke, need, needs, sarcasm
I’m pretty sure emojis were invented so introverts don’t have to say anything to anyone.

0

5 months ago

anyone, anything, communication, emoji, expression, humor, interaction, introvert, pretty, say, social, social interaction, sure, technology
Sorry, I’m late. I found my old CD collection.

0

2 months ago

cd, collection, excuse, found, funny excuse, humor, i, late, lateness, music, nostalgia, old, old technology, procrastination, sorry, technology
The best part of my kid graduating was unsubscribing from the school’s text messages.

0

2 months ago

best, graduation, humor, kid, message, messages, parenting, school, text, text message, unsubscribe
Tried a smile yesterday and my white blood cells attacked it.

0

2 months ago

attack, blood, cell, cells, health, humor, joke, smile, tried, white, white blood cell, yesterday

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

43 shares on Discord this month:

My husband told me that he used my sock trick on a recent trip, so he wouldn’t lose any. Reader, my “sock trick” is rolling matching pairs together.

54 shares on Messenger this month:

McDonald’s needs a 3rd window so you can trade in all the wrong stuff they gave you.

67 shares on Telegram this month:

Are you my appendix? Cause you seem kind of useless to me.

26 shares on Reddit this month:

Baby, no job is ever that serious for you to be a work snitch.

32 shares on Messenger this month:

I always like to remember the time before the internet. It was so good not to know how cruel and stupid humanity really is.

85 shares on WeChat this month:

For Christmas, I’d like to be understood.

38 shares on Snapchat this month:

I have now spread out a blue tarpaulin in the garden. I want it to look like I have a pool on Google Maps.

12 shares on Reddit this month:

Everyone has these three colleagues: The one who is always cold. The one who is always hungry. The one who is always tired. I am everything in one.

45 shares on Instagram this month:

When you’re young, weekends are for fun. When you’re older, they’re for recovery.

64 shares on YouTube this month:

If small talk burned calories, maybe I’d consider it.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

I’d like to place an order for a large kiss and an extra-long hug.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

Partying hard on this Friday night, and by partying hard, I mean laying on my bed starfish-style.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

Got an email from my bank saying “is your 401k enough to retire on” and it’s like you are my bank, you know it’s not.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

My friend and I had a running joke. She said, “Let’s do a marathon,” and then we both laughed.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Why am I scrolling? What am I searching for?

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

Therapy? You mean birdwatching.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

Being informed is the worst thing I’ve ever done for my mental health.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

They say 30 is the new 20, and 40 the new 30. All I know is 9 p.m. is the new midnight.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

Half of Twitter is horny, half is depressed, and the other half don’t know how to do math.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

Life is just a series of obstacles preventing you from reading your book.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Telegram:

I’m already cold. I know me and my low iron ain’t gonna survive winter.

Making waves on WeChat:

I don’t want to end this year on bad terms with anybody. Could you please apologize to me?

Spotted on X:

If you love a friend, let them go. If they come back with coffee, it was meant to be.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Don’t wait until you’re on your death bed to let them know how you feel. You may be too weak to raise your middle finger.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I’m drinking coffee so I don’t say mean things to you. You’re welcome.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

It’s so hot, ice bears are opening lemonade stands.

Spotted on Facebook:

Throwing a spear at your enemy is a bad gamble. If you miss, you have no spear now and he’s just fine. He’s better than fine; now he has a spear.

Just shared via Messenger:

You ran a half marathon? That’s really cool, I’ve almost finished a bunch of things, too.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Me, when a 25-year-old talks to me: please be patient with me, I’m from the 1900s.

Spotted on Threads:

I know life can be tough, but you still gotta wear deodorant.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 a.m. and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I’m not good at quickly making up derogatory names on the fly, unless I’m driving.

I’m going to hell if anybody needs anything.

I’m pretty sure emojis were invented so introverts don’t have to say anything to anyone.

Sorry, I’m late. I found my old CD collection.

The best part of my kid graduating was unsubscribing from the school’s text messages.

Tried a smile yesterday and my white blood cells attacked it.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨