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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

I got a bumper sticker that says, “Honk if you think I’m pretty.” Sometimes I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

If anyone wants a more cost effective energy provider, I can supply endless energy on tap from my absolutely not tired child at bedtime.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

Driving a newer car is like “Oh weird, this one doesn’t have Shake on Highway, maybe they stopped making that feature”.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

Your ex is ruining someone else’s life now. You are safe.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

We got the Christmas tree yesterday, and now my wife knows that I was the chief architect working on the leaning tower of Pisa.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

Dating me is super easy. I text you at 8; you reply at 8:00:01.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

We should make a new internet that’s as hard to use as the old internet was, so anyone that’s too stupid to have used the internet 20 years ago can’t get on it.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

My new coffee table book, “Accidental Screenshots,” is available for pre-order now.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

I wish I were a wild horse in Kazakhstan. That would fix everything.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

Oh, him? He’s my insignificant other.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,446

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Movie date at my house, but we use pirated sites and spend all night closing pop-ups.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I’ve been ghosted enough to add paranormal investigator to my resume.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

God, on inventing the tiger: “Okay, so this is going to be some kind of cat that likes to eat Frosted Flakes.”

Spotted on WeChat:

Got out of jury duty yesterday by confessing to the crime.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Major cheat code in life: ask for the big, unreasonable thing. The universe meets you at your level of audacity.

Breaking via Slack:

Tornados are just a bunch of ghosts fighting over a cow.

Live now on Slack:

They should invent a small lifestyle change that has an instantaneous, huge payoff.

Breaking via WeChat:

Despite removing all the stains, I still lost my job as a church window cleaner.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Celery is depressing green water wafers.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Going to look at the small picture for a while. Tired of seeing the big picture. Too much picture.

If adulting had a return policy, I’d use it immediately.

3 weeks ago

Playful quote about regretting adult responsibilities with a humorous twist.

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Commentary:
I'd ask for store credit and exchange it for infinite naps and free snacks! 😴😂🍕

adult, adult life, adulting, humor, ID, joke, life, life joke, policy, responsibility, return, return policy, sarcasm

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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98 shares on TikTok this month:

If I meet you at a party and you instantly start asking about my job, you are subhuman to me.

52 shares on Twitch this month:

How do you politely tell someone that they ruined your life?

55 shares on Messenger this month:

Of course, my summer body is ready; it’s the same as my winter body but sweatier.

88 shares on Discord this month:

Maybe the elephant doesn’t want to be addressed, and we should respect their boundaries.

47 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Called in, “I can either stay home today and learn to play this accordion or bring it in with me. Your call.”

82 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If she has Bukowski on her nightstand, she will devour you.

34 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Look, the problem with The Life of a Showgirl is that, for maybe the first time in her music career, Taylor Swift has nothing to say.

82 shares on Facebook this month:

I talk a lot of shit for someone who turns every black shirt into an abstract deodorant mural.

83 shares on YouTube this month:

It’s too bad he never woke up and chose violence. “Bob Ross, mob boss” has a nice ring to it.

16 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m not easily offended, but I am easily annoyed.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

“What’s your music taste?” Don’t know, man. If it sounds good, I’m adding it to the playlist.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

It’s hard to believe that this long, crazy election will finally be over in a few months.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

If Stranger Things was British, it would be called ‘Bit odd, innit?’

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

I love when my husband says, “correct me if I’m wrong,” like I would pass up that opportunity.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

Reading Shakespeare for the first time is crazy because you go, “Oh, that’s where that comes from,” every other page.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

I should’ve gotten my affairs in order before I decided to bite into this hot pepper.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

That strange moment when you are trying to be serious, but then you accidentally smile.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

If I delete a tweet, I should disappear with it.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

As a Dad, you always want your kids to be prepared for real life, that’s why trolling them is so vital.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

After you’ve been married a long time, you become able to communicate nonverbally. At least, I’m pretty sure that’s why we never speak.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Slack:

If you smoke pot in Saudi Arabia, you risk getting stoned.

Making waves on Snapchat:

If you gain 4 pounds in one weekend, that just means you’re an overachiever.

Trending via Messenger:

They expect me to work at work.

Seen just now on TikTok:

90% of debugging is just realizing your own stupidity in slow motion.

Broadcasted on X:

Sorry, I can’t come. I’m still recovering from the last time I went out.

Just shared via Twitch:

I told my computer I needed a break, now it sends me reminders to stretch while I’m lying on the couch.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

So, you’re telling me I’m just supposed to get up every day and keep living like this? Seems like a scam to me.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Just came back from my walk, and I was right about everything.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Whenever I go down the stairs next to an escalator, I always move faster than the escalator to prove to the people I made the better decision.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If adulting had a return policy, I’d use it immediately.

Diplomacy is the art of sending someone to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey.

I don’t remember what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a broke, stressed-out, over-thinker with no clothes that fit.

Please stop adding touchscreens to cars. Most of these idiots can barely drive as it is.

There’s an app for the people who say they’re not seeking some form of validation here. It’s called a diary.

My fantasy is having two men at once. One cooking, one cleaning.

We’d never met, or even spoken, but I could tell just from gazing into her pale blue eyes I had stepped on her toe.

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Trending Topics 📁

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If adulting had a return policy, I’d use it immediately.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Diplomacy is the art of sending someone to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey.

I don’t remember what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a broke, stressed-out, over-thinker with no clothes that fit.

Please stop adding touchscreens to cars. Most of these idiots can barely drive as it is.

There’s an app for the people who say they’re not seeking some form of validation here. It’s called a diary.

My fantasy is having two men at once. One cooking, one cleaning.

We’d never met, or even spoken, but I could tell just from gazing into her pale blue eyes I had stepped on her toe.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨