Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

Can’t threaten me with screenshots. I’ll get a microphone and say it again.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

I held the door for an old person today and he was like, “didn’t we go to high school together” and we did.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

Going to McDonald’s to get the Grinch meal, then going to Burger King to get the Spongebob meal. Then disappearing into the forest for twenty years.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

Going out for two days in a row should really be considered an extreme sport.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

I’m glad the makers removed all the unnecessary sex scenes from my life, so I can focus on character development.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

You have been a very bad boy. Now go to my room!

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

Apple, who gives you permission to turn the brightness down again when I’ve just turned it up?

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

Grab your own butt! Love yourself!

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

I hope this out-of-office message finds you well.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

If you say my name three times in the mirror, I show up and kiss you on the forehead.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,353

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

She said she liked animals but apparently all the fruit flies around my apartment was a “turn off”

Making waves on Facebook:

This weekend was so busy, I hardly had time to sit around in my pajamas and doom scroll.

Breaking via TikTok:

That moment when you’ve gone through Insta, Facebook, X and the new emails and you know you should start working now. Luckily, there’s YouTube.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Nothing tests your patience like a group chat blowing up your phone.

Live now on Facebook:

People who own banana costumes will wear that shit to anything.

Going viral on Messenger:

Why do my fully charged AirPods deplete at different rates? Do I listen harder out of one ear?

Just landed via Snapchat:

Ever think vampires just lied about hating garlic, now we’re just out here seasoning ourselves for them?

Going viral on WeChat:

I love when people say, “It is what it is,” like they just discovered stoicism.

Just landed via Reddit:

Not many things sadder than an untickled fancy.

Freshly posted on Slack:

What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ‘k’ instead of ‘ok’?

I’m at the age where living in the woods and arguing with a raccoon sounds like a peaceful retirement plan.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Trading stocks for snacks with my raccoon accountant! 🦝🌲📈

age, arguing, argument, living, peaceful, plan, raccoon, retirement, retirement plan, sounds, where, woods

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You’re in her DMs, she’s in my bed whining that it’s too cold. Can you come get her?

0

2 months ago

bed, cold, DM, humor, relationship, too, whining
Let’s drink some whiskey and say too much.

0

2 months ago

conversation, drink, fun, humor, much, party, say, socializing, too, whiskey
Be bold, be italic, but never regular.

0

2 months ago

bold, confidence, creativity, design, humor, italic, never, regular, typography
It’s actually crazy we figured out how to grow real diamonds that are cheaper and better quality than the real thing, and so many people are still like, no thanks, the suffering is what makes it special.

0

4 months ago

actually, behavior, better, cheaper, consumer, consumer behavior, crazy, diamond, diamonds, ethics, grow, humor, irony, people, price, quality, real, real diamond, special, still, suffering, synthetic, synthetic diamond, thanks, thing, value
Much like lasagna, I’m just held together by cheese at this point.

0

2 months ago

analogy, cheese, food, held, humor, identity, just, lasagna, much, point, self-deprecation, together
One day I will start learning from my mistakes. Today is not that day. Tomorrow isn’t looking so good either.

0

2 months ago

day, good, humor, i, learning, looking, mistake, mistakes, optimism, procrastination, self-reflection, start, today, tomorrow

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

10 shares on Facebook this month:

Garlic and bread is the only marriage I truly have faith in.

38 shares on Telegram this month:

Why is it called the Super Bowl if no one is bowling?

19 shares on Threads this month:

“Follow your heart,” as advice, is sort of like “abandon yourself to cognitive bias.”

23 shares on YouTube this month:

It’s never too early to be sad about having to work the next day.

67 shares on YouTube this month:

My step counter doesn’t judge. For him, steps to the fridge are just as valuable as a walk.

33 shares on WeChat this month:

Whenever you are feeling down, remember you’re the sperm that won.

25 shares on Snapchat this month:

That awkward moment when you’ve said “What?” three times, so you just say “Oh, yeah..” even though you have no idea what they said.

92 shares on Twitch this month:

High school crushes were crazy because, why the hell was I running all over school just to catch a glimpse of him.

57 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I only like when it rains when I’m home.

40 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Asked a German girl for her number, and I’m still waiting for the rest of the digits. So far, all I have is “nine.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

“Mom, how did we get so rich?” your father said, “Thanks, nothing from my end,” on thousands of important Zoom meetings.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

Idiocracy wasn’t supposed to be a documentary.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

If there’s no open mouth cougher on the plane they hold the flight until they can find one.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

Car naps hit different, especially when you are the one driving.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

Why do men have birthdays? It’s not like they’re growing up.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

Once married, the woman takes over the entire closet and the man stores everything he owns in his left cargo pocket.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

People who live in glass houses should install frosted glass around the toilet part.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

I’ve just learned terrible news. My department at work is planning a team-building retreat. Thank you for your thoughts during this difficult time.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

A swear jar for Twitter would end world hunger.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

There’s a disgusting pervert at the bar watching pornography over my shoulder.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

It’s so funny that people directly compare Dune and Furiosa when all that they have in common is that there’s sand.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Pasta is something I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

My ex is somewhere telling his new girlfriend how bad I was, and she’s smiling, thinking she made it in life. Two idiots.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

If anyone wants to sponsor me, I’ll be running a 0.002K this weekend to raise awareness for laziness.

Shared recently on Threads:

Imagine being hungry and some guy tries to teach you to fish.

Making waves on WeChat:

The invention of locks was a key turning point in history.

Live now on Threads:

“It could be drugs,” I tell myself as I buy more books.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Another beautiful day, ruined by responsibility.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

The man who invented the Ferris wheel never met the man who invented the merry-go-round. They traveled in different circles.

Going viral on YouTube:

Toddlers will take your last nerve, deep fry it and eat it for breakfast.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m at the age where living in the woods and arguing with a raccoon sounds like a peaceful retirement plan.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

You’re in her DMs, she’s in my bed whining that it’s too cold. Can you come get her?

Let’s drink some whiskey and say too much.

Be bold, be italic, but never regular.

It’s actually crazy we figured out how to grow real diamonds that are cheaper and better quality than the real thing, and so many people are still like, no thanks, the suffering is what makes it special.

Much like lasagna, I’m just held together by cheese at this point.

One day I will start learning from my mistakes. Today is not that day. Tomorrow isn’t looking so good either.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨