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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

Sometimes, after I’ve completed a task that wasn’t on my to-do list, I’ll add it and then cross it off for the free dopamine boost.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

I love beating a dead horse with the girls. There is nothing better than a Saturday night rehashing, and never letting that horse rest in peace.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

Actually, men should take the pill. It makes more sense to unload the gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

They say that 50 is the new 40, but these traffic police are having none of it.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

When I was a little girl, I always dreamed of growing up to satisfy user needs in a way that meets business goals for transformative outcomes.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

Not enough rap songs about stores suddenly changing their layout.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

“I’m not even close to how crazy I’m legally entitled to be.”

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

On a dare, my son sprayed deodorant in his mouth. Now he speaks with an Axe scent.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

I bet the inventor of the cannon would be relieved to know that they’re mostly about t-shirts now.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

If you like water, you already like 72% of me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,340

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Reddit:

Chasing after a ping pong ball is wildly dehumanizing.

Seen just now on Facebook:

You’ll never be as lazy as the person who named the fireplace.

Breaking via WeChat:

I’m eating sandwiches you haven’t heard of in jeans you can’t pronounce.

Going bananas on Slack:

Today I went for a walk with a girl, she noticed me, so we went for a run.

Shared recently on Reddit:

My car spider built a web across my steering wheel and now I can’t go anywhere.

Shared recently on X:

Being social sucks all my energy.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Using Indeed feels like being an ugly guy on a dating app.

Trending via LinkedIn:

8 planets, 204 countries, thousands of islands, 7 seas, 8 billion people, and I’m single.

Shared recently on X:

Preparing for the apocalypse by becoming fluent in zombie.

Seen just now on Facebook:

A social media post so confusing you turn your music down to read it.

“I’m going to get more sleep tonight” is always the first lie I tell myself in the morning.

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“I’m going to get more sleep tonight” is always the first lie I tell myself in the morning.
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Commentary:
This is me every morning, and caffeine rewards me for being consistent 😂☕💤

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

72 shares on Slack this month:

Are you ever so happy to be in bed, you wish you could be even more in bed than you already are?

38 shares on Telegram this month:

Telling your child their sibling is still asleep a very effective way to get them to practice their instrument.

88 shares on Threads this month:

“Be the bigger person” sounds too much like “accept the disrespect”.

24 shares on YouTube this month:

I have the patience of a nearly ripe avocado.

89 shares on Slack this month:

“Clean” my shower? Then what? Give my car a ride into town?

91 shares on LinkedIn this month:

This meeting should’ve been a fist fight.

86 shares on Twitch this month:

I have a great poker face because I have no idea what’s going on.

52 shares on Reddit this month:

I would reset the clock on your microwave for you.

68 shares on LinkedIn this month:

When you realize your punishments as a kid (stay home, take a nap, no junk food, go to bed early) are now your goals as an adult.

59 shares on Reddit this month:

For a long time, I didn’t know what to do with my strange thoughts. Then I signed up for Facebook.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’re a man and don’t feel well or are going through something tough, just remember no one cares.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I do not have a “body count.” I have a curious spirit.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

If you shouldn’t go food shopping when you’re hungry, then you should definitely not go clothes shopping when you’re naked. Trust me on this.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

The world is such a beautiful place when you don’t think too hard about it or look around.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I love when someone texts “hey,” like I’m supposed to solve the rest.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Cholesterol has a special place in my heart.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I want to clarify that what I publish on social media does not define me as a person; I am worse.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Garlic and bread is the only marriage I truly have faith in.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Tupperware is a fun way to store your leftovers until you throw them away.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

A massage is not enough, I need to be rolled through a pasta machine.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,470

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

The question of whether an employer values its employees is sometimes answered by the toilet paper.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

Kinda sucks that I actually own a skeleton but don’t get to show anyone until I die.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

Having Twitter is just like reading the newspaper, except the newspaper is on fire and all the writers hate you.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

If you can’t say anything nice, say something funny.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

Put my too-weak notice in at the gym.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

Insurance is cool because even if you have it, it still kinda feels like you don’t.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

Spongebob wouldn’t even mess with some of y’all. But he’d hang out with me because my heart is pure, and I like to laugh a lot.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

I’m going back to the 90s, if anyone wants to come.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

When I’m not posting or returning messages, just know that I’m probably out doing superhero shit.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via TikTok:

In the baking aisle, booing everyone buying imitation vanilla extract.

Making waves on Instagram:

My only knowledge of animals is that turtles like pizza and cats like lasagna.

Going viral on Twitch:

A.I. should be forced to wait tables before it’s allowed to make art.

Live now on Slack:

Venn diagrams. You either love ‘em or you hate ‘em. Or you’re somewhere in the middle.

Freshly posted on Discord:

You want me to do Pilates? The thing that killed Jesus?

Just landed via WeChat:

I waste a lot of time putting my phone down to just pick it back up again.

Just landed via YouTube:

I wonder if people that fall asleep right away know that we hate them.

Spotted on Reddit:

I don’t think astronauts should be allowed to come back. You made your choice.

Going viral on Threads:

Sorry, I liked your post one second after you posted it but in my defense, I’ve had my phone in my hand since 2012.

Just shared via TikTok:

Every single bad day happened because I woke up.

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