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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m not addicted to coffee. We’re just very close.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

Bro, did you really just mix up e.g. and i.e. in front of the hoes?

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

Not photogenic, but I probably look soooo good as a distant memory.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

Ever been in the car with someone who drives so fast that you press your imaginary brakes on the passenger side?

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

Being gracefully insane is the secret to staying somewhat sane in an insane world.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

Some people pack their lives so full of activities, appointments and people that I get exhausted just reading about it.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

Is it just me, or were we promised a totally different frog-to-prince ratio?

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

I can’t believe I’m supposed to obey ALL the traffic laws ALL the time.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

Kanye is pretty mean for someone with ‘yay’ in their name.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

There are a few certainties in this life: death, taxes and when a Canadian tells you it’s cold out, it’s cold out.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,737

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Instagram:

I’m not accepting the bare minimum; I need you to shake it to the max.

Spotted on Instagram:

At the job interview with one AirPod in.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Microsoft: Before you sign in, we need to send you a code. Also, Microsoft: OMG, was that you that requested a code? Also, Microsoft: OMG, someone just signed in to your account.

Trending via Twitch:

Drinking at home is convenient, sure, but it’s nothing like the experience of leaving the pub feeling fifty bucks lighter.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Should I ever be mean and insulting, then it comes from the bottom of my heart.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Good morning. I’m ready for attention now.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Happy Earth Day. You don’t look a day over 4 billion years and get hotter every year.

Spotted on Threads:

If I say “with all due respect,” nothing respectful is about to come out of my mouth.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I always imagined WWIII would be Earth vs. aliens.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Mid-life crisis? No, no, mid-day crisis. Something happens every day.

Kinda rude when I spend money, and it actually leaves my bank account. But okay.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
"Honestly, where's the loyalty, bank account? 😂💸 #BetrayedByMyBalance"

account, actually, bank, bank account, financial, financial frustration, frustration, humor, i, money, okay, rude, sarcasm, spend, spending

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Social Media Stars ⭐

66 shares on YouTube this month:

I don’t think I’m allowed to be in public for over an hour.

31 shares on Reddit this month:

I’ve been blocked, unfollowed, and unfriended, but I’ve never been told I’m bad in bed.

29 shares on Discord this month:

Things I hate about group work: The group.

23 shares on Twitch this month:

I drink my coffee black because I like to save my calories for alcohol.

59 shares on Pinterest this month:

My hobbies include adding things to my cart, and never buying them.

28 shares on YouTube this month:

I’ve skipped midlife crisis and gone straight to birdwatching.

32 shares on Instagram this month:

My favorite recipe is the one where I pick up the phone and order food.

57 shares on Slack this month:

Graduation advice: Stay cool. Don’t be a fool. Avoid being a tool.

89 shares on TikTok this month:

You can’t confuse me. I already don’t know what’s going on.

57 shares on Telegram this month:

When I said I wanted to be held, I didn’t mean accountable.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

I may not understand women, but cheeseburgers have never sent me mixed signals, and for that they’ll always have my heart.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

If I ever go missing, please print my picture on wine bottles and not on milk boxes. My friends are more likely to find me then.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

Hey boy, are you the sun? Because you were a big part of my life this summer but now I feel like I never see you.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

Nobody says, ‘Bless you,’ when you fart.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

Airports are the perfect place to see people who are experiencing their first day on Earth.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

Nighttime is when I remember that one weird thing I said in 6th grade, and feel bad about it forever.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

Your twenties are for working towards a life you later won’t want.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

You don’t need to leave a message in a bottle. If the bottle is full of tequila, I’ll get the message.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

When you wish you could tell someone that won’t stop talking “Okay, we’re out of time today”, just like a therapist.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

Currently accepting DMs from any man with a sturdy bunker on his property.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

The reward for doing really good work is more work.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Not smiling until Friday; nothing is funny this week.

Spreading quickly via X:

Just remembered I can just get drunk after work instead of quitting. That was a close one.

Making waves on TikTok:

So many spreadsheets and not once did I feel excelled.

Making waves on Facebook:

Nothing says “not interested” quite like a Restraining Order.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Depression is embarrassing because sometimes it makes you miss appointments and not return phone calls, and when the fog starts to lift, you gotta do a whole bloody apology tour.

Seen just now on TikTok:

According to my Spotify Wrapped, I am what got played the most this year.

Just shared via Messenger:

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Interviewer: So why do you want this job? Me: I don’t. I just need money.

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Activity Log ✨

Kinda rude when I spend money, and it actually leaves my bank account. But okay.

For someone with a dry phone, I’m on it way too much.

I don’t always clear my calculator, but when I do, I hit both C and CE a bunch of times because I don’t know exactly what they do.

I miss my bed. Why does it have to be so far from where I work?

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I hate the sounds you make when you chew.

“I’m disgusted by how many of you still use Spotify. I use a fair trade, ethically conscientious mom-and-pop platform called Apple Music.”

I always set two alarms, one for “Good Intentions Me” and one for “The Real Me”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Kinda rude when I spend money, and it actually leaves my bank account. But okay.

Keep the laugh going 😂

For someone with a dry phone, I’m on it way too much.

I don’t always clear my calculator, but when I do, I hit both C and CE a bunch of times because I don’t know exactly what they do.

I miss my bed. Why does it have to be so far from where I work?

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I hate the sounds you make when you chew.

“I’m disgusted by how many of you still use Spotify. I use a fair trade, ethically conscientious mom-and-pop platform called Apple Music.”

I always set two alarms, one for “Good Intentions Me” and one for “The Real Me”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨