Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

I hate hotel bath towels. So thick and fluffy, I can’t even close my suitcase.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

I have so many mood swings, I’m basically a swing now.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

Being late to work should never be that serious. At least I came?

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

I like to begin every day by looking forward to the end of the day.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

The ‘b’ in ‘subtle’ totally is.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

Not to brag but I don’t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

“I asked ChatGPT,” “I asked Grok,” yeah, well, I wipe away the hours conversing with the flowers.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

Airlines when they need to change your flight: here’s a complimentary napkin. Airlines when you need to change your flight: that’ll be $8700.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t need anything from Amazon today.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

I just went to Crazy Town, and they said you’re a local legend.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,284

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Valentine’s Day is a stupid and made up holiday unless someone wants to give me a present in which case I really believe in celebrating it.

Making waves on Facebook:

Iced coffee and crying, the most Californian afternoon.

Spotted on Discord:

A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early, if you ask me.

Shared recently on X:

We should start referring to age as “levels.” So when you’re level 80, it sounds a lot cooler than just being an older person.

Breaking via Telegram:

I’m sorry I roasted you, I was trying to flirt.

Freshly posted on X:

Helvetica is my favorite font that sounds like a heavy metal band.

Making waves on Slack:

I’m super lazy today. It’s like normal lazy but I’m wearing a cape.

Just shared via Telegram:

There should be a good 10 hours in between waking up and having to interact with people.

Live now on WeChat:

Stop blaming everyone for all of your problems. Pick one person you hate, and blame them for everything.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Most people think that T-Rexes can’t clap because they have short arms, but really it’s because they’re dead.

Love when plans get canceled. It’s like getting a snow day as an adult.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Is it bad that I start practicing my surprised-but-not-really face every time I make plans? ❄️😅🎉

adult, adult life, cancelation, canceled, day, freedom, getting, leisure, life, love, plans, relaxation, snow, snow day, surprise

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Forget about “long story short”… I’m gonna start saying “short story long,” and take you on a journey you didn’t ask for.

0

1 month ago

ask, conversation, forget, humor, joke, journey, long story, narrative, saying, short, short story, start, story, storytelling, take, unexpected
Automatic doors that don’t open fast enough make me look dumb.

0

2 months ago

automatic, automatic door, delay, door, door delay, doors, dumb, embarrassment, enough, everyday, everyday life, fast, humor, impatience, life, me, open, social, social embarrassment
Any jar is a swear jar when the lid won’t open.

0

2 months ago

frustration, humor, jar, lid, open, struggle, swear
You have 8 hours remaining to create shareholder value.

0

4 days ago

8, business, create, deadline, hours, humor, productivity, shareholder, time, value, work
It’s called the Summer Olympics so one of the events should be running in flip flops to catch the ice cream man.

0

2 months ago

activity, catch, comedy, cream, event, flip, flip flops, flops, fun, funny event, humorous, humorous sports, ice, ice cream man, man, Olympics, playful, playful activity, running, should, sports, summer, summer fun, Summer Olympics
Armed robbers are so weird. Why are you beating me when I don’t have money?

0

2 months ago

beat, comedy, crime, humor, i, irony, me, money, robber, weird, why

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

12 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Walking into someone’s house with healthy, thriving houseplants everywhere: “Oh, I see you dabble in witchcraft!”

70 shares on Messenger this month:

Going “Omgg, that’s crazy,” every time my coworkers talk until it’s time to go home.

92 shares on Discord this month:

Today’s book recommendation: “The Art of Silence” by the famous Chinese philosopher Shut-Up.

63 shares on YouTube this month:

I kinda want a boyfriend but then where will I put my purse when I drive?

14 shares on Messenger this month:

Everybody hates me for being a beautiful angel with a perfect soul.

80 shares on Twitch this month:

The list of women who haven’t slept with me is really impressive.

25 shares on TikTok this month:

Imagine falling in love with me then finding out I’m a slow walker.

67 shares on Messenger this month:

Sorry I can’t help you move, my hands are in permanent air quotes.

32 shares on Telegram this month:

Seeing a grown man stumble when the train moves is disgusting. How will you provide for anyone?

24 shares on Discord this month:

I saw a spider crawl under my kid’s bed and was too tired to go after it, but that’s okay, no living creature can survive that environment.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

Of course your crush is going to leave their spouse for you. That’s how delusions work.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

Twitter is for people who tried suffering in silence and realized it wasn’t for them.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

Pets don’t talk because the moment they do, the government will tax them.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

And to my grandchildren, I leave my unread PDFs.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

Nobody ever talks about how Sodom and Gomorrah were walkable cities.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

People in my real life annoy me, so I come online to annoy you.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

It’s only a family vacation if you think “We’re never doing this again” at least once.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

Happy to report that “what time is it/time for you to get a watch” is still being used by the youths.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

Someone asked me how much I normally spend on a bottle of wine. Answering “usually an hour” wasn’t the right answer. I know this now.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

It’s been too long since I partook in shenanigans.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Discord:

A middle finger hits different when your nails are done.

Trending via Twitch:

I’ve worn oversized T-shirts so much that I suffocate if I wear one that actually fits.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I just feel like we shouldn’t have a new year until we get this one right.

Live now on Instagram:

One year older today, and still no closer to growing up.

Trending via Snapchat:

Be the reason your therapist reevaluates their entire career.

Shared recently on Twitch:

If you’re cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and continue to participate in family game night.

Seen just now on WeChat:

If it hurts you more than it hurts them, you are holding the taser wrong.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Your hoodie strings are uneven. Go home and get your shit together!

Just landed via Messenger:

Not gonna lie, to this day, I don’t know the difference between gray and grey, I just wing it.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Obsessed with how Siri just doesn’t work at all, ever.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Love when plans get canceled. It’s like getting a snow day as an adult.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Forget about “long story short”… I’m gonna start saying “short story long,” and take you on a journey you didn’t ask for.

Automatic doors that don’t open fast enough make me look dumb.

Any jar is a swear jar when the lid won’t open.

You have 8 hours remaining to create shareholder value.

It’s called the Summer Olympics so one of the events should be running in flip flops to catch the ice cream man.

Armed robbers are so weird. Why are you beating me when I don’t have money?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨